Well, there's no way I can compete with the bad porn, for it is truly bad. I laughed until I cried, bad.

Twu Wuv

I know she loves me; it’s obvious. Look at the way she was so impressed with my ability to catch popcorn in my mouth at the movie theater today, half the bucket at once, a feat never before attempted by one man alone, much less in the middle of the latest Star Wars installment. For a moment, I thought half the row behind me was going to break into applause when I heard their amazed shouts of “Would you look at what he’s doing now?” She has to be dying for me, I saw that longing gaze she sent me.

Aimee is skinning me alive, I'm laughing so hard. I wouldn't even attempt a romance-themed baddie; I can do the porn, but not the bodice-y stuff.

And awwwwwwww, Sail: Geek Bad!

I just got home and since everyone else had already gotten to the good manroot, I figured I'd have to come up with something a little more lame (and tame.)

Canny shook back her main of fiery hair to her tiny waist, man-spannable. Her delicate nostrils flaired as a wave of pure lust hit her aromatically like ten thousand battering rams through her conciousness.

It was the scent of aroused vampire!

He loomed before her, a towering bulwark of dangerous sexuality. Sex shimmered off him like the sun blazing back up from the hard desert floor. Even her stubborn strength of will, smelted in the furnace of her soul, could not defy the lure of his beguilment.

His dark dangerous eyes shot out messages to her. Come to me! he shouted silently, and her head lolled back on its fragile stem, submission writ on every straining line of her. She felt her feminine core turn liqiud, like a great puddle of butter, melting in sun. Her horsewoman's thighs trembled, then loosened in acquiesence.

And the dark night came upon her.

Oh, geez, Erin. My next submission is going to seem lame compared to yours. Oh, well. May this one (not) bear fruit.

Man Lips! Lips of Man!

He’s so beautiful. Those sleepy, cerulean orbs that beckon to me with every sultry glance across the table. He’s picking up one of the glistening, ripe red strawberries (like his pouty lips) and dipping it into the gooey, chocolaty goodness. My mouth waters, waiting for the touch of either of those exquisite comestibles. I want to pluck them with my lips and enjoy their juicy goodness, feel their wetness melting in my mouth and flowing over my palate, a river of delight for my tongue to swim in. Could any one man be so scrumptious and yummy as he is?

Wow, we're brilliant at the badsex!

The funny thing is, I'm just at the point of the wip where it's building up to the first sex scenes. Which hopefully will be goodsex--all hot without being hokey, and significant and specific to these characters.

A tough enough thing to do without the ghost of one's Baptist grandmother staring over one's shoulder.

129 words, but I kept giggling when I wrote it:

Dear Diary,

It finally happened! After all those nights sneaking out to the cemetery, I finally met HIM. He wouldn’t admit it, but I know he’s a vampire. He’s so brooding and mysterious! And gentlemanly – he kissed my hand and called me ‘delectable’! We talked for hours, until I almost missed the last bus home (and it would have sucked to walk home at three in the morning!)

As soon as Mom & Dad fall asleep tonight, I’m going to meet him. I’m wearing my black lace dress that Mom wanted me to return (but I hid in the back of my closet) and my cape from last year’s Halloween costume. I have to look perfect for my Dark Prince.

I’m going to become a vampire! I can’t wait!

Oh dear, I killed the thread. Sorry!

I only have the opener:

The moon was swollen and yellow in the velvet black of the night sky. The color reminded Patrice of urine. She shook her head as if to shake away the memories of that awful night in Nashville and the ensuing mayhem that resulted from her dog Henry's unfortunate taste for ecstasy, root beer and stale Cheetos.

She could hardly blame Reese for leaving her high and dry after that. Well, high, anyway.

Cash, just borrow some of Jilli's words, she ran over. And you're both talking about night, kinda. It should work, just like a Mad Libs book.