OK. Deep breath.

I HATE GRAMMAR NAZIS.

I've just spent the last fucking HOUR readind a series of teeny weeny little post-it notes. This is layout kid with delusions of copy-editorhood.

Every single fucking comma this dumbass wants to change to a semi-colon, or remove entirely, or whatever? Gets a mention of the OED. No, pardon me. The SHORTER OED.

Dear kid, FUCK YOU AND SHUT UP. You are not a copy-editor; I do not care about the Shorter OED, to which I do not refer when crafting dialogue, because guess what, numb-nuts, people talking informally do NOT sound like dictionaries; and I do not appreciate having to spend three hours typing out "Page 116, 3, 6: NOT MY PURVIEW" because you're mixing layout questions with grammar notations.

IOW? Fuck off and die.

Fucking punctuation gestapo dickweed. I don't believe I have to waste my time on this. So far, in 63 tiny little post-it notes? I've found five actual things that needed addressing.

Assholes.

GAH.

headdesk

Man, did he pick the wrong person to nitpick. I assume you're going to speak to someone about this?

I've already vented at warp eleven at poor Toni Plummer, Ruth's assistant.

He's correcting me on the spelling of "bate", as in "the hawk bated, then resettled." He includes an entire teeny tiny carefully written note from the shorter OED, with all the splendid and varied meanings of "bait". Problem is, "bate" is the UK spellling for the term meaning "to flap wings suddenly and wildly". It's a goddamned falconry term.

Over a hundred of these fucking things.

The damned thing goes to final layout Monday. There's no time.

I am going to kill these people. And St. Martin's? It's a damned good thing the WIP isn't slated to be sent their way because I have enough of this.

Bloody gestapo. And don't throw Godwin's Law at me. I said grammar gestapo and that is precisely what I mean.

"would pluperfect or subjunctive be more appropriate use in proper context of syntax here?"

I want to watch the little idiot die right now.

No Buffista jury would convict you. Some folks just need killing, you know.

Did I mention his other cutesiepoo trick? He has post-its folded over the edge of the page, with the note part on the back of the page, and he hasn't marked anything on the front.

So if he writes "para 4, line 6", I have to go and count. No pencil markings.

Die, die, DIE.

Dumbass. No, wait... Is that dumb-ass, or dumb ass? Ask him.

What I want to know is on what planet he thinks this is his job, and if he does this all the time, why he still has a job.

Susan, the vibe I get off the notes? Is a fresh out of college English major, trying to impress the professor he no longer has.

Let's see, here's a sampling of what has me walking away from this until I cool down, and the deadline can bite me:

All of this on post-its folded backward, mind you. Nothing to tell me where on the page I'm supposed to be looking.

(post it folded back) "(p.133) para 6, l.3: "the word "Festival" is used here, with u.c. first letter. However, elsewhere in the book, it is referred to as the "Callowen House" festival. Should we not edit all these for purposes of consistency?"

After I turn the page over, talking to myself and issuing death threats, I count down six paragraphs - because he hasn't marked the page itself, mind you - and read what he's talking about. I then type - on a separate sheet, mind you - the following:

Page 133, paragraph 6, line 3: The word "Festival" here is being used in conversation, not in narrative. As an example, no one who went to Woodstock has ever, to my certain knowledge, casually remarked, "I caught Jimi Hendrix's set at Woodstock: Three Days of Peace, Love and Music in Bethel, New York!" We just call it Woodstock. I was there. Trust me."

There are over a hundred of these fucking entries.

Dumbass. No, wait... Is that dumb-ass, or dumb ass?

BWAH!

Thanks...I have a friend who's an editor and I did ask him whether "fucked up" was hyphenated once.