"She wants a baby, E."

"You didn't do anything stupid, did you?"

"Define stupid. "

"Like propose after three weeks when you're leaving town. Stupid. Walk To Remember pathetic."

"You didn't say anything at the time," the actor pointed out.

"Would it have mattered?"

Vince made a so-so wobblehand. "Maybe. But now we'll never know, will we?"

"Rock...hard place, Eric. There is no way you're blaming that bullshit on me, Vince. Not after I dragged your lovelorn-but-funky ass into the shower after a week, and turned off Barry Manilow."

"Barry Manilow?" Vince really did look genuinely confused. Maybe E. hadn't noticed how much of a fog that pop princess had put his best bud into. "I don't remember that."

"Mandy, duh. Although here's the sick thing about that...that song isn't about a girl at all, but about Mr.I-Write-the-Songs' prize Pekingese or some shit like that. So you wasted a week listening to some dumb song about a fuzzy-headed, barking, bitch."

"But at least you're over it,"Vince replied."And not using that to judge my current situation at all."

"Absolutely."

"It's just that, E. I really like her, you know? But I never even hear the *word* baby unless it's got "please," or 'Vince, don't be a such a," attached to it. I've really never thought of this before. I mean, little humans, dependent on us, it's awfully heavy, you know?"

"I'm familiar with the concept, Vince. My sister's got two. One of which you somehow taught to curse in Italian...eventually I'll stop hearing about that, I'm sure."

"I'm sorry, man. I stubbed my toe so hard I forgot she was watching, but you see why I'm so fucking lost here, right?"

"Katie's like every other girl in the world.She'd follow you anywhere. Now, has Lisa asked you to...help with the baby thing?"

"Help?"

"Well, I didn't want to come out and say 'Vince, has Dr. Lisa asked you to knock her up?' it seemed kind of crude."

"Well, that's what's great about Lisa, E. She doesn't ask me for anything except..."

"Never mind,"

"I was just going to say my time and attention."

"Really?"

"Scout's honor, E."

"Okay, forgetting the fact that we were in scouts for all of three minutes, I think you really do like this one, Vince. Absence of details means either the sex sucks, which thin walls tell us is not likely, or that you, Vince Chase, for maybe the third and one half time in your life, are in a relationship like us lesser mortals."

"Which means?"

"It's the one place in your life I can't manage, Vince."

"So, I'm going to be on The View..." Lisa told him. "I'm going to be a Hot Topic...I don't know. Do I seem like a Hot Topic?"

"That's great...warm them up for me." Vince replied. "And to me, you are always a hot topic."

Turtle made a gag-face."Hey, it works."

"He does spend a lot less time whacking off than you do," E. explained.

"Sure, he does. Look at him."

"Um, sorry, Lisa. You know what mornings are like around here."

"Tell the guys hello for me." Vince moved the phone."Lisa says hey."

"HEY!"

"Are you nervous?"

"No, not very...it'll give me a chance to talk about Ari's benefit."

"Well, if you get nervous, you could always imagine the ladies in their underwear."

"Vince, Barbara Walters is on that show."

"Good point. Knock 'em dead, though. I know you can."

"Really? Because I feel ridiculous."

"What did I tell you about putting out that kind of negativity? You have to visualize what you want, not what you don't want."

"I'll try, babe. Bye."

"Bye,"
"May I assist?" Drama asked. "I've had some experience with that kind of anxiety myself."

"Aw, whatever, Drama. A nervous woman doesn't want to hear your Buddhist bullshit," Turtle replied. I've got the real cure."

"No," Eric said. "She can't have any brownies, and it would be bad for everyone for a respected physician to be caught flicking the bean on national television."

"Not while the cameras are rolling. Just, like, in the green room or something. And if Hasselbeck catches her, that'd be..."

"Stop slashing Vince's girl, Turtle."

"I'm not trashing her. I like Lisa...I just think angry girl-sex is supremely hot."

"Not trashing, slashing. I guess on the internet, there's all kind of people who like to picture same-sex sex.Not gay, exactly. Just, like, kinky."

Vince laughed. "Really? And how would you know that?"

"How funny do you think it is if you know they do it about you?"

"Ok, that's a little less funny...how's my taste in boys?"

"Well, there's one about you and Benicio, since he got that Escobar script."

"Del Toro?"

"You know another Benicio?"

"Well, that puts another spin on taking defeat like a man, huh?"

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it, you know?"

"Now, come on, E...I've known you for a long time. I know there's more to this story. Spill."

"It's not something I'd talk about in front of everyone Vince."

"Please,"
"Well, remember how...altered you got the night that Head-on came out? And how Jessica went home early, and I helped you get home."

"He was fucking wasted," Turtle remembered, with some pride.

"Yeah...and? We've always had each other's back like that..."

"Well, there's a certain class of Chase fangirl that sees a picture like that and thinks it's..." Eric cleared his throat painfully. "sexy."

"No way...we should put out a press statement right away, and make sure everyone knows that won't happen." Vince said, with a twinkle in his eye.

"Now, I don't know if we have to do that...we shouldn't try to legislate people's fantasies."

"Very open-minded of you, E. I applaud that. But we should put out the statement anyway...I like to slow-dance and we'd look really stupid."

"You are such an asshole..."E. said. "And after I got Walsh to vague up that blow-job sequence...and you start up with the short jokes."

"Maybe that's why this love doesn't speak its name, huh?"

"Maybe cause its name is Poser Indie McDouchebag. Although I shouldn't say that, Billy's off his Ritalin today and he'll think we're calling him."

"Don't be threatened by Billy, E."

"I'm not threatened. I just think he sucks. Different vibe."

Lisa's appearance on The View went well, at least while she was talking about the clinic and the Gold benefit(although there were a few tense moments over reproductive choice)but the embarrassment was yet to come."Okay, so we know you're all socially conscious and all that, but the real question on everyone's mind is"What's it like to play doctor with Vince Chase?"

The audience cheered and catcalled, whistled and hooted.Maybe less than they would for Denzel Washington or someone, but Denzel had a lot more years to build up unrequited passions.

"I know I'd have a lot more physicals if he was around," Whoopi said."As the song says, he's pretty fly for a white guy."

"You would know," Sherri Shepherd said.

"Why do you always have to take it there?"

"Wait, what?"Cuddy said. "I examined him. And I would never try to get a date during that...it's not appropriate." "So, how did that happen?" Barbara asked.

"Well, I asked him to let me know if the condition improved, and he said it had and asked me out.He sent me flowers...it was nice."

"Oh, blah, blah, blah...how's the sex? Does he wear the suit?"

"Suit? What suit?"

"The Inquisitor says he's obsessed with Aguaman and bought a suit to prepare for the role and impress James Cameron.”,

“As far as I know, that’s not the case.”

“But things have a way of going on without your knowledge, don’t they? Your best doctor has a significant drug problem...I printed out complaints from the internet.”,br>

“Dr. House has a...pain-management problem, and occasionally? pushes the frontiers of established medicine.Most of those cases made the news because Dr. House pulled them through when he was not expected to do so, Ms. Hasselbeck.”

“I guess she told you.”

“Did not...what was it like to sleep with super-agent Ari Gold?What? He’s kinda sexy, right?” A picture of Ari from some business magazine went up on the monitors.

"You might say I'm not close enough to the entertainment business to get screwed by Ari Gold, ladies...the kinkiest thing I know about him is that when he was fifteen he called "Purple Rain" the future of American moviemaking."

A little angst as we get close to wrapping up...

"Lisa, what are you doing to me, telling that Prince story? I've had three rival agents taunting me with "When Doves Cry," just today."

"If memory serves, it could be a lot worse...Darling Ari, maybe? Or Sexy Motherfucker?"

"What? I didn't catch that last bit."

"How old are you again?"

"Okay, fine, I just wanted to see if you'd say 'Sexy Motherfucker' again. Don't ever get married, Lisa. Cause as much as I adore my wife, it takes something out of my life that the only person who comes close to talking dirty to me when I'm out of town is Eric Murphy."

"At the rate things are going, it's not looking likely, Ari."

"Is that a problem for you?"

"Maybe after we get through the benefit tonight we can get drunk and talk about that...I think it's a bad idea now...You are coming, right?"

"Oh, absolutely. In between all the Broadway revivals the Mrs. planned for us...I'm actually looking forward to your talk about ladyparts more, if you can believe that."

"Culture is not a bad thing...I think it's nice and I wish I had more time for it. A doctor here and I went to some plays and exhibits for a while, but..."

"That's because he was trying on the idea of asking you to fuck him.That is the only reason most guys go to these things. Unless we're talking about actors, in which case, whole new class of mishegoss"

"Dr. House said the same thing."

"I knew that guy was a genius. Standoffish, though." "It's not personal," Lisa moved the phone to her other hand."In fact, I think he liked you...or at least respected you. he's usually much worse."

"Or maybe you're just blinded by hormones from seeing our boy Vinnie naked."

"Ari, I told you before I'm not discussing that with you...probably ever.It was bad enough having to pretend to talk about it with Barbara Walters and Joy Whatsits."

"Don't worry about it," the agent advised. "The dirty details would have gotten stuck inside the Vaseline on the camera lens."

"You're terrible,"

"But you love it, right, baby?"

"You know what, I do. Or at least, you wear it well, Ari."

She doesn't tell the agent how much she thinks of Vincent, though it's only been two days since they made love, and a day and a half since he waited in her foyer because "we need to talk,"(he wouldn't come any closer, in case chemistry distract him from his mission.)Looking back on it now, which is all she's been doing, besides a brief interlude where she pretended to work, she supposed it was relief that made her giddy enough to laugh when he said "Lisa, I'm sorry I can't get you pregnant. But my career's just beginning to take off and Ari's not taken commision yet..." and he looked very young indeed.

She'd been prepared for another conversation entirely...a prop girl with an amazing ass, or a tempting co-star(although there weren't many speaking roles for women in QB, and for once she didn't feel much urge to get on a feminist soapbox about that) and suddenly she had an image of a dark-haired child with the world's bluest eyes being nannied by Drama and Turtle. Although she might learn to read a monologue with her picture books, she might also be the preschooler who rolled the tightest joints, and the image made Cuddy laugh till her shoulders shook. Until the paroxsym passed, she hadn't realized she was alone in it, and Vince just watched her with a hurt expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, darling, I thought you were joking...I know you're not ready."

"It's not *that* funny, you know."

"I know, baby, I know," she said, reminding herself of Gold at his weakest.

"I've got to get back to my hotel."

To Eric, he meant. To whatever alliances against the forces of darkness some boys with nothing made up in a shithole in Queens. She's torn between kicking herself for adding to the total and thinking he's lucky for having somewhere to turn. If it were any other guy, she might be vulnerable enough to (continued...)

( continues...) make Ari's night, but she knew twenty years of friendship would count for nothing next to Gold's discovery.

Should I have used present or past here? Cause, like a schmuck, I used both. And I'm both glad and sad to say that one or two more posts after this, and I should be done.

Somehow, Lisa gets through half of the evening that looked much better when she had pinned a notice of it on the fridge while Vince watched and admired.She eats strange fundraiser chicken, wears her newest, discreetly sexy black dress, and makes introduction and stays around for the polite titter that passes for laughter in an institutional environment.She thinks she does a great job, too, of only occasionally darting her eyes toward her medical-school-graduation gold watch. But another Gold, looking even more pumped with ego than usual, notices instantly, in the time it takes him to clap her on her artfully-bared shoulder and say "Great party, huh? I closed two deals just in the parking lot...my New York connections come through again. There might be something in this philanthropy shit."

She mumbles something, once again grateful that she is nobody's wife and, therefore, not obligated to do this all the time.

"You're killing me with this," Gold says, after a moment. "But if he told you he'll be here, he probably will be.Vinnie's reliable, in his casual-Friday way.And, as if he's reached his quota on selfless gestures, he adds in his usual manner,"That boy better not fuck you on this...you should excuse the expression. Because if he fucks you over, he fucks me too, and my ass still hurts from all the drama over "Matterhorn". I mean, seriously, of course it's dreck. First clue, Mr. Chase...it comes out in July.To compete with sunburn and Uncle Sam.Nobody's going to mix it up with Long Day's Journey into Light."

"Night,Ari," Lisa corrected.

" Now, what did I just tell you?" the agent said. "Please don't rush off."

"No, that's the play...Long Day's Journey into Night."

"Really?"

"Yes, for a pretty long time now."

"I bet I'd know it if it made money."

"That I couldn't tell you."

"I can, that's what kills me about Matterhorn I may not get the artistic drive, but I do know it's pretty fucking stupid to get offered kiss my ass money on a silver platter and then complain that it's the wrong shade of green."
"I don't think money's what motivates Vince," Lisa said. "Although I'm not really sure what does, beyond three guys from Queens and "I Wanna Be Sedated".
"Fuckin' Chase, man."Ari took a swig of his drink.

Lisa got one herself, clinked glasses with Gold, and said "To Vincent Fucking Chase."

"Why should I give a shit what he wants? He should want what my bottom line tells him to want, and it tells me he wants little teenybopper girls(including my own daughter, i'm almost sorry to say), sweating their way into puberty while watching him tame fucking Hoth, or whatever-the-fuck.It wants underpaid scribes in some sweatshop turning out sequels and crappy tie-in novels in the time it takes 'em to say 'Mom and Dad, I wasted the money you spent on college'. that's what it wants."

"But that's all you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but that's the thing, I can make him think it's him, if fucking Murphy would step away for two minutes."

"He's not going to do that, Ari. You'd have to shoot him first."

"Would you be my alibi? Or tell me you're one of the sexy Jewish girls that knows how to shoot things."

"Keep going like that," Lisa warned him playfully, her eyebrow raised. "And you better hope I'm not."

"Is there nothing that guy can do that will not make some woman rush to defend him? I'm just asking."

"What guy?" Vince said, looking as if he'd just materialized.

Lisa said "Eric," and Ari said "Colin Farrell," and Vince smirked.
"You'd think neither of those Irishmen would get my ears burning like they were just now. Huh...maybe Drama is right and I do think it's all about me, sometimes."

"Publicity will do that, Vinnie. Especially when you're hot." Looking (continued...)

( continues...) relieved, the agent slipped away.

"Speaking of hot...that dress."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry I wasn't in the room this morning," he told her. "E. told me you stopped by."

"He wasn't supposed to." Lisa said, sitting in Ari's vacated chair. "I'm kind of embarrassed."

And, before she got the chance to forgive and forget, she remembered how awful she felt that morning, trying to search Eric's face to see if "He's not here," was the truth, and feeling old and desperate.

"Billy had us all up and out at sunrise," Vince explained. "said it was the only time the light was right. Billy is an artist, and..."

"Sounds hypomanic as hell right now." Lisa said. "Step carefully and expect a big crash. Not that I'm a psychiatrist.."

"Well, I'm only going to be in Queens for about another week...do you think he'll hold off?"

Lisa now understood why her friends and classmates, most of whom had not shared her passion for science or her orderly ways, had hated the first day of school so much. Because, plain as day, the voice in her head said "No! Don't wanna!"

OMG.

Their hypothetical kid! And his/her hypothetical upbringing!

dies

...you're not going to break my heart with this story, are you?

Are you?

worries

No...but the fact that you think I might gives me an evil thrill up my leg. And I'm glad you liked the baby thing, because between you, me, and the lampost, there is a fucking horrifying Buffy/ Entourage story(Ari was right. A good premise can sell crap.) floating around somewhere where Cordy and Vince get knocked up, and have this tooth-grittingly "adorable" spawn named Juliet Chase-Chase and it's all like "Three Men and A Little Lady" in Casa Vince, and well, it just annoyed me muchly. And it's not an annoyance that my mom would understand, or Keith Olbermann, or really anyone else but another fic geek. I have not been so annoyed by a kid since Renesmee showed up. Because I love all those guys...you know how much(including Vince, who sometimes gets accused of "not having a personality" which, if I may get Queens from Arizona for a moment, bullshit.He's not really a normal person, though...it helps to picture humanity on an appearance bell-curve, with, say, The Elephant Man at one end and people like Vince Chase and Elizabeth Taylor on the other end, but I digress...where was I going with this again) Anyway, I even love Turtle, right? Really enjoyed him with the cute black chick from the body shop. But given that Dr. Cuddy is in a place to want to be pregnant soonish, would someone in her position want a child to be influenced by Turtle? I think that would be a "No,", even if she does find him amusing sometimes.Turtle's a hoot, but he's the worst influence in the fucking world.(And that's where he should be right now, but I am glad to see some signs that there are other parts to his personality. And I think Vince's ADD t-shirt is a little bit more than a pussy joke...I think he probably has it. (A lot of charming, charismatic, thrill-loving folks do. I don't...I have had E's job for one in terms of being The Human Reminder.) Which would make school suck enough that E. and Vince would get that tight and protective. But he's, you know, foamy, so he got to escape being a SPED, as it were. But unless he's really stoked by something, he doesn't expend effort on it.(And I bet Ellin doesn't think about this that much, speaking of SPEDs.blush)

Ok, so I thought I was going to wrap this up today, but I didn't like my original thought, so I did what a real Entourage writer would do, and stuck in a sexy part.I should probably point out that this bit owes as much to Jennifer Crusie as Ellin et al, as well.(Although there was a similar Entourage moment, it was Vince chatting up the girl in the bookstore that actually sold me on him, and the show. But I'm rambling like one of those "If you feedback, I'll write more!1" girls, so:

Cuddy took off her new shoe under the table and rubbed the pinched place between her toes discreetly.She put her shoe back on. "Vince, why won't you make Matterhorn? I'd think it was pretty sweet if somebody paid me to go to Austria."

"You guys are so busted! Colin Farrell. Although I have to admit I've noticed a certain resemblance."

"Except that you've bathed in this decade, I could see that."

"Ari is rubbing off on you."

"I'm sorry..."

"No, I like it. It's sexy. Unless you talk about me like that."

"Never...you were my patient. This is all privileged."

"Really?"

"No. But as far as I'm concerned it is. And I was serious. I'm as much of a sucker for the brogue as most Americans, but I just want to attack him with a big scrubbing brush."

He stepped closer, whispered in her ear, "What would you like to attack me with?"

"Oh, no, not in front of everyone..."

"You'd love that. Most "good girls" do. But, fine, if you insist, I'm not making Matterhorn because I'm not interested in a bad script, good CGI, and all the schnitzel I can eat. And it's not about the money."

"Money does help, though."

He tilted his head and looked at her skeptically. "Is that why you spend all your time at Diagnostics? Because I bet there's more money in these rubber chicken schmoozefests than that...admit it, you do it for the rush, right? Holding someone's fucking life in your hands gets your panties wet. I'm not doing Matterhorn because I can't get it up for it and that's all.It helps that E. thinks the script sucks because Shauna would shoot me if I talked about a script that way."

"Maybe I just like saying no."

Vince's "yeah, right," expression was getting more use tonight than in the previous two months. "We both know that's not true."

"What made you decide to show up tonight?"

"You know, some day I could get into the monogamy thing...this might not be the day, but I don't have to wreck the current moment by being'an over-sensitive tool'.Or at least that's what E. said."

"If E. said you should jump off a bridge, would you do it?"

"If I did, would you get Dr. House to put me back together again? You know, this is why that pap thought you were my mom..."

"Fine. Change of subject. How do you know good girls like to get caught?"

"When it comes to shit like that, it's like *I'm* board-certified, Lisa."

She laughed nervously. "Well, I had to ask."

"What, you're not going to make me prove it? That doesn't seem very scientific of you."

"Where do you get this stuff, Vincent?"

"Drama reads Scientific American,"

"Of course he does...okay, just let me say goodnight to the board of directors and we'll do some...research.And, if nothing else, I can ditch these shoes."

"If you keep me waiting too long, I can't promise I won't pitch a bitch and storm off again."

'Screw you, Vince." But she smiled with her whole face for the first time that night.

"If only..." He went off in search of a drink.Lisa chatted with a colleague and tried not to be obvious about watching him walk away, but she was gratified to note that he had taken some trouble with his appearance tonight.

"Dr. Cuddy," the board chairman greeted her. "Lovely evening you put together here...I hope you'll continue to associate with our little clinic after this."

"I'll do what I can, sir."

"So, what's next for you? Although I imagine your regular responsibilities keep you (continued...)