The Great Write Way, Chapter Two: Twice upon a time...
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
And mentioning college was my fault -- lazy shorthand. I never graduated college, either, and I don't consider myself stupid at all.
No, no, your mentioning it was right. Because I *do* get that from people, with college as the signifcator. And my reaction is, oh puhLEEZE, just deal with it. I was a snotty pompous intellectual by the time I was thirteen and I was over it by the time I was fifteen. Not only am I not stupid - I'm not uneducated. I just didn't get my education traditionally.
And I'm not humble, either. I get what Allyson was saying about bragging, and I agree completely with Ginger: women, specifically, will always have more of a squick about being perceived as bragging if they say something good about themselves. My lack of humility about what I do well is part and parcel; it comes with me. If anyone can't cope, they're free to avoid me. How's THAT for lack of humble? Not giving a damn?
But I give really short shrift to anyone - and I'm pissier toward women than men on this one, because I love my sisters, I'm a feminist at the bone deep level and always have been, and I tend to hold other women to a higher standard, fair or not - who tells me that it's somehow my duty to "prove to the men I'm as good they are, by being as good as the men in fields women aren't supposed to be good in! You MUST be good in math! Science! Engineering! Computers!"
Um, no. I don't have to prove jackshit - I know I'm good at what I want to do, and I don't owe it to anyone to be good at what I'm not. I feel no need to prove it to anyone. But if I say so, I'm bragging. Just can't win.
So I shrug, and grin, and say hey there, you think you can outwrite me? You graduated phi beta kappa in creative writing from an accredited university - wanna give it a pop?
Oh and to add my thing about college and cockroachs. The weird thing is that it co-exists nicely with a whole huge anti-intellectual thing that a good heart and good instincts are that is required for good decision making. No actual intelligence, knowledge or skills required. As in "I don't need no fancy degree to understand this here science stuff".
Gar, yep - and once again, there's the extremes. I've found that anyone choosing to stroll down the middle path is in grave danger of getting pelted with shit from both sides.
On the "sexy versus smart" thing, I think the critical point is that most people don't get that if I choose to wear makeup, or high heels, or raw silk against my skin, it isn't for the benefit of outside admirers. I could give a damn about the world's reaction. It's for me. My body, my playground, my wonderland. I'm not peacocking to attract a mate or compete with anyone. I'm peacocking out of pure narcissistic sensuality. It's for the benefit of me, and me alone.
People is weird, weird, weird.
But I give really short shrift to anyone - and I'm pissier toward women than men on this one, because I love my sisters, I'm a feminist at the bone deep level and always have been, and I tend to hold other women to a higher standard, fair or not - who tells me that it's somehow my duty to "prove to the men I'm as good they are, by being as good as the men in fields women aren't supposed to be good in! You MUST be good in math! Science! Engineering! Computers!"
I always hold my own people to a higher standard. For example, I can't get mad at Republicans, they way I get or have gotten mad at Democrats, because I never accepted the Republican platform in the first place. I get much more angry at bad behavior from Christians than I do when it comes from anyone else, because they're (I believe) perverting something that to me is pure. It's just like my own children acting up in a restaurant (they know better *g*) would bother me far more than someone else's.
Um, no. I don't have to prove jackshit - I know I'm good at what I want to do, and I don't owe it to anyone to be good at what I'm not.
I agree. Completely (except where I think my own natural tendency in favor of a certain attitude or behavior is not right to begin with, in that case, I owe it to myself to clean up my act).
I feel no need to prove it to anyone. But if I say so, I'm bragging. Just can't win.
You prove by doing and how you do what you do. Some people aren't going to accept whatever anyone else offers as proof, about anything.
I always hold my own people to a higher standard. For example, I can't get mad at Republicans, they way I get or have gotten mad at Democrats, because I never accepted the Republican platform in the first place. I get much more angry at bad behavior from Christians than I do when it comes from anyone else, because they're (I believe) perverting something that to me is pure. It's just like my own children acting up in a restaurant (they know better *g*) would bother me far more than someone else's.
Yes, this. A bazillion times this. And don't get me wrong - my women friends who are scientists, math experts, engineers, computer geeks? DAMN, I love that they're good at this stuff. But I have neither regret that I'm not good at it, nor any inclination to scuff my toe and cast my eyes down and mutter "awwwwww, shucks, no, really" if someone tells me that what I write had an effect on them.
But here's Allyson, who is frickin' superb at what she does - and for the record, I don't pay empty compliments and I don't use the word "superb" lightly - feeling as if she's bragging.
Totally in the air. Also, unacceptable.
So werid -- I was just flipping channels while I was getting Sara down for her nap, and on Oxygen, the Oprah "After the Show" show was the one with Pink. ::cue Twilight Zone music::
I always hold my own people to a higher standard.
I completely get this, and usually do the same.
Total contempt for people who don't finish college is another part the gestalt.
I've really felt this, from a lot of people. The raised eyebrows and a "You've never finished college?" And yet, I have at least three friends who have college degrees (whom I love dearly) who know jack shit about anything. None of them read, none of them are interestef in discussing anything beyond the kids or the latest episode of Survivor (which I do, too, but not exclusively) and none of them would even be interested in following or exploring the metaphors/themes on Buffy, for instance. Yet I'm the one who's "uneducated" by the popular definition.
And, completely on topic, typing that just made me extremely uncomfortable. Because I am saying that I've educated myself much more than they have, and that too is *bragging*.
Yeah...I'm not good at writing because it's a girl thing. I'm good at writing because that is the gift I was given. Maybe if my gift hadn't felt so...gender-linked I might not have felt the pressure to step away from it and pursue a "real" profession, though
I did feel lots of gender pressure from my parents, because my mother wanted me to have the success she didn't, and because my dad is completely mired in some of the old ways of thinking and was disappointed in me for not quitting journalism school and marrying G, only the second guy I ever kissed.
And I totally have the problem with taking compliments...my expectations are completely skewed.
Yeah...I'm not good at writing because it's a girl thing. I'm good at writing because that is the gift I was given.
See, that's where the ground gets really infuriatingly boggy. It's ok to be good at writing and a girl at the same time - but that's because you aren't writing about the things a guy would write about, see, you have to write about things a girl would write about. That makes it okay.
And that same junk is thrown at guy writers. Can you see a male writer not being made an object of total derision if he tried writing about stuff that traditionally only "works" for women?
Sexism is definitely a two-edged sword. And not enough people seem to get that.
Yeah...I really do know that, but it's hard talking to guy that makes more than you(as does *everyone* mind you) and they hit you with "Well, at least you get to have feelings."
As much as I see his point I still want to say "Yeah, but Visa doesn't take those."
And hearing that complaint from a rich guy "What? Running the world is a pain to you? So sad."
But as much as this post might not say so, getting to know more men on more levels has made me feel for them more. I'm just broke right now and in a position to see that empathy doesn't pay dick.
It's weird. Minimalism for some reason is supposed to be the exclusive domain of male writers - it's the Hemingway thing, or the Sir Thomas Malory thing, or whatever.
But Michael Chabon isn't minimalist, not at all; it's just that, by and large, he doesn't waste the language he uses (although I do think he could have dumped most of the Antarctica sequence in K&K quite well, thankyouverymuch). Nor was Robertson Davies.
