That's sweet, Gus. Not everything is happiness and light, but I am trying to create a pocket of happiness for myself.

I don't really have my health, or at least not in the way I'd like, but I'm surrounded by dynamic, loving, caring people. I don't always love my workplace, but I am charged by what I do.

So, all in all, choosing my life is prolly not a great model. AmyLiz's life maybe would be a better model.

Well, Gus, we're all hoping, bunk.And, wrod, I've been so excited about loving a show that's still on...oh, no, am I the kiss of death? Sorry I broke your show by discovering it. Simon says he is going to go "begging-ass bitch" to the CEO and plead a lot. The CEO really loves it too. It could work. Cautiously optimistic for 2005...I don't do much more than cautiously optimistic ." It ain't in me no more." to bring the two threads together. I plan to keep fighting though...mos def. Second the Bush-emotions. Post of the Beast...didn't even do it on purpose.

Erika got the GOOD number. DAMN. Go her.

So creepily fitting, huh? My address has that in it. People either laugh or look blank.

2004 was a pretty good year, all told. My first full year of grad school. Had my best birthday in awhile. The first of my childhood friends got married. Several friends had babies. I had a few months of being sick, but I got my voice back eventually. Learned a lot about myself, both what I am and what I am not.

My husband just toasted the table with champagne. We have two strong, intelligent, funny children.

All the rest is commentary.

Well, it's 11:40 here. In 20 minutes, it will be 2005.

2004 has not been a bad year exactly, but it has been the Year of the Holding Pattern. My health issues continued, and some questions were finally answered. One of them was whether or not I was going to have a child any time soon, if ever. Amazingly, I seem to have reached some sense of peace with that answer, finally, even if it wasn't what I thought I wanted. My job was...well, more of a job and less of a passion. I feel myself shifting away from it, reaching toward something new and different and better. I'm outgrowing this life, I think.

However, I will always love 2004 for bringing me the Buffistas. I can't even believe that I didn't know this place, or these people, a year ago. It's not the board itself, though I love it here. It's the people. The real face-to-face time I have had and the incredible bonds I have formed. I can't even...I want to explain...I just can't. Some of my closest friends now were complete strangers last year. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that.

I'm ready to break out of formation now. 2005 is going to be a defining year for me. I turn 30 in six weeks, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm ready for a new decade, a new set of chances.

Ready now...

Happy New Year, loves. And thanks.

Just to clear things up: I spent most of 2004 regaining the partial use of some of my limbs.

-30

My son got married to a wonderful girl and now lives in a wonderful place.

+20

My son got shot, while being a caring individual, caring for another's wounds.

-10 for gunshot +20 for coolness of son

I got a cool contract to do cool work in a cool country. +40

Kat and I had a spat. -10

I got snowed in to my house and couldn't open the doors because I was too lazy to take off the summer screen doors. -10

tommyrot sent me a cool book. +10

Bush got elected...

OK, we had a 50/50 thing going, up to that point.

I've been avoiding writing up my year, because it's had some good (friends getting married, and having babies, a bitching new car, and some progress in my career) and some bad (the year started with an unexpected death, some aspects of my job were making me unhappy enough to bring me very close to quitting, and I made a few mistakes in terms of who I trusted), but mostly it was just sort of was.

I feel like I was drifting too much, in a lot of different ways, and I guess the closest I am going to come to a resolution this year is to pay more attention and focus more, even on the little stuff.

One thing that was definitely good though, was the Buffistas. I've been to some weddings, and raised a glass to some others. I've been able to say hello to some of the cutest babies in the world, with the promise of more to come next year. I've traveled to Maine (complete with pimp hat!), and DC, the Seattle area twice, and San Francisco a few times (complete with Nilly!) and had a hell of a lot of fun in my home town, all thanks to the Buffistas.

I wish you all a great and glorious 2005.

In five minutes: My good in 2004--

Gus proposed! (Yes you did. Don't look like that)

DC and SF! Meeting Buffistas!

Nilly!

Who could ask any more than that?