( continues...) You are cutting edge! You are state-of-the-art!”
“...”
“...”
So what about you, then? Gryffindor?”
“Ha ha! Did I just hear you embracing the geeky side of The Force there, Eliot?”
“No! Jesus! Just passing time. Not like I know what the hell you're talking about, so I don't know why I'm bothering to indulge you like this.”
“Ravenclaw, since you ask. Like my girl Luna. 'Cause I am the brains of this outfit.”
“Don't let Nate hear you say that.”
“Nate Schmate. You guys would all be screwed without my technical wizardry, and you know it.”
“Don't flatter yourself. You nearly done?”
“Patience, grasshopper.”
“...”
“You didn't ask about Parker.”
“That's because I don't give a rat's ass which Hogwarts House you think any of would be sorted into! Jeez!”
“...which Hogwarts...now just one minute. I do not believe I mentioned anything about Hogwarts, or said the word 'House', or mentioned the Sorting Hat. No, I'm pretty sure I didn't. There something you want to share with the class, Eliot?”
“...fuck.”
“Oh, you are so busted, Mr High-and-Mighty-Too-Busy-Saving-Third-World-Countries-To-Read-A-Kids'-Book!”
“Shut up.”
“No, no, this is great – I've got to tell Sophie, she'll laugh her ass off. She'll think it's adorable. You're adorable, Eliot.”
“I can break you into many, many small pieces, Hardison. Many. And I don't need no magic wand to do it.”
“Adorable!”
“Can you just maybe please concentrate on fixing my goddamn headset?”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...oh, fine. Fine. I give in. Which House would Parker be sorted into?”
“...”
“Do not look at me like that, Hardison!”
”Adorable.”
“Hardison!”
“Okay, well – it's a good question. At first I thought Slytherin, because she's real focussed, is Parker, real goal-orientated. But she's not so much of a long-term-strategy kinda girl. And also, she's kind of a big old marshmallow deep down – I just don't think she's ruthless enough for Slytherin.”
“She killed her own parents!”
“...well, yeah, okay, there is that. Yeah. But I was thinking maybe Ravenclaw, like my girl Luna and me. I mean, you should have seen her at that orphanage, man! We had a moment. It was real touching. I was touched. I mean not touched touched – nothing sleazy or nothing, don't get me wrong. Just – sweet, you know? She can be very sweet.”
“Sweet? Parker? Hell, I bet even Voldemort had his lighter moments. Probably helped little old ladies across the road in his spare time, or something. But still: parents? Dead.”
“You make a compelling point.”
“Slytherin. Definitely Slytherin.”
“Hmm.”
“You nearly done?”
“What? Oh – nah, there's still the whozit and the thingamujig to reconfigure.”
“...you fixed it already, didn't you?”
“Um. Well. Kinda, yeah.”
“When?”
“'Bout thirty seconds after you handed it to me.”
“What the...why do you always do this? It pisses me off, man!”
“Bullshit. You were enjoying yourself, and you know you were. You were embracing your Inner Geek. Don't be ashamed! Let your freak flag fly!”
“You are...you...my God, you're annoying!”
“And you're adorable.”
“Don't use that word.”
“Or what?”
“...”
“Is that your scary face? Is that your I'm-gonna-whoop-your-ass-Hardison face? 'Cause I've got to tell you – it's adorable.”
“Hardison.”
“Oh, what you gonna do to me? You gonna kick my ass? Man, you can't even reach my ass from down there! You gonna....mmmph!”
“...”
“...”
“I'm gonna do that.”
“...”
“Was that adorable enough for you, Hardison? Was it?”
“...You...I...well for the love of...mmmph!”
“...”
“...”
“And you're wrong, by the way. I'd be in Slytherin. I'm an excellent strategist.”
“I don't know, dude. I think you might have got Godrick Gryffindor's sword in your pocket. You think we should check, just to be sure?”
“I think that's the best idea you've had all day.”
“What did I tell you? I'm the (continued...)