The Case of the Putrid Procedural
Officer Flynn felt his gorge rise and he left his steak dinner in the gutter as he came upon the nubile teenaged corpse, a blonde angel with injuries he thought he had left in the verdant hell that was the Mekong Delta. Why was it always the pretty ones....she wasn’t that much older than his own daughter, Kathleen, who had become a stranger with either the phone stuck to her ear or a bong stuck in her mouth. Just another little girl looking for trouble, but this girl? Actually found it.
a blonde angel with injuries he thought he had left in the verdant hell that was the Mekong Delta
erika, close, but yours is still pretty good in other spots. You need to really try hard if you want to genuinely stink.
Maybe something like "Just another hot potato, looking for a hot date with trouble" at the end?
Guess I've been reading only *good* mysteries lately. mostly this is a good thing.
Let's not forget timeless children's literature:
Booblebear Explains It All For You
Horny Owl had to visit his sick mother. Booblebear was teaching the Sunday School lesson for the week. Booblebear did his best to answer questions according to the Big Book.
“Why is the sky blue, Booblebear?”
“Because God’s favorite color is blue, Christopher Bobbett.”
“Why is water so wet, Booblebear?”
“As the psalms tell us, Figger, so that we can slake our thirst and still stay pure as God intends us to.”
“Hey, Booblebear, where do babies come from?”
“Well, Sniglet, when a mommy’s honeypot and a daddy’s manroot find a cozy little citadel...”
t snerks at Astarte
I love that, AmyLiz! Drako and Cayenne, indeed!
And erika, I've hardly ever read a police procedural, and that's still got me laughing aloud. Loved the bit where he reflects on his daughter.
(Did y'all notice how I used the wrong form of address for a duke?)
I started with the ending on that one.
I just felt so
inspired,
you know?
Doffing my hat to Susan.
Snerk.
when a mommy’s honeypot and a daddy’s manroot find a cozy little citadel
Bwah!
Drako and Cayenne, indeed!
Someone actually submitted a manuscript to me in which the heroine's name was Cayenne. I also had a Cinnamon once. And Drako was a big favorite. Sigh.
erika, you hit just the right tone there. And the Mekong Delta, too! Hee.
It'll be a sad day for writers like that when all the veterans of The Nam are retired, at least until people are fucked up from the middle East. Another one...this time count the cliches.
“Do it again, Flynn,” the captain growled, “and I’ll have your shield.”
“But sir...” The detective said, with only a slight flinch in his steely gaze.
“You’re a loose cannon. I don’t like loose cannons, and neither does the chief”.
“I get results, Captain. You know I do.” It was cold comfort since his wife had been butchered so cruelly, but he had not missed getting a clearance or conviction in two years. Technicalities happened to weaker cops. He knew he skipped three ranks for a reason and now, at twenty-three, was the youngest homicide cop in history, in any jurisdiction, ever. That, and his perfect French and mastery of ten martial arts, seemed to make Quantico a no-brainer but he wouldn’t want it any other way. No special treatment for this senator’s son.
That, and his perfect French and mastery of ten martial arts, seemed to make Quantico a no-brainer but he wouldn’t want it any other way. No special treatment for this senator’s son.
BWAH! erika, you know what's scary? You could have entered this one in the cliche challenge, too. This one has every cop cliche in the kitchen sink.
