[link] Latest chapter of long fic.

So at the end of the last season I wrote up a Castle snippet, a tag for finale. Of course now I'm posting it here and things have changed, but I wanted some feedback

They had barely spoken since Kate's declaration. They'd made love with a quiet intensity broken only by a few words of encouragement or direction.

Kate felt a stirring panic of “what now” in the afterglow. All day she'd been ridden a wave of vengeance and righteousness. She'd wrapped herself in the single minded determination to find Castle . It had all protected her from thinking too much. She'd avoided Castle b.c she couldn't handle the emotions and tonight she had gone to him, partly so because she couldn't handle the emotions of the day. But also she didn't want to lose him. She'd wanted him more than her badge, more than the assassin, more than anything. Now she felt unmoored and unsure.

They lay together the rain still beating outside. Castle broke the silence and rolled onto his side, propped his head on his hand and said “tell me what happened.”

Kate closed her eyes. She felt so exposed and raw, trying to drive away the creeping worries about what happened between the two of them now. She didn't feel ready to deal with this but she owed him.

She looked at the ceiling, unable to look at him, and took his hand, lacing her fingers in his,she need the connection.

“We got a hit on a hotel, Javi and I went to stake it out. Ryan argued, he wanted us to call for back up but I couldn't...no I was damned if any other cop was going to be involved. We went to his hotel room and found the files, and an album. The assassin surprised us, knocked out Javi and ran for up the service stairs. I got a few shots off and followed him to the roof.”

“We fought. No.” she paused, “I fought. He just...toyed with me. Choked me, then let me recover. I wanted...to prove...” Kate shook her head, she couldn't even articulate the tangle of feelings -her rage and anger, her need to prove ….to her self, to them.. that she was better; to avenge her mother and her self, to prove those smug bastards they messed with the wrong person.

“I charged him, I was going to take him over the edge and if I went, then I went with him. I didn't care.”

Castle squeezed her hand.

“He knew what I'd do. I was clinging to the edge of the roof and he taunted me with that: he knew me.“

“I could barely hang on and the whole time. The whole time. All I could think about was you.I had faith you'd be there, that you'd followed after or some how managed to figure it out . Even when I was slipping all I could think about was you. That you loved me, and I'd wasted my chance.” But it was SWAT and Kevin and Gates.

She put us on suspension. I resigned. It didn't matter Rick. I realized the whole time I was hanging there I never once thought about my mom. It drove me to the edge before but not like this. I became a cop for her. For the first time since she died there's something more important.

I'm lost. And all I know is that I want you.”

She turned to look at him and he kissed her.

“I almost closed the door on you.” he admitted. “Didn't want to be hurt again.” there was a hitch in his voice.

Kate smiled “I'd have broken down the door.”

He huffed a laugh and pulled her into his arms. His arms strong around her, “you almost died.”

“yeah.” Kate said, the knot in her throat again, not ready for questions, not ready for anything.

“you didn't. The rest can wait until morning.”

This is another version of me trying the story this is how I envision the story –

Beckett leads Castle to the bedroom. They kiss and undress, touching and exploring, but silently. As if talking will break the spell. Except for words of encouragement and pleasure.

Afterwards they lay together, next to each other on their sides facing each other, but not speaking or touching, it's afterglow but also aftermath. Now, without the adrenaline, vengeance, fury and determination, the “what now” panic started rising. There was an urge to grab her clothes and run. She wasn't going to leave, now that she was finally here, but it didn't (continued...)

( continues...) stop the urge. Everything had changed, everything was different she wasn't sure what to do now. Not just with Castle, but with the force and Espisoto and the conspiracy.

Castle reaches towards her, touches her face.

“You almost died.”

She nods, not trusting her voice.

“What happened?”

Kate can't face, she feels too raw and exposed, she rolls over on her back and stares at the ceiling, but she takes his hand, laces her fingers in his and hangs on.

{{Castle is trying to let her have her space, but he has to know, it's been in his head all night “Kate almost died. She almost died.”}}

So she tells him – about the finding the hotel. Going with Javi and Ryan objecting, wanting to bring in back up. “No way was I letting anyone else. There was a conspiracy.” she shakes her head, all in for honesty “I didn't want anyone else but family on this. I didn't want anyone else to take him down.” She tells him about finding the papers and the album. And the assassin coming from behind them -taking out Espisoto and leading her to the roof.

“We fought. No.” she corrects herself, “I fought. He just...toyed with me. He didn't break a sweat, he'd let me get going again. He choked me, then let me recover. I wanted...to prove...” Kate couldn't articulate the tangle of feelings -her rage and anger, her need to prove ….to her self, to them.. that she was better; to avenge her mother and her self, to prove those smug bastards they messed with the wrong person.

--she tells him and she's trying to tell him and she can't articulate or process all the conflicted feelings. She tells him about putting put on leave and resigning. She doesn't tell him about sitting in the rain. The biggest thing is that hanging from the roof and when she was falling Castle was her focus – her faith that he would be there—and afterwards (in the rain, so maybe she does tell him this) she admits that he was the only thing. She didn't think about her mother or who killed her, it was just Castle. That's what made her resign. What's making her start to question things, she's been driven by her mother's death, even when she wasn't obsessed it's why she became a cop, it's always there, in the back of her mind, the feel of the chain around her neck, her mother's ring on her chest. But today it wasn't' as important as Castle. She's not sure about anything – what she wants, where she's going from here, what to do know but the one thing she knows is she wants Castle. He's her solid ground.

“I'm lost” she tells him. She turns and looks at him. “I'm lost and all I want is you.”

He kisses her. {{Because he can, because she almost died}}

And then admits “I almost closed the door. I didn't want to be hurt again” {{She's all in with honesty and so is he}}

Kate smiles him “I'd have kicked it down.”

There's the unspoken “now what” hanging between them, and either he says “you almost died” and she says “yeah” with a knot in her throat, and then he pulls her into him and says “but you didn't. We'll deal with the rest in the morning” or it skips that part and he just pulls her into his arms and says “we will deal with the rest tomorrow”

So I completed a due South story and posted it -http://archiveofourown.org/works/591390

Askye, I really like your Castle fic but I am not firing on all cylanders, so I can't figure out if you had a goof with copying and pasting or if some stuff is repeated from differnt points of view.

It repeats sorry about that. I posted this when I wasn't firing on all cylindars either and just left it. I had two versions.

I've reworked it into this:

They had barely spoken since Kate's declaration. She had had led Castle silently to the bedroom as they kissed and undressed.They'd made love with a quiet intensity broken only by a few words of encouragement or direction. Afterwards they lay together, next to each other on their sides facing each other, but not speaking or touching, it's afterglow but also aftermath. Kate felt a stirring panic of “what now?” in the absence of the adrenaline, vengeance, fury of the day. She felt an urge to grab her clothes and run, but she wasn’t going to leave, now that she was finally here.

She'd avoided Castle becase she couldn't handle the emotions and tonight she had gone to him, partly so because she couldn't handle the emotions of the day. But also she didn't want to lose him. She'd wanted him more than her badge, more than the assassin, more than anything. Now she felt unmoored and unsure.

She wasn't sure what to do now. Not just with Castle, but with the force, and Esposito, and the conspiracy.

They lay together the rain still beating outside. Castle broke the silence and rolled on to his side, propped his head on his hand and said “tell me what happened.”

Kate closed her eyes. She felt so exposed and raw, trying to drive away the creeping worries about what happened between the two of them now. She didn't feel ready to deal with this, but she owed him.

She looked at the ceiling, unable to look at him, and took his hand, lacing her fingers in his,she need the connection.

“We got a hit on a hotel, Javi and I went to stake it out. Ryan argued, he wanted us to call for backup but I couldn't...no I was damned if any other cop was going to be involved” She shakes her head, all in for honesty “I didn't want anyone else but family on this. I didn't want anyone else to take him down. We went to his hotel room and found the files, and an album. The assassin surprised us, knocked out Javi and ran up the service stairs. I got a few shots off and followed him to the roof.”

“We fought. No.” she corrects herself, “I fought. He just...toyed with me. He didn't break a sweat, he'd let me get going again. He choked me, then let me recover. I wanted...to prove...” She's trying to tell him, but she can't articulate, or process, all the conflicted feelings. She tells him about being put on leave, and resigning. She doesn't tell him about sitting in the rain. The biggest thing is that, hanging from the roof and when she was falling, Castle was her focus – her faith that he would be there—and afterwards she admits that he was the only thing. She didn't think about her mother, or who killed her, it was just Castle. That's what made her resign, what's making her start to question things. She's been driven by her mother's death; even when she wasn't obsessed, it's why she became a cop. It's always there in the back of her mind, the feel of the chain around her neck, her mother's ring on her chest. But today it wasn't' as important as Castle. She's not sure about anything–what she wants, where she's going from here, what to know--but the one thing she does know is, she wants Castle. He's her solid ground.

“I charged him, I was going to take him over the edge and if I went, then he went with me. I didn't care.”

“I'm lost” she tells him. She turns and looks at him. “I'm lost and all I want is you.”

She turned to look at him and he kissed her.

“I almost closed the door on you,” he admitted. “Didn't want to be hurt again.” There was a hitch in his voice.

Kate smiled “I'd have broken down the door.”

He huffed a laugh and pulled her into his arms, his arms strong around her. “You almost died.”

“Yeah.” Kate said, the knot in her throat again, not ready for questions, not ready for anything.

And then he pulls her into him and says, “But you didn't. We'll deal with the rest in the morning.”

That has a good flow to it. Nice little tag.

I like it.

In Which I answer the question "What would Tony DiNozzo and Patrick Jane talk about if they met in a bar?"

"Spanish Peanuts and Beer" FFN [link] AO3 [link]