Though it’s been years since I’ve seen you, and longer since I wanted to, really not a lot has changed. The restlessness we shared is still there, only slightly tempered by age. My sense of humor is still dry, and I still change my hair color at the drop of a hat.

Back then you called me loyal. Loyal and steadfast, and I was, long after it was reasonable or wise. That hasn’t changed either. It’s been years, after all, and I am still loyal to my anger at you and the harm you caused.

Back then you called me loyal. Loyal and steadfast, and I was, long after it was reasonable or wise. That hasn’t changed either. It’s been years, after all, and I am still loyal to my anger at you and the harm you caused.

Perkins broke me.

That makes me smile, Perkins, in anticipation of a smackdown.

****

It hits me every time I put foot to this tarmac. I know how to bundle against the cold, get by speaking French, am not surprised at the number of curries out there, don't think twice about homosexuality, never go to church, am used to monochromatic currency and coins that are actually worth something, and can name multiple types of malus domestica.

But you can't take here from me. When I'm there I'm strange, random, cold-shy, an eater of strange foods, over-educated, almost-accented, a bad speller, and overly fond of rum.

Everyone thinks I'm foreign. Who calls me their own?

It's a little short, but oh well.

You lied.

You cheated.

You slapped.

You hurt.

You maimed.

And I accepted.

Accepted that sometimes, that was love. That it was ok. That is was normal.

Friends would look at me with pity, with sorrow, and with disgust.

I looked inside me, and had no idea who it was.

I left.

And you had no idea I was gone.

Then again, how could you? You didn’t recognize me when you had me.

So why am I surprised you don’t recognize me now?

Love both of those, ita and Aimee.

ita, I know another Jamaican-Canadian (born on the island, raised in Missisauga, her folks are back in Jamaica now, and she's living in Portland, Oregon, of all places) who would just smile and nod her head at your latest.

Deb, you broke me a little bit, as you always do.

Perkins, I don't know whether to hope that yours isn't from life, or just marvel at its glittering simplicity while staying well away from its very sharp edge.

Aimee, ouch. That's lovely and heartbreaking.

Oh, you can make me laugh. And you know it. You know exactly when I'll be overcome with giggles, unable to stop laughing out loud. You know how to get my heart rate galloping by word alone. I will be breathless and begging for your touch, exactly when you want me to.

You know what makes me cry, and how to get me to stop. You remind me that people care, that it's never as bad as I think, never as pointless. You love me.

Standing here in the arrivals lounge, I wonder how much I look like my photographs.

Perkins, I don't know whether to hope that yours isn't from life, or just marvel at its glittering simplicity while staying well away from its very sharp edge.

It's funny, because the first part very much is, based on pre-reunion thoughts, and the second part very much isn't. Not quite sure where it came from.

Sticking with - well not fairy tales, but classic stories...

Patient

People marvel at how calm I stay. But I know you. You would never betray me for someone who would stay loyal to you. When your new queen turns Judas, you'll tearfully repent and go back to me. I’ll smile as though receiving the greatest of all possible rewards. Everyone will hold me up as a model of how the perfect meek woman behaves.

I’m patient, I’ll wait. But some fine spring when you are in the mood, I’ll serve you a fine bowl of watercress, and lettuce, crowned by what you will swear are mushrooms fried in garlic – a wonderful salad, served cold.

Oh, EXCELLENT revenge fantasy!