Hee! The last scion of the House of Black may be a Squib (or possibly a Muggle?), but he's quite as shouty and toppy as Old Mrs Black ever was. I think it's a match made in heaven.

Hee.

That was most excellent.

Really wonderful.

What's builder's tea?

Hurrah! Thank you!

("Builders' Tea" is made from a 'normal' teabag [PG Tips, perhaps?] in boiling water, added to cold milk. It's your standard British beverage. Poncy middle class types such as myself might be swayed into buying fancy peppermint tea, to be drunk sans milk, or Earl Grey, to be taken with lemon, but The Great British Cuppa is normal tea with milk. And possibly sugar, depending.)

Builders' Tea" is made from a 'normal' teabag [PG Tips, perhaps?] in boiling water, added to cold milk.

So you add the tea to the milk, not milk to the tea?

So I started writing House/Sports Night post-show today. "Casey McCall found what he thought was anthrax in his place last night." Cuddy, looking more tense than usual, flipped the file on House's desk.

"And you've stopped wearing your wonderbra."

Cuddy sighed. House looked mock-innocent. "Oh, so today is not random facts day. Bummer."

"Who?" Thirteen asked, her green eyes wide as she studied the report from some hospital in Manhattan.

Foreman and Taub shot her "You can't be serious," looks in stereo.

"Guy's a sports reporting icon," Foreman said. "Might have won an Emmy if he hadn't been stuck on some third-rate network for so much of his career. Bob Costas should thank God every day that he moved into the political arena."

"And not only that," Taub said, shifting into his instructive tone as if trying to sell the already comely(if ultimately doomed) resident on a restorative nose job."To whatever extent democracy still exists in America, his commentaries deserve the credit."

"Okay," House said. "Could somebody give me a reason to take this case besides the fact that you all write his initials in your notebooks?"

"The network asked us to." Cuddy said. "Networks mean publicity, publicity means donors...unless you give him a dose of your usual charm. Besides, it'll be easy. he doesn't really have anthrax."

House took the file. "Ok, so in addition to Shroedinger's anthrax, he also has a twenty-three year old girlfriend. It must be true what they say on the internet...we smart guys are yummy."

"How is that relevant?" "Maybe it's not. But maybe I'm in love with this guy too."

So you add the tea to the milk, not milk to the tea?

I've heard that adding milk to hot tea scalds the milk but adding hot tea to cold milk warms the milk up gradually.

Oh, Erika. Now I want to watch Sports Night. And that's like trying to find a unicorn.

sighs.

So you add the tea to the milk, not milk to the tea?

How To Make Tea In The Universe According To Fay:

1) Put teabags into teapot. (one bag per drinker, plus one for pot.)

2) Add boiling water.

3) Leave to mash. (Or steep, or verb of your choice that means 'turn into drinkable beverage'.)

4) Pour cold milk into cup. I'd say about 1/5 - 1/4 of a cup of milk.

5) Pour hot mashed tea on top of milk.

Ta-dah! Tea!

Except that in this day and age, one is often satisfied with:

1) Pour boiling water into mug.

2) Add teabag.

3) Add milk.

Or indeed:

1) Ask Starbucks barrista for Iced Latte with A Shot Of Sugarfree Vanilla.

2) Abandon all thoughts of tea.

Oh, dag, Fay. I'm sorry. But not all the way, because that means my little tale might not suck.

OK, based on a discussion in movies, here is my outline of the script and casting for Captain Blood in an alternate 1935:

In 17th century England Peter Blood (Robert Donat), a respected Irish doctor stays out of the Monmouth rebellion, but assisted by his lovely daughter Phiala Blood (Erin Flynn) who has learned the medical arts (among other things) from him treats wounded men from the battle of Sedgemoor. Both father and daughter are convicted of treason by Judge Jeffrey at the bloody assizes. The father sickens and dies in prison, Phiala is sold into slavery in Port Royal.

Phiala becomes the property of the villainous Colonel Bishop. He attempts to assault her, Phiala, but she is saved by the entrance of of his daughter Arabella ( Olivia de Havilland) who the Colonel does not wish to reveal his wicked ways to. Arabella however knows full well how evil the her father his. She witnessed his murder of her mother when Arabella was a child.

Arabella questions Phiala, learns of her medical skills. Since Port Royal is short of doctors, she proposes that he rent Phiala out as a healer. Bishop decides to take the chance at a profit, and decides to delay attacking Phiala so she is not driven to spread lurid stories about him. Arabella and Phiala become extremely close friends.

Bishop however treats Phiala cruelly even though he refrains from insulting her, and anyway she resents the loss of her freedom, so she plots with other slaves to escape. Just when it seems that escape will be thwarted, Spanish Pirates attack the island, and Phiala and her fellow slaves steal the Pirate's ship and loot. During the battle to grab the ship, Phiala reveals another skill her father taught her - sword fighting. She proves the best fighter on the ship and the rest of the crew insist she be made captain - much to disgust the second best fighter Levasseur (Basil Rathbone ). Nonetheless Levasseur accepts the situation - even when Phiala insists that they become honorable pirates, attacking only the Spanish - the enemies of England.

After a number of adventures very similar to those in our own universe's film, Captain blood rescues three dignitaries - Arabella, a representative of the King, and Colonel Bishop who had all been taken hostage by Spanish Pirates. The kings representative wants to reward the pirates for their gallant rescue, but he can't see turning loose a dangerous wild woman like Phiala Blood with no strings attached. Colonel Bishop suggest offering Blood a pardon with the condition that she marry him. "Taming her would be a great pleasure" Bishop says. The offer of pardon is made, and Bishop makes a great show of gallantry in his proposal to her.

Of course Blood has no intent of accepting the offer, but she pretends to consider it. As the ship approaches Port Royal, it becomes apparent that it is under attack by the French.

The envoy begs here to join the defense of the English colony. Much to Levasseur's relief, she replies she could never fight under the flag of King James II.

However the envoy reveals that James was deposed in the "Glorious Revolution" and that he represents William of Orange. At this good news, Blood agrees to help, provided the pardon is unconditional. She will answer Bishop's marriage proposal later.

This is too much for Levasseur, who wants to support the French and win a pardon that would let him return home. He pulls out a single shot pistol to fire at Blood, but his observed by Arabella to leaps at him. The shot goes wild and hits Bishop. He is left alive but injured, watched over by Arabella. Blood easily overcomes Levasseur, joins with the defenders of Port Royal and helps defeat the French.

Then, as the best healer in Port Royal, she returns to examine Bishop. He was left paralyzed by the shot. Further, somehow while under Arabella's care he suffered a mysterious injury to his tongue which left him unable to speak. Arabella admits to having briefly fallen asleep,and it is assumed that one of Bishop's many enemies took advantage of his helplessness to avenge an old (continued...)