Bird In The Hand

"Nope. Spending the night is boyfriend stuff. And you don't want a boyfriend."

"Pfft." Her grimace was empty of emotion. "You know I'm not a girlfriend sort of a girl. Besides, you'd have to give up all your other women."

"She ... they ... I already did."

She didn't look up, or break her rhythm.

Hours later, he's searching for his scattered clothes, trying not to disturb her.

When he looks over, in the dim light, she's watching him opaquely, and holding his rumpled shirt tight to her body. She shakes her head.

"Don't leave."

(dying over ita's)

Oh, yes indeedy.

I love the complete tease of that "watching him opaquely." I love a good adverb and I get really pissed at adverb nazis; used properly, as you just did, they're stone cold gorgeous. I love that the word brought up multiple visuals in my head, mutiple possibilities, for that opaque-looking. Are her eyes clouded, is it dark, are her motives hidden, and on and on...

I love that you respect the reader enough to let her/him draw that picture in his/her own head.

edited for clarity: the adverbs are gorgeous, not the adverb-haters.

Ok, I got a good "Awww" out of that. Holding his shirt hostage. (I'd have ended it with the head shake, but that's me.)

ita! You made a bunch of word pictures in my head.

I think ita is one of the most sensuous writers in this thread. Maybe ever. When she writes, I get that it's cold, or warm, cloudy, sunny, dark, I taste the fruit she mentions, feel the blood trickle, air strike a new cut, feel the ache of a bruise.

Of course, these things are important to me. I try to write with them in mind. It's just a joy to find them in someone else's work.

I try to write with them in mind.

Heh. I try to write with them somewhere between my groin and the pit of my stomach.

I try to write with them somewhere between my groin and the pit of my stomach.

Well, that too.

I think ita is one of the most sensuous writers in this thread.

Oh, very much so. I don't think she's ever written a drabble that hasn't hit me right in the gut.

But there's definitely a school of romance writing popular in judging circles that insists that the hero and heroine be in direct conflict with each other, and that the conflict must be spelled out right from the beginning.

I didn't go to that school. And I'm all for sublety. If some of the conflicts in romances played out in real life... Well, life usually doesn't work that way, is all I'm saying.

And that senses thing? You need to write what works for a given scene. Every single sentence on every single page doesn't require the use of all five senses -- just the ones that convey tone and meaning best.

Ignore me. Contest judging made me cranky in the extreme.

offers Amy soothing yummy food to ease crankitude

BTW, you may be getting or may have already got an email from Vortex - she has an urgent situation, concerning an industry question. I forwarded it to my agent but that could take days for Jenn to get to, and I suggested she email you.

you may be getting or may have already got an email from Vortex

No problem. I'll look for it. And thank you for the yummy food. I'm imagining they're peanut butter death bombs, by the way.

Off to keep plugging on the book that's already late...