Ooooh, I could get into a lazy morning snuggling Kristin!! That sounds like fun! :)

Yay for Buffista in NYT! Nice picture, nice article. But I am stupid and don't know who she is. Unless it's, you know, Erin.

Psst....Perkins is a drain on society....pass it on....

Yeah, but at least I don't SUCK.

nope not the erin you mean - but she hasn't been around as much as she used to be

Her buffista name is erinaceous.

Have fun, vw!

Yay! on the nice bookshelves, Deena.

Regarding yesterday's funerary discussion, DH and I have been extremely upfront, nay, adamant with each other and our kids. DH: cremated, his ashes strewn in three separate locations hundreds of miles apart. We may trek as a family to do the strewing, or the two sons and I may divvie up DH's ashes, synchronise our watches, go to the three locations and strew at the same moment. Don't know yet, that part's up to us.

Do.not.bury.me. Don't, just don't, or I will claw my way out of the box and come back and eat your braaaaaaiinnns. I promise. Vincent Price and Myrna Fahey and Mark Damon in House of Usher at a very impressionable age made a mark, oh yes it did. Buffy didn't help matters, either. Donation of anything donateable and body farming, or cut me in quarters and throw me to the wolves in a fenced preserve somewhere would be my first choice. Cremation as a last resort preferrable to burial.

I'm not a big believer in funerals, as such, or graveside services, but I've done both for people who wanted that, who very deeply believed they'd be resurrected whole when the time came and had nightmares about "waking up" in Heaven missing vital parts. I do believe survivors have a need to say goodbye, a need for closure, and so I support memorial services, whether or not the deceased is physically present. You all know my thoughts on roadside shrines memorializing a car-crash victim's last (likely panic and pain-filled) moments on earth. I also recognize the need of a specific place for survivors to feel like they can go to "talk" to their lost beloved, so I do see the need for a monument or marker of some sort.

My dad has half a plot and half a headstone with his own marker at the foot of the grave in the local cemetary. He and my mom seemed to derive some comfort from knowing where they'd be, and that they'd be properly marked, attributed, and together. My mom has a funeral arrangement in place, with a coffin and a vault already picked out and paid for. It gives her peace of mind, as it did my dad.

My father-in-law died suddenly and unexpectedly. There was no notice in the paper. My MIL called a few people later on in the week. The morning he died, she, my DH and BIL went from FIL's bedside to the mortuary and arranged for cremation. DH picked up the ashes, and the following weekend our entire nuclear family of seven gathered on a mountain that's a local milestone, and a favorite place of Dad's. Mom said a prayer and made a brief eulogy, and we scattered his ashes. The wind took them down over the mountainside. I had brought roses for each of us, and we scattered the petals on the wind as well.

We chose a moment for the actual scattering when there were no other tourists in sight. Otherwise we were just a family sightseeing.

My mom? Has never once been to the cemetary to visit Dad's grave. And every time any of our family drives by the mountain, we stop if there's time, and if not, we smile and remember Dad.

Sorry for the long. I just meant to say that there's no "right" way, unless your faith dictates what must be done. I do think the deceased's wishes should preclude those of the survivors' though. I say again: Do.Not.Bury.Me. Please, and thank you.

It's nice to see when the press recognizes a Buffista for her/his brilliance, yet comforting to realize that no one in the media has connected the dots and figured out our world-domination plan.

wrod.

Could we speed up that world-domination plan? I'm not loving the current world domination.

I also recognize the need of a specific place for survivors to feel like they can go to "talk" to their lost beloved, so I do see the need for a monument or marker of some sort.

This is actually one of the many reasons why I don't want to be buried. My grandmother used to go to the cemetery and talk to her dead sons. I don't need to go anywhere to talk to my grandmother: I have her treadle sewing machine, her favorite sister's toy iron, the Little Women dolls she bought for me and piles of doll clothes she made for me. She's always here with me.

My mother offered to buy a plot next to her and dad and bought one for my sister. I said, "No, thank you." I like real cemeteries, the kind that have fallen angels and worn headstones, but this is one of those cemeteries in which the only design consideration is being easy to mow. And I don't want to be buried.

I don't need to go anywhere to talk to my grandmother: I have her treadle sewing machine, her favorite sister's toy iron, the Little Women dolls she bought for me and piles of doll clothes she made for me. She's always here with me

That's the way I feel about my mother. When she died my father told me I could have anything of hers that I wanted. She had a dozen different warm, fuzzy button down shirts that I loved, so I took those. Every time I put one on, I feel like I'm getting a hug from her. I don't really need to go to a place to feel close to her. As long as I can remember her, she's close.