Hey, anybody out there feel like taking a quick look at something for me? 4K words, first chapter of a werewolf novel for the White Wolf novel contest, due tomorrow. Pretty much any advice you can give would be groovy, whether on clarity, structure, jargon-watch, whatever. Hit me at joe AT joecrow DOT net.

In the course of writing about Detective Mallory for "meat", I found out some important stuff about him... so, my second entry for "Trust".

Tommy never forgot how Dave Miller had his back. They were partners, it’s how two guys could spend ten-hour days jammed in a Crown Vic together. Your partner’s a little late, you mark his time sheet for him, crap like that. He was the one you had to answer to, not the little twirps in Accounts Payable. But it went deeper for Tommy and Dave... they had a secret, though it wasn’t as gay as that sounded. Dave wrote Tommy’s reports, because of this thing Tommy had, that when Pammy, his princess, his angel on earth, had it, they called it dyslexia. For Tommy they called it being an idiot and his old man whacked him with a wooden spoon over his book reports. Tommy would dictate and Dave would write...cop handwriting was always supposed to look the same anyway. Miller always marveled that Mallory could recall a scene so vividly hours after the fact and sometimes he’d be too fucking impressed to actually collect the dark German beer Tommy “paid” him with.(Of course, Phoenix was a smaller town then...he’s not sure he could do that now. Fucking...sprawl, that was the word for it.) So, if Dave wanted his ticket punched early, it wasn’t really in Tommy to judge, though he missed the son of bitch so much sometimes, Ally’s thoughtful expression was like a kick to the nuts.

this thing Tommy had, that when Pammy, his princess, his angel on earth, had it, they called it dyslexia. For Tommy they called it being an idiot and his old man whacked him with a wooden spoon over his book reports.

I love this so MUCH. Great writing.

mulling over Trust. this popped in my head.

Trust. Such a passive-aggressive thing. It's there or it isn't. Asking after it won't make it appear, and if you have to ask you already know you don't have it. But you're betting the other person is such a pussy that they won't want to look bad by admitting to your face that they'd rather trust Hannibal Lecter with their child than you with anything. It's rude not to trust someone, you'll hurt their feelings. Serial killers and con artists know that.

Trust. It's there or it's not. You already know. Don't ask me. Because I'll tell you.

Thanks, Robin. I'm thinking that my biggest supporting character doesn't want to be supporting forever. Connie, good one.

Damn, connie. That one cuts to the quick. Well done.

erika, I love the voice that comes through so clearly in your writing. Nice job.

Mine or his? (I'm only half kidding about that.)

People who are interested in reading some intentionally bad writing might want to mosey over to the fanfiction thread, starting about here: Lyra Jane "Fan Fiction II: Great story! Where's the sequel?" Jun 29, 2005 6:35:23 am PDT

mu-HA!

R&RNF in a nutshell

New challenge?