Thank you...never thought being a bitter crip could be a creative asset, but I guess I've been waiting for that show my whole life.

Hee, erika, you've found your calling. I'ma keep you chained to your computer writing House fic for me for the rest of my life.

“Greg House...Jaye Tyler. I would stay around, but apparently I’m not the boss of him. And there’s a nodule somewhere with my name on it.”

God, that was awful. Why couldn’t he ever sound smart talking to somebody attractive?

He sometimes envied House his verbal facility if not the way he sharpened his tongue to a deadly weapon. Apologizing for his friend took up a surprisingly large portion of his non-cancer-related time.

“Hello, Ms. Tyler.” House said and opened the door again. “and Harvey.”

“Excuse me, did you just *make fun* of me? Because I’m fairly sure that’s not what my mother crammed me into the old station wagon for, you know...unless she thought it was therapeutic or would put hair on my chest or something...in which case all bets are off.”

“Mothers so suck.” House agreed. Wilson couldn’t tell if he was teasing or bonding.

Thankfully, he got a page before he had to wonder if squirming was appropriate. Almost. “Your ass,” Tyler told him, fiendish gleam in her eye.

“Excuse me?”

”It’s beeping.”

”Yes. Right.” It had been a long time since he had blushed this hard.

But he didn’t even get close to the door before Mrs. Tyler, wearing heels despite her destination burst in “Greg!” she sang out, and kissed the air around both of the diagnostician’s cheeks. House looked like a cat caught in a rainstorm.

“Karen...an unique pleasure, as always.” It must have been a tough job pretending to be suave to Karen, navigating his cane and flashing his best friend a “Mock me and you’re dead later,” glare but House managed. Maybe some special ability had kicked in when he was injured.

“It wouldn’t have to be if you attended one of my benefits.”

”Of course, Casino night. Well, this is New Jersey...maybe I would come if you found a real mobster. Maybe he could whack the cheapskates in the parking lot.” Or maybe not.

“Oh, Greg. So clever. I do hope I’m not interrupting.”

”That’s okay, Mom.” Jaye said. “Most of your friends know that by the end of the visit, I’m gonna end up with something in my mouth. We’re just starting early.”
“What...a tongue depressor...is all I meant.” “Of course, dear.”

Hehehe.

Something in my mouth...tongue depressor!

t twelve.

And that will never close!

dying of laughter

The House vs. Mrs. Taylor bit was pitch-perfect for both characters.

House looked like a cat caught in a rainstorm.

Wonderful

I picture her as being really in everyone's faces a lot...the sort of person you might dislike but feel bad for it, because what are you going to say? She was too enthusiastic? Took too much of an interest? And I'm not as hermity as House. And I know I've got a way with a dick joke.

I t heart erika. That is all.

Thank you...and you say that without looking at my funbags.(That was, incidentally, a new one on me and I thought I knew all the breast lexicon.)

“Sorry about that, Dr. House.” Jaye explained. “My mother can be a little Too Much. It’s just the little things. The stuff she does and the stuff she says.”

”Nothing’s wrong with your cognition, Ms. Tyler.” The doctor crossed to a little TV and turned it on.

”You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But you’re not the one being kept awake by singing stuffed anim...”

“Remind me to get some of what you’re on. It sounds nifty.
” “On? I’m not on anything...yes, there was a little herb at parties. Hey, I went to college. I’m not gonna lie. And I like a beer or five... But I’d never show up here all altered . I demand the respect accorded a woman in the throes of a neurological...thingie.”

”Ah, yes, Lancet ran a cover story on the rise of the neurological...thingie last week. One moment...” House took some blood, meanwhile not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Ow!” Jaye cried. “What was that for?” ”Tox screen,” House replied. “ But you passed my own personal test by not objecting. This is just to keep my boss off my ass.”

Jaye nodded.”Oh, look at what that nurse is wearing! Like she could do the Heimlich like that.”

House shushed her. “Don’t ruin this for me.I’m a spoiler virgin this week.”

I want to see this filmed. So badly.