The older three fled long ago. Any sleep the youngest two find is fleeting—all their dreams disturbed.

He stumbles in. She's quiet; the dead always are. She tells herself she’s keeping the peace, but knows the truth. There’s no right way. A wrong word, an extra word, an unspoken word—glance—or lack thereof, and it begins.

Two little boys squeeze their eyes shut. The first lesson they ever learned from the older ones was to breathe slow and deep. They’re sure he can hear their hearts pounding. He cannot hear their silent prayers: There’s no place like home.

(wc 100)

OMG Cindy, what a stomach punch. So good.

Thanks, Ailleann.

Cindy, that's gorgeous. I do have a question about one line:

She is quiet—telling herself she’s keeping the peace, but knows the truth—the dead always are.

The dead always are....? Is there a reference I'm missing, or a word missing, possibly? (Which, entre nous, is entirely possible, since no coffee yet.)

I didn't know how to structure that deb, so I'm glad you brought it up. I meant to ask, anyhow. The "the dead always are" refers back to the beginning of the sentence, "She is quiet."

She's not actually dead, just dead inside.

Note about writing contests -- I just got this from a friend who'd entered the Golden Heart (RWA contest for best unpublished manuscript).

Last year, I finalled with one entry, and got five 9's and a 5 on the second. This year, in the GH, I received the worst scores I've ever made in a contest in all my years of entering. On BOTH entries I submitted. And the entry that garnered four 9's and a 5 last year garnered 3's and 5's this year.

Same woman, same writing, revised and improved manuscript. It's a total crapshoot.

Ah - yes, definitely a structure issue, because as it's put together, the dead are always keeping the peace.

She is quiet—telling herself she’s keeping the peace, but knows the truth—the dead always are.

Hmmmm. I count seventeen words in that phrase. Maybe:

She's quiet; the dead always are. She tells herself she’s keeping the peace, but knows the truth.

Thank you, deb. I will play with it.

Sail, all kinds of Word~ma so you can keep pounding away. And contest~ma, too. Go you!

Cindy, I loved your drabble, but I agree with Deb -- I think rewording that sentence will make it clearer.

Note about writing contests ... It's a total crapshoot.

Oh, definitely. And especially when numeric values are involved. Reading a piece of writing is a gestalt thing -- asking someone to deconstruct it element by element may be the only way to get consistent scores for contest purposes, but it's not the way editors read submissions. And the number always seems too finite -- the difference between a 4 and 6 seems huge, but the written responses that might correlate with those scores would probably be much more similar.

Amy, you're making me extremely glad that I never entered any writing contests. Scary.

Of course, I never even knew there were such things, until very recently.