You know, the more I think about it the more I like the idea of just having a nice dinner and then going for a drive, maybe take a stroll on the beach at Carkeek Park or Golden Gardens if it's not too cold. Because we have the babysitter from 6:00-10:00, which means getting out of the house at 6:15 or 6:30. Most movies start at 7:00 or 7:30, which leaves little time to eat and talk. And I want the food and the talking way more than any current movie.

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I had a horrifying vision of your sitting in the corner with a box and a spoon.

t Pushes the box of chocolate pudding mix in the home office farther behind the stuffed Cthulhu

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that one whose name I'm forgetting with the guy back in NJ for the funeral and Natalie Portman.

Garden State.

Cool about the cockroaches, Hec. Clever solution.

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and that one whose name I'm forgetting with the guy back in NJ for the funeral and Natalie Portman.

Beautiful Girls? I loved that movie.

But before I go; Cindy, that was beautiful. Thank you for writing it and sharing it.

Thanks, Jen. You're a quick study. Also, I really want to thank you for asking the question, because it's something I've always wondered, but never knew how to ask. I was surprised to realize I should have known the answer from my own experience, but there ya go.

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Beautiful Girls? I loved that movie.

That's a good one too. I watched it during my own personal Natalie Portman-fest the summer of '99.

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That wasn't the funeral/NJ, was it. I think it was set in Gloucester or Rockport, MA. Why was Timothy Hutton back in town, in that one?

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Why was Timothy Hutton back in town, in that one?

I can't remember. Was it a reunion? There was a whole "old friends" kind of thing.

hits IMDb

Yep. High school reunion.

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High school reunion?

Sweet Caroline...

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I have lost 34 pounds since August. How are you doing this?

Beathen, basically I hit my highest weight evah in July/August through just being chronically depressed – all I did was stay home, sleep and eat crappy food. Working through the depression and just being flat damn broke this fall worked off some of the weight, and student teaching, working a PT job and being broke AND trying to curb impulse buys (most of which has involved calling in Chinese or pizza cause I was too depressed to leave the house) has lead to a shitload of weight loss. I haven’t been focused on it at all - focused on trying to get my LIFE together, and NSM worried about weight, and it has just HAPPENED. Which has snowballed into this weight loss,and now that it happened, I’m just trying to work with it, and make smarter food choices...and it seems to be working. I need to exercise, and maybe now that it’s nicer out, I will, but the weight loss has just been a happy side effect of pulling my ass out of the mire of Depressionville.

Essentially, the more abstract I could make the beliefs, the more comfortable I became. Eventually, I just abstracted out the Deist view of the universe. I do think there is more to us than just matter, so I place myself in the Deist camp rather than the Atheist camp.

Gud articulated my basic position. I was raised Christian, but about 13 or 14 started really questioning a lot of the premises and decided that I just didn’t believe in it. I had a strong pagan period in college, called myself Wiccan for a couple of years, but then I found myself questioning some of those beliefs as well. Basically, I steer clear of organized religion at this point – I think there may be some “godlike” force out there, but I’m just not sure, and basically, the universe runs itself without me believing in some dogma or the other, so I’m cool with it.

What I do believe in is asking interesting questions you may never know the answer to, and in the human capacity for choosing to do good.

I also believe that there is just plain evil out there in the universe. I don’t know whether it’s just me being a silly limited human and I just can’t understand the universe’s need for destruction along with birth...but delight in suffering and pain? I have to call it evil.

But I have years ahead of me to refine and see and think about what the universe holds. I have no need for absolute answers – in fact, absolutes gives me the creepin’ heebies.

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Cindy, thank you. Firstly for calling me friend, and secondly for giving me something to think about.

I did leave the Church for an extended period of time, primarily my college years and the first year and a half of law school. Call it what you will--youthful backlash against religion, outright rebellion--but I was getting nothing from my faith. Maybe 12 years of Catholic education burned me out. I wasn't satisfied with the church-going experience, which may be due to the fact that I never really joined a parish in college (transience and all that), and the on-campus Catholic ministry left me cold. Solitary prayer was just me going through the motions. I didn't feel anything. No connection with God, no spirituality. Couple that with my increasing difficulty in accepting the teachings of the Church on birth control, homosexuality, and abortion, and it was no wonder I walked away.

Ironically, law school brought me back. I attended The Catholic University of America, Columbus School of Law. Yup. It's a Catholic school. Wonder what gave you that idea? Founded by Pope Leo XIII, it is considered the national university of the Catholic Church. I figured I could distance myself from any religious undertones, while taking advantage of the certificate program in International and Trade Law that I so desperately coveted. CUA managed to separate things well. We were there to learn the secular law. Teaching us canon law would do absolutely no good on the bar exam. It was left up to us on how to integrate the discrepancies with our personal faith.

My second year, second semester came around, and I had the good fortune to take Family Law with Father O'Brien. Without going into boring details, that man managed to singlehandedly show me that my secular moral beliefs could coexist with my faith. It was OK to question the Church, while still being a part of it. Slowly, I came back, realizing that my religion was an innate part of who I am. I just lacked the tools to blend it with the rest of me.

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