2. Women can "grow breasts" if they want to get attention? WTF?!

Damn. No one told me this was an option. All that attention, lost.

nor do I need to access the "Ask the tax expert!" discussion board that they have from Feb. 1 to April 15, staffed by co-workers whose regular job is to write tax analysis for the Federal Tax Reporter we publish

So, we can just funnel our questions through you, then? (Kidding. I have stunningly easy taxes.)

Yeah, my taxes are so easy that it would make an accountant laugh. I think our accountant that's on our board is insulted that we don't bring them to him, but really, he would just transfer the information from our W2s to our 1040, and that's it, and TurboTax can do that just as easily.

And you know what, even with tits, it's not really us getting the attention- it's the tits. Like they're divorced from us (which it often feels like they are).

I don't know how she was then, but she's amazing now; Bob thinks she's the funniest woman he's ever met, IIRC.

Oh, how does he know her? (Me, college, obviously.) She was always good, but she was also part of one of the best Mee-ow casts in the troupe's history -- the people I saw her perform with were some of the best improvers I've ever seen, anywhere.

He took a UCB class with her. She had/has a one-woman show at the PIT that was also pretty funny.

This year my bank seems to be dragging its feet about the 1099s, and for the first time I could have two (from savings account and Christmas club). Also, not sure if my stockbroker had my current address in time to send out that crucially important $3.50 dividend 1099 that forced me to abandon EZ forms.

I think I only have to pay state taxes in the state I earned money in, but better ask people down at Finance & Administration to make sure before filing.

I got my 1099 ridiculously early. Like the first week of January. W2s came last week, but I have to check it. Apparently, some were mistakenly run on 2003 forms. Oops.

Can an ear have spasms? I swear mine is. It isn't sore anywhere and then all of a sudden it goes twingey, very much like muscle cramps do. Really weird. And annoying.

So, we can just funnel our questions through you, then?

If it's a hard question, and you give me enough details to give to the expert, sure! I can disguise it as being for a relative (they can also use the free software).

I forgot to report, Victor and Thessaly survived our air mattress. They were very cute with their hair sticking straight up like baby chicks. I gave them directions to find Zazie's for breakfast. Then they're driving back down to LA.