Either the visitation or the funeral would be fine, I think. In my experience, if you go to the funeral it will be appreciated, but if you don't go, it isn't seen as disrespectful. A lot of people avoid funerals entirely.

I'm going to go to the visitation even if it's not the most proper thing, the idea of going to the funeral is practically giving me an anxiety attack now. The funeral would put me in an unfamiliar situation, in an unfamiliar place, with people I barely know (and in some cases barely like).

Also, if I were in this situation I would not want anyone from work to be at the funeral, unless I had some kind of personal relationship with them outside of work (and maybe not even then).

Visitation might be better. You sound like you'd be more comfortable, and that way you can actually say something to your boss. It does seem to me that, at least in the South, a lot more business people come by at visitation but don't come to the funeral, which tends to be more family.

Situations like you describe give me fits, askye, with my tendency to blurt when uncomfortable. I wish, over the course of my life, that I had not backed away so much.

askye, do you know what faith the family practices? The etiquette might be different depending on that; I know, for instance, that for many (most?) Catholics, the wake is the public event at which anyone who knew the deceased in any capacity is welcome, whereas the funeral is more private and family-oriented.

Visitation is the perfect solution for this. I think that's why the things were created. They can be hell to sit through for family (raises hand), but people can slip in, say what they came to say, and leave. Funerals, in my experience, were for those who felt a need to say a more formal good-bye.

I'm pretty sure they are Protestant. Also I just found out that there is going to be a video presentation of her mother's life (originally planned for her birthday) that runs about 20 mins.

There's just no way I can do that. So visitation it is.

Lilty and Jen have new tags.

beathen, you don't have to bring your WF DVDs cause THEY ARE MINE ALL MINE.

My bags are already packed and in my car. The moment I leave the office, I'm heading your way without stopping at home.

May I leap in and say "hi!" first and then go back and read the last couple hundred posts? I had a 3.5 oz. bar of dark chocolate for breakfast - me, who gets a big buzz from a single decaf latte; what was I thinking (the answer being: not) - and I haven't felt this jumpy since the time I ate a bunch of No-Doz when I was a teen to stay away to care for a kitten who'd either fallen out of the rafters of the barn or been kicked in the head by one of my friend's horses. The kitten's eyes were spinning around. Just like mine feel now, in fact. The kitten was fine by the next day. I hope that I am. In the meantime, may I chat?

eta: awake, not away