It's sort of like the joke in Holy Grail. You feel like you've just been brought out and tossed on the pile of black death corpses. But you'll get better. "I'm not dead yet!" is a useful concept right now.
Maybe I'll get better?
t /Jane Espenson
All your tildes are belong to me... (just for the week, til you need them back.)
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8. Dude.
Uh huh.
Early Show.
Yep.
My daughter rocks.
She truly does.
And I am set to record it all.
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So definitely make use of us.
I am. Shamelessly in fact. Thank you.
Cass, I know I've said this, but I'm driven to repeat it, because I genuinely believe it: feeling the crap now is way, way way way better than going into a fugue state.
That's what I did. I spent age 15 to age almost not quite 22 in an on-again off-again complicated by his marriage to Lynda-aka-Dolly state of jealous intense incandescent love relationship. All I wanted was for the entire world, including his drunken deranged needy faithless wife and the musicians who made up his career, to piss off and disappear. Instead, I ended it and made a deal with myself, apparently, to feel nothing because I was afraid it would kill me.
I remember nothing at all between January and late October of 1976. Nothing. Real live fugue state. It's now 28 years later and the blocked memories have become monsters, and I'm bleeding over it.
Better to feel it now. Really. Much better.
What Deb said.
I need help. I need someone to tell me I really have a very good excuse to buy this dress. Any takers?
I need someone to tell me I really have a very good excuse to buy this dress.
You're alive, and female?
Truth to tell, I was almost lost forever looking at the sweater next to it. I loves it, I do.
I know I've said this, but I'm driven to repeat it, because I genuinely believe it
And I need to hear it. Again and again and fucking again. I really do.
Because I would rather feel ripped apart and crying now than be bleeding over it in the future if I don't have to be.
I have this theory percolating in my brain on what it can mean to be soul mates, and truly know someone else's soul. It is very dark right now. Which is skewed because I honestly believe that you can have that and have it be a really positive thing. Hell, I think I've even seen it in other people. Rarely, but I have.
I need someone to tell me I really have a very good excuse to buy this dress.
Want. Need. Buy. Have. And get the sweater too, Sail.
I need someone to tell me I really have a very good excuse to buy this dress.
You must have that dress. It is gorgeous and you will look gorgeous in it. Do you really need another reason?
You're alive, and female?
That is a very good reason. It must wait, though. My credit cards would be very unhappy with me if I didn't pay off some of Christmas first.
I have this theory percolating in my brain on what it can mean to be soul mates, and truly know someone else's soul. It is very dark right now. Which is skewed because I honestly believe that you can have that and have it be a really positive thing. Hell, I think I've even seen it in other people. Rarely, but I have.
We should discuss, because I've lived your theory. I've lived it twice. Oddly, they were both called Nicholas. Next life, maybe I'll get Harveys or something.
If you wanted a prime example of why immediate pain is not only better than the delayed, but actually has the possibility of being nourishing, you see before you a superb example. Pretty much all of what I've posted in Great Write since September 6 - the tenth anniversary of his death - is me gritting my teeth and ripping the scar tissue away.
So much better to deal when it happens.
But there is also the Big Bad that I can't even bring myself to talk about here yet. Best case scenario, the worst will be over by Tuesday. Worst case scenario, I'll know that by Tuesday too.
{{{Cass}}} I wish I had something wonderfully encouraging to say, but I can't think of anything. Much vibes to you, especially concentrated on Tuesday.
