ita, yup - I was fine with him asking to see the paperwork, and handed it to him immediately. Where he went completely over the line was in asking - as if he had a right, which he emphatically did NOT - to see additional paperwork.

Under California law, legally handicapped people are not necessarily those in wheelchairs. Before you get a placard, you need full medical verification of that fact - it aint easy, and most doctors would kick out a patient who tried to scam one. If Nic, say, had parked in that space without me in the car - something he never does, since he considers it stupid and very bad karma - and the cop had asked to see proof that he was entitled to use that placard? Nic would have got a humongous fine, and rightly so. He obviously isn't Deborah Grabien, and equally obviously for the cop, there would have been no Deborah Grabien in sight.

But once I showed him the paperwork, reached right into the glove box and handed it to him, the rest was stereotyping and power-tripping, and what's more, he knew it. If Teppy had had a temporary handicapped placard after her back surgery in California, no cop would have had the right to demand more proof of entitlement. We are not obliged to carry notes from our doctors, or our MRI images, just because they choose to think pain has to be visible. That DMV-issued paperwork is, in effect, the note from my doctor.

Sorry to go on at length about it, but the idea that someone can give me - or anyone, whether they're in a wheelchair or on crutches or just moving slowly - grief after being shown the proper paperwork makes me want to bite said cop's head off, and spit down his neck.

When I had a placard, relatives would ask to borrow my car with it in. How would the cop know that Natasha wasn't me without ID?

The cop probably wouldn't. But what would stop your cousin Natasha from faking a limp which would probably have satisfied the cop?

And to clarify, if Natasha was parking in a handicapped space without you around, she was being breaking the law. If she's just driving it, she isn't, not here.

But what would stop your cousing Natasha from faking a limp which would probably have satisfied the cop?

Absolutely nothing (sorry, Tash). But just because Tash is a cleverer faker than Natalie doesn't mean Natalie shouldn't be asked for iD.

When I was card-carrying, I wouldn't have minded showing extra papers to make it more likely there'd be a spot available when I needed one.

There's absolutely no reason that the reason for needing a spot is visible -- I think the MI definition of need was having difficulty walking more than X yards, and of course the point of the spot is to have it closer than X. Which'd minimise the display of symptoms, for those as can.

All good points. But I disliked his power-tripping; if I had chosen to limp (in fact, I was fighting not to and it was a particularly bad day), he wouldn't have asked for additional ID. What's more, he knew I knew it. The "You don't look crippled enough for me" was what earned him the tongue-whip, and he had the sense to understand why.

Not sure if your car had the removeable placard (that's what I have, because I change cars), or the on-the-plate sticker. But I don't lend my car to anyone when I'm not going to be in the car with them, not without removing the placard first.

I'm just speaking for me. But I'd rather assume that most people who live with pain pr disability, and therefore want those spaces used by other people with pain or disability, don't randomly loan their vehicles to people who are likely to abuse the privilege. So, when I get to Costco and see that all the handicapped spaces are full, I look to make sure each vehicle has the placard or tag. If they do, I sigh, and move along, or else wait for one to open up, depending on how well I'm doing that day.

I have heard so much crap about the abuse of those placards. No one abused mine, but if everyone followed laws, we wouldn't need cops at all.

I felt self-conscious all the time -- I was miserable, but didn't feel impaired enough. What if I was keeping the spot from someone in a wheelchair? Someone in more pain, or with less function? But it came down to either I parked there or just went home. If scamming the spots was as big an issue as I'd been led to believe (maybe it was just MI), then I'd have shown ID without complaining.

See, I've never heard that it was that big an issue in NorCal, at least; we have this odd headspace about stuff like this. I just figure that if the vehicle is marked as handicapped, someone to do with that vehicle earned that right. I go with assuming I'm not being scammed.

Also, truth to tell, I almost never have trouble finding an open handicapped space, even in a full lot. It's maybe one time out every fifty attempts, and usually in a small lot, where there are only two or three handicapped spaces total.

Also, I never felt and never do feel self-conscious about it. But I've been in a wheelchair full-time, long before ADA was passed, and then for nearly a year while it was being debated, and believe me, I ran over plenty of toes to make my point.

But the discomfort - that's on the good days, on bad days it's pure pain - that comes with MS is actually worse than what I remember from after my car accident. And this isn't going away; there's no fixing it. So I will use any small perks I can get, to make it easier. It helps to not give a shit what the world thinks about it, right up until the point where a badge/gun decides that maybe I should do cartwheels for him, and if I fall on my head trying, then I'm really entitled to my placard.

BTW, totally with you on the "what if someone more in need" thing. One a couple of occasions, coming up on the last space at the same time as a very elderly couple, I've backed off and waved them in.

Woot! If Vortex is picking you up, I'll likely be in the car too, since she's my hostess for the weekend.

I don't want to assume she will be--it's fine if it's easier to grab a shuttle. I'm getting in around 1:30 or so on Saturday the 22nd. I'm excited!

In terms of the whole debate about the handicapped spaces, my live-in Gram has a permit (she's turning 91 next month and has an artificial hip), and she doesn't drive. Even though I know it is 100% justified for me to park in a hc spot when we're together, I have to admit that I feel so weird about it, especially when I'm dropping her off or picking her up. I'm always convinced that as soon as I walk back out to my car (which at this point would be sans Gram, since she'd be inside), someone will jump at me and start yelling.

Dumb, I know.

But Kristin, if you're dropping her off or picking her up? The minute someone sees your 91-year-old grandmother, any yelling they're going to do will likely die on their lips. (edit: or just point at the building in which you've dropped her off. That should do it.)

The whole point for me is that someone to do with that vehicle earned the right to that placard. From there, I figure that's good enough to go on with, so I don't question them. The ones where I've been known to lose it are the little red Corvettes or SUVs with no visible placards or tags, in the space, with their hazards blinking.

I think it's a personal reaction. I just figure if the cop wants to power trip at me, he can have my MS, too.

Hell, it's not like *I* want it.

Deb, I mean more people who don't see me escorting her inside, but who see me coming out, alone, and heading to the car. Or vice versa--they see me parking in the spot before I've gone in to pick her up.

And I completely understand your reaction to the cop, btw. I can only imagine how frustrating that must be.

Though I do not have a comparable experience in terms of HC assumptions, I am well versed in dealing with other types of condescending assumptions. If one more person tells me that I obviously can't keep control of high school students since I look like one myself...etc. Dear god is it frustrating to be at conferences where my younger colleagues are given more respect because they look older. I have to fight so hard to be taken seriously. Oh dear. I'm ranting. I didn't mean to start ranting. (Just to be clear, I'm not implying this is anywhere near the same level of frustration as dealing with MS. Obviously I have it extremely easy in comparison.)

So I looked at pretty dresses for the F2F today! It was fun, and not at all rant-inducing.