To cheer up the mood, here's some axed FF related jokes I totally stole;
--
BOOK
I think we'll get her on the ground safely enough
MAL
God tell you that? 'Cause he's a terrible one for lies.
(to Kaylee)
My ship don't crash. If she crashes, you crashed her.
KAYLEE
Well, you could help me out, captain...
MAL
What. How.
KAYLEE
The cord wrench over there?
MAL
Yeah?
KAYLEE
Do this --
She mimes hitting herself in the head repeatedly --
KAYLEE
(continuing)
-- a few times? Maybe four?
MAL
(grins)
You're my peach, Kaylee. Don't make us die.
---
ZOE
(to Wash, over intercom) Can you hear us, Baby?
WASH
(on Serenity) You're in my head like a great idea.
--
MAL
(refering to Simon) Something about that boy just makes you wanna poke at him.
--
JAYNE
(leaning forward on mule) River's touching me. She keeps coming over to my side.
--
MAL
One of you has the code to that vault. You might make yourself known at this point.
No one moves.
MAL
(continuing) Okay, there’s a couple of things I’d like to make clear. First, we don’t want to hurt anybody. Second, my large friend over here really does wanna hurt somebody. He kinda craves violence.
JAYNE
It’s a flaw in my character.
MAL
It is a little disturbing. So I strongly suggest the trade agent make themselves known now, or my boy’ll be picking victims at random.
JAYNE
I’d like to mention I also hit women.
MAL
Good point, let’s factor that in.
--
JAYNE
Are you moonbrained?
--
INT. FIRST SHUTTLE (River in Inara's empty shuttle)
She touches the bed, lowers herself onto it, touches the air above her, supplicant.
RIVER
(continuing) Oh god... , just there, yes, oh, OH --
MAL
Hey!
She looks over to see the captain in the doorway, looking not at all comfortable.
MAL
(continuing) Um, I don't see any cause for you (to) be here.. doin' that..
RIVER
(complete lack of emotion) Oh, god, you fill me up, don't stop, it's so good --
MAL
I'm sure it's all kindas a' nice, but really you should stop --
RIVER
This is where she feigned.
MAL
Where she fainted?
RIVER
She lied. Sweet lies, like spun sugar. A web around her eyes. A veil. Can't see in, can't see out.
MAL
Right. Well, it was Inara's job to lie with men, if that's even remotely what you're taling about...
She says nothing, forcing him to make more talk:
MAL
(continuing) You know, kid, you were great today. Fine little criminal. I'd as soon have you stay as not, your brother and I just don't --
RIVER
Everybody leaves you.
She's up and past him with crisp effecticency.
RIVER
(continuing) I have things to alphabetize.
--
BOOK
I'm happy to watch the boat. I've known the pleasures Beaumonde has to offer. I prefer to stay here and cheat at solitaire.
MAL
Sinner.
--
JAYNE
Hate givin' up my sidearm. Feel nekkid without it.
WASH
I have that too, only with clothes.
--
ZOE
Did you really tell the Doctor you'd shoot him?
MAL
I don't know! I may have indicated violence of some kind..
(To Kaylee)
To protect you!
KAYLEE
From what? Gettin' some yum-yum?
MAL
From gettin' your heart tore up!
KAYLEE
I'm a growed-up woman, can take care of my damn heart. I think the Doc was fair sweet on me, but no -- you just couldn't stand the thought of gettin' bumpy if you can't.
WASH
(re: Zoe) Does that mean we have to stop?
-- BOOK
(re River's trigger) A message through the Cortex.
ZOE
A subliminal.
JAYNE
Words gettin' awfully long here..
MAL
We don't have time for you to play catch up, Jayne. (to Zoe, quietly) What's that mean?
--
ZOE
Go.
MAL
I ain't used to bein' ordered around by you, Zoe. It's kind of a turn on.
WASH
I'm standing right here.
--
Dear Santa, What I want for Xmas is Firefly back. Thanks!