Dad has already survived a fairly severe heart attack and two bouts with cancer (the previous occurrence of lung cancer and colon cancer). So the rumors of mortality have been there for awhile, but he hasn't had anything serious in 5-6 years.
I know that he's 75 and has all kinds of risk factors for this kind of thing and has lived a long and happy life. But I want to bargain with the universe for five more years. That way, when I tell Annabel what a wonderful man her grandfather was, she'll have at least a few memories of her own to pin my stories to. And I'd dearly love to be able to give him an autographed copy of my first novel. Five years isn't a lot of time to go from having one manuscript in cold storage in a box under your bed and another 1/4 finished to having an actual book in your hands, but I'm prepared to hold up my end of the bargain by working ever so hard on the writing/editing/marketing end.
I know, I know! And I prefer "bull-headed" so...there!
Oh boy, am I ever right there with you.
Make it 3 of us. Even though, technically, I haven't had a cig in almost 24 hours and the one I had was half. But, I'm about to be freaking out.
Oh, Erin. I totally get the bristling and heels-digging-in-ness in response to nagging.
And yet... I nag people. I totally nag. Because, fuck, I'm selfish. You, for instance. I've only gotten to spend two weekends around you in my whole entire life, and I'm greedy and I want more. I don't want the people I love getting sick and spending their last years debilitated with ugly, incredibly cruel chronic illnesses, because the very thought of it makes me get gaspy and weepy and rageful at the universe.
So sometimes what comes out of my mouth or my fingertips at people is naggy, but what's going on underneath that is almost always, "NO NO NO. I love you. You are good and delicious and I FORBID you to leave this world ONE SECOND before you absolutely have to. Please?"
eta: That goes for you, too, Aimée, and Deena, and vw and Emily if you haven't quit already, and Cindy, and no doubt (to my distress) many others. Anyone who's a raging shithole, on the other hand? Go ahead, light up and be quick about it.
So sometimes what comes out of my mouth or my fingertips at people is naggy, but what's going on underneath that is almost always, "NO NO NO. I love you. You are good and delicious and I FORBID you to leave this world ONE SECOND before you absolutely have to. Please?"
JZ, if you don't mind, I'm going to print out that paragraph and carry it around with me to use when I need. Especially for when I start to ... remind Pete that he needs to eat vegetables.
I know, I know! And I prefer "bull-headed" so...there!
Dude, I am totally going to kick your ass if you get cancer. I will fly into Kansas City expressly for that purpose.
JZ, I'm also printing and putting it on my computer to read. I might pretend that Emeline said it, if you don't mind.
JZ, for the record, I've quit.
I marked your post, JZ. I will read it again later and appreciate it even more than I do now, which is saying a lot.
