Mal: Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near miraculous. Simon: Yes, I'm very proud.

'Safe'


The Great Write Way, Chapter Two: Twice upon a time...  

A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.


Jesse - Apr 03, 2006 7:38:40 pm PDT #5899 of 10001
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

There’s a tradition in my family, handed down from my grandmother to my mother to me. I’ll pass it along to my kids some day. About sixth grade, it started to get embarrassing when my friend saw, but it always made me smile inside. What you do is, in the morning when you’re making lunch, you write a note on the banana. You don’t need a pen; your fingernail works just fine to barely scrape the banana peel. It doesn’t show up right away, but by lunchtime, the broken skin has browned, and the banana says “XOXO” or “LOVE YOU.”


deborah grabien - Apr 03, 2006 10:29:49 pm PDT #5900 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

Damn, I have no memories of, or traditions associated with, school lunches, unless cutting class to get stoned at the Cloisters instead of going back to class after lunch counts.

I'm-a sit back and enjoy everyone else's this week. It's like a different language.


Anne W. - Apr 04, 2006 2:41:47 am PDT #5901 of 10001
The lost sheep grow teeth, forsake their lambs, and lie with the lions.

Sometimes it's not so much the lunch you remember as the container...

There are some people who, the instant you meet them, you just know are going to be your best friend. You were one of those people. We were enjoying comfortable silences bare minutes after meeting, and before long were completing each other's sentences, much to the amusement of the mutual friend who had just introduced us.

I think, though, that the thing that convinced me we were sisters separated by birth is that we both, half a continent away from each other and completely unware of the other's existence, defied first grade gender expectations by proudly toting Evel Knievel lunchboxes.


erikaj - Apr 04, 2006 5:35:44 am PDT #5902 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!

I'm thinking this is...not that great. But what the hell...
My mom was sort of a hippie so my lunches were weird to the other kids. Generally just in a plain bag, although one year there was a Muppet lunchbox tooApparently in grade school only freaks eat fruit without sugar on it, so I was a freak among freaks. I should have prepared...this was going to happen a lot. My best friend in the world(so much easier to say when you’re nine) had a mom that was, like, a hardcore hippie. She rode her bike to help out at school and they had a nude drawing in their house.She also cursed quite a lot, and she never gave my friend anything that even looked like junk in her lunch. I suppose I could’ve gotten some of the weird off of me by giving it to her, but our moms were friends and I suppose what my mom said was true: Things were different in New York, where my friend’s mom was from.


Steph L. - Apr 04, 2006 7:01:58 am PDT #5903 of 10001
I look more rad than Lutheranism

unless cutting class to get stoned at the Cloisters instead of going back to class after lunch counts.

Oh, HELL yes! Please?


deborah grabien - Apr 04, 2006 7:54:07 am PDT #5904 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

For Teppy:

---

"Monks?"

"Yep."

Post-lunch, and we're stuffed with falafel. The afternoon looms: geometry, civics, German. Aviva, rocker and Israeli exchange student, has Spanish, gym and trig. Yuck.

"They grow marijuana?"

"Yep."

We take the train to Ft. Tryon Park. Aviva's pop-eyed, a Sabra confronted by a medieval monastery in NYC. I know all the monks.

We slip into the Bonnefont Cloister gardens. Two of the brothers are passing the pipe.

Pot smoke wafts across the Hudson. Aviva and Brother Clement are debating judaism versus christianity, giggling a lot. I close my eyes, getting a contact high, digesting my falafel.

Beats the hell out of civics.


erikaj - Apr 04, 2006 8:46:05 am PDT #5905 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!

As somebody who got an "A" in civics...yeah.


Allyson - Apr 04, 2006 10:30:08 am PDT #5906 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica

I just sent the worst thing I've ever written since...hm. Since high school I think, our for beta.

I lost my mojo. If someone finds it, please send it as an attachment to my profile addie? It's creating panic.


deborah grabien - Apr 04, 2006 10:34:26 am PDT #5907 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

Allyson, you have mail. Questions.

Just to let you know, the structure isn't nearly as bad as you think it is - what's off, big-time, is your tone. Off, as in, startlingly different from the rest of the book. But that's not a hard fix, not once you can see where it's wrestling with you.

Asked in email - do you want deep edits, general commentary, or both, or neither?


Allyson - Apr 04, 2006 10:37:36 am PDT #5908 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica

I can't see where it's wrestling with me. I'm pinned with my face to the mat.

Sent back!