Cindy, that's gorgeous. I do have a question about one line:

She is quiet—telling herself she’s keeping the peace, but knows the truth—the dead always are.

The dead always are....? Is there a reference I'm missing, or a word missing, possibly? (Which, entre nous, is entirely possible, since no coffee yet.)

I didn't know how to structure that deb, so I'm glad you brought it up. I meant to ask, anyhow. The "the dead always are" refers back to the beginning of the sentence, "She is quiet."

She's not actually dead, just dead inside.

Note about writing contests -- I just got this from a friend who'd entered the Golden Heart (RWA contest for best unpublished manuscript).

Last year, I finalled with one entry, and got five 9's and a 5 on the second. This year, in the GH, I received the worst scores I've ever made in a contest in all my years of entering. On BOTH entries I submitted. And the entry that garnered four 9's and a 5 last year garnered 3's and 5's this year.

Same woman, same writing, revised and improved manuscript. It's a total crapshoot.

Ah - yes, definitely a structure issue, because as it's put together, the dead are always keeping the peace.

She is quiet—telling herself she’s keeping the peace, but knows the truth—the dead always are.

Hmmmm. I count seventeen words in that phrase. Maybe:

She's quiet; the dead always are. She tells herself she’s keeping the peace, but knows the truth.

Thank you, deb. I will play with it.

Sail, all kinds of Word~ma so you can keep pounding away. And contest~ma, too. Go you!

Cindy, I loved your drabble, but I agree with Deb -- I think rewording that sentence will make it clearer.

Note about writing contests ... It's a total crapshoot.

Oh, definitely. And especially when numeric values are involved. Reading a piece of writing is a gestalt thing -- asking someone to deconstruct it element by element may be the only way to get consistent scores for contest purposes, but it's not the way editors read submissions. And the number always seems too finite -- the difference between a 4 and 6 seems huge, but the written responses that might correlate with those scores would probably be much more similar.

Amy, you're making me extremely glad that I never entered any writing contests. Scary.

Of course, I never even knew there were such things, until very recently.

I used to hate judging, Deb, for that very reason. And I was usually the "prize," you know? A score by an editor. I stopped doing any that wanted me to assign, section by section, numeric values: Is the point of view consistent throughout? Score 1 to 5. That's a yes or no question in my mind. Is the internal conflict introduced early enough and is it clear enough? Score 1 to 5. What if it's introduced late for a good reason? What if it's not spelled out in capital letters right away for a reason? Shudder.

I'm not making light of contests, either -- getting your proposal/partial in front of an editor as a result of finaling is a good and useful thing, and I read some contest entries that inspired me to pursue authors for publication. But after a while I said, Look. I'll read them. I'll write a nice critique, give praise where it's due and constructive criticism to point someone in the right direction. But I'm not filling out numbers on a score sheet anymore.

Thanks for the fix, deb. It sounds much better.

Cindy, even with the slight structural issue, that's a gorgeous, gorgeous drabble.

Is the point of view consistent throughout? Score 1 to 5. That's a yes or no question in my mind. Is the internal conflict introduced early enough and is it clear enough? Score 1 to 5. What if it's introduced late for a good reason? What if it's not spelled out in capital letters right away for a reason?

Oh, man, how horrible. I would have probably zeroed on all of those. Conflict? I didn't even know what "Plainsong" was about until I'd written half the book - I just knew it wanted to get written.

Then again, I don't compete. I'm not big on "winning". Never saw the point; I just do what I do, and that includes my neverending jones to sit down with a group of people, and say "Once upon a time..."

Mind you, I am definitely not dissing contests. I just mean they're from an entirely zone from the one I personally inhabit.