When you factor in that some of us (looking at me) are the really warm fuzzy type who take offense on behalf of others sometimes, then it can get really messy.

I get that, but, again -- and I'm being serious, not snarky -- beyond acknowledging that yes, some people feel steamrolled over and less likely to speak up; yes, some people are too aggressive; and yes, it's important to make an effort to play nice and be thoughtful before hitting "Post," what else can we do?

Oh, and calling people on their bullshit when you see it.

Though I have to admit taking offense on behalf of other people is a dicey proposition, because....what if *they* aren't offended? Or, as (I think) Micole put it yesterday, "Stop putting words in my mouth."

IMO, the only problem we have is discussing ad infinitum the minutae of being a community. And it's one of the flaws that makes our community human. And I love us for it.

Beating Dead Horses R Us.

I'm just trying to figure out what's driving this conversation. It feels like more than just our annual spring cleaning, for some reason.

I think it's a number of things coming to a head. Most of them have been mentioned above -- stressful world situation, stressful personal situations for many Buffistas (and I'm sure I'm not the only one here who hasn't mentioned things), apparent end of the Buffyverse leading to issues about the direction of the board. The situation just needed a catalyst to get the discussion going. And Beej's leaving plus Rafmun's blunt remarks provided that catalyst.

Beating Dead Horses R Us.

Can this be the next thread title?

Can this be the next thread title?

Be my guest. Though it would be unseemly to electioneer on its behalf.

When you factor in 800 or 1000 other people, all with their own quirks and hot buttons, it gets really complicated.

I love the complicated. Loved that post, Dana.

I've learned over time that people view me as harsh, and I view others as hothouse flowers, and I bring that bias to the table, and sometimes lose sight of it. And this is usually where I fail, or hurt people's feelings, because I've discounted them in that way. I can also be horribly mean and terribly ugly in a malicious way, which is my worst quality, followed by arrogance.

Since Jen K., I tend to go to notepad and write my hatefulness. Read it over and over and edit it down until I can find a less hateful place. The onus is on me, to take responsibility for my words.

I've learned over time that people view me as harsh...

That's odd. I've always seen you as meek and docile.

How is it possible that we lost more people than we did? What evidence do you have to support your probably?

We have one clear cause-and-effect example. I think it's safe to assume that it probably left a bad taste in some mouths that just stopped coming around.

...You'll advocate for the weakest link, capital be damned, which is honorable. I'll cut their throat at first rumblings of trolldom, capital be damned, which i also believe is honorable.

Allyson, I appreciate your post above, all of it. I'm just reposting the end.

Part of it is temprament, I acknowledge this. But part of it is an ethic...

I really belive the best way to participate in and take care of this community is to nurture it (heaven knows it's nurtured me from those awful days in September through a job hunt that took entirely too long).

I don't mean that in some sort of squishy hippie way. It's very deliberate. Super Porny Pants makes people laugh. I know that's not an absolute (humor varries) but it is the intent. I've been blessed with a certain amount of wit and I try to share it. I like how it can take people out of themselves, out of their pain, out of the mundane. I can't program this board, but I try to "build" it in ways that make people glad they're here and want to stay. It's not just cracking jokes, it's celebrating others humor as well. I've probably placed twice as many COMMS as I've ever been given.

Plenty of times someone has pissed me off and I've been ready fucking gut them, and I certainly can-- a one-liner can be weilded in any manner of ways. I really try not to, though, because it cuts the fabric of the board along with the son of a bitch who has it coming.

The benefit of the doubt you see is the same, it's a choice. It's not always easy to do but it comes from the POV that in the long run it's better to prevent a tear than try to fix one.

I get that, but, again -- and I'm being serious, not snarky -- beyond acknowledging that yes, some people feel steamrolled over and less likely to speak up; yes, some people are too aggressive; and yes, it's important to make an effort to play nice and be thoughtful before hitting "Post," what else can we do?

Those things have been identified, and acknowledged as not codifiable both implicitly (by silence) and explicitly, by several others in the last posts.

Why continue asking the question that's already been answered? I'm also being serious, not snarky.

xpost may have already answered my question.

Trudy, I think we need both nurturers like you, and warriors like Allyson. If (and Allyson, I think/hope you'll take this in the right way) all our discipline/membership decisions were left up to Allyson, our board would be pretty small. If they were all left up to you Trudy, we'd be overrun by Z*es.

We each bring different things to the table. Some bring the passion. Some bring the reason. Some bring the anger. Some bring the humor. Some bring excitement. Some bring the peace. Some bring the sorrow. Some bring the joy...

I've already misspoken.

We all bring each of the above (and more: wit, compassion, intelligence, honesty), but we bring it in our own doses, and in our own ways. And, in our fullness, we are humanity. Anger is not always bad, or even negative. There is such thing as righteous anger, and it's what makes us protest wars, and fight to defend our loved ones when our homes are being invaded (in meatspace real life, I mean). There is no utopia on the 'net, not even this board, for the same reason there isn't in the world—'cause people? pretty much a plantary epidemic.

That we will fail isn't a reason to stop trying; it's the reason to keep trying. Now, I don't necessarily mean trying, here. I mean trying to be our best. I fail in many ways, in arenas much more significant to my own life, and the world, than is this place. And each morning, I try again—the best I can. Somedays my best doesn't rise above abysmal. It's called living.

Can this be the next thread title?

I was going to propose:
"Bureaucracy 3: What is it with you people and gerunds monkeys pirates The O.C. kissing girls?"