It repeats sorry about that. I posted this when I wasn't firing on all cylindars either and just left it. I had two versions.

I've reworked it into this:

They had barely spoken since Kate's declaration. She had had led Castle silently to the bedroom as they kissed and undressed.They'd made love with a quiet intensity broken only by a few words of encouragement or direction. Afterwards they lay together, next to each other on their sides facing each other, but not speaking or touching, it's afterglow but also aftermath. Kate felt a stirring panic of “what now?” in the absence of the adrenaline, vengeance, fury of the day. She felt an urge to grab her clothes and run, but she wasn’t going to leave, now that she was finally here.

She'd avoided Castle becase she couldn't handle the emotions and tonight she had gone to him, partly so because she couldn't handle the emotions of the day. But also she didn't want to lose him. She'd wanted him more than her badge, more than the assassin, more than anything. Now she felt unmoored and unsure.

She wasn't sure what to do now. Not just with Castle, but with the force, and Esposito, and the conspiracy.

They lay together the rain still beating outside. Castle broke the silence and rolled on to his side, propped his head on his hand and said “tell me what happened.”

Kate closed her eyes. She felt so exposed and raw, trying to drive away the creeping worries about what happened between the two of them now. She didn't feel ready to deal with this, but she owed him.

She looked at the ceiling, unable to look at him, and took his hand, lacing her fingers in his,she need the connection.

“We got a hit on a hotel, Javi and I went to stake it out. Ryan argued, he wanted us to call for backup but I couldn't...no I was damned if any other cop was going to be involved” She shakes her head, all in for honesty “I didn't want anyone else but family on this. I didn't want anyone else to take him down. We went to his hotel room and found the files, and an album. The assassin surprised us, knocked out Javi and ran up the service stairs. I got a few shots off and followed him to the roof.”

“We fought. No.” she corrects herself, “I fought. He just...toyed with me. He didn't break a sweat, he'd let me get going again. He choked me, then let me recover. I wanted...to prove...” She's trying to tell him, but she can't articulate, or process, all the conflicted feelings. She tells him about being put on leave, and resigning. She doesn't tell him about sitting in the rain. The biggest thing is that, hanging from the roof and when she was falling, Castle was her focus – her faith that he would be there—and afterwards she admits that he was the only thing. She didn't think about her mother, or who killed her, it was just Castle. That's what made her resign, what's making her start to question things. She's been driven by her mother's death; even when she wasn't obsessed, it's why she became a cop. It's always there in the back of her mind, the feel of the chain around her neck, her mother's ring on her chest. But today it wasn't' as important as Castle. She's not sure about anything–what she wants, where she's going from here, what to know--but the one thing she does know is, she wants Castle. He's her solid ground.

“I charged him, I was going to take him over the edge and if I went, then he went with me. I didn't care.”

“I'm lost” she tells him. She turns and looks at him. “I'm lost and all I want is you.”

She turned to look at him and he kissed her.

“I almost closed the door on you,” he admitted. “Didn't want to be hurt again.” There was a hitch in his voice.

Kate smiled “I'd have broken down the door.”

He huffed a laugh and pulled her into his arms, his arms strong around her. “You almost died.”

“Yeah.” Kate said, the knot in her throat again, not ready for questions, not ready for anything.

And then he pulls her into him and says, “But you didn't. We'll deal with the rest in the morning.”

That has a good flow to it. Nice little tag.

I like it.

In Which I answer the question "What would Tony DiNozzo and Patrick Jane talk about if they met in a bar?"

"Spanish Peanuts and Beer" FFN [link] AO3 [link]

At long last more of my Harlan/Sunnydale fic. [link]

The Trio is back.http://archiveofourown.org/works/367510/chapters/1308741

Dawn ends up in trouble. [link]

It must be Tuesday.

I reckon.