We have lost good, active, people because this board is not as comfortable as it once was. It's more confrontational, we have to vent every little damn thing, "scroll by" and "let it slide" seem to happen less and less.

And this is a bad thing for people who don't like confrontation. I'm confrontational, and it's a happier place for me. I'd be miserable if no one ever got into heated debate, and I'd leave for more controversial waters.

I haven't left, but I definitely have stepped back, because I'm not comfortable with the level of debate and bureaucracy that's involved in making decisions. (And I'm a bureaucrat.) Some people enjoy debate, some people find it stressful. It seems to me that the more vocal people by sheer force of persisitence drown out the opinions of those who quietly voice an opinion and leave the debate to the fray.

I unsubscribed from this thread a long time ago, but genuine care over what happens to the board causes me to look in everytime the post count rise (much to the detriment of my blood pressure.) I try to skim the acrimonious stuff. And I try to contribute my opinion when I can, but I rarely feel like it's taken into account, since I don't hang around and fight for my point of view.

Assertive and constructive good. Insensitive and selfish, bad.

Are you seeing specific posters doing the latter here? You seem to have given that impression to several people here, myself included.

What's the fear, Megan? Where in a debate to you feel afraid or unheard?

I'm just the kind of person who wants to be liked, to not rock the boat, so I don't speak up unless I'm really, really passionate about something. It's my own character flaw.

I guess I feel that now that Buffy is over, we've moved from debating about whether B/S, B/A, or S/X are the one true pairing, to debating about what posts go where, re-writing the FAQ, and how to treat new posters. I work in a bureaucracy. I don't want to play in one.

Would Rafmun naming specific people or incidents be anything but inflamatory in the extreme?

I understand the desire for concrete examples, but let's keep the convresation about tone? Please?

And I try to contribute my opinion when I can, but I rarely feel like it's taken into account, since I don't hang around and fight for my point of view.

Yes this.

I guess I feel that now that Buffy is over, we've moved from debating about whether B/S, B/A, or S/X are the one true pairing, to debating about what posts go where, re-writing the FAQ, and how to treat new posters. I work in a bureaucracy. I don't want to play in one.

Are you seeing that outside of this thread though? Because I don't think this thread was ever intended to be about the former type of debate.

Assertive and constructive good. Insensitive and selfish, bad.

You're going to have to give examples. I seldom see this...and when it happens, we're called on it.

Agreed, with a highlighter stroke over *thoughtful*

Yeah, but I can only control the "thoughtful" portion of my own posts. I have, in the past, brought up the issue of contentless posts (numberslutting, wrod, Happy Bliniversary by itself, kitten cooing, and brackets galore) and there's only so much you can do to influence that.

I guess I feel that now that Buffy is over, we've moved from debating about whether B/S, B/A, or S/X are the one true pairing, to debating about what posts go where, re-writing the FAQ, and how to treat new posters.

But we've always talked about that stuff. Even when Buffy was on. It's really no different.

Would Rafmun naming specific people or incidents be anything but inflamatory in the extreme?

It would be. But dancing around it? Really infuriating.

If you're not talking about anyone in particular, I'm perfectly willing to discount what you're saying. If there are actual people who feel this way, I'd like to know who they are.

What Jesse said.

If there are real posters and real situations you're thinking about, it seems to me like you have a number of options: You can confront them in-thread, you can bring the specific incidents to bureau, you can email them and ask them to chill, you can put on your mental ENUF filter and scroll on by.

I personally would put bringing it to bureau without naming names way, way down the list, as it seems passive-agressive to me.

I work in a bureaucracy. I don't want to play in one.

I sympathize, but I don't feel like anyone is forcing anyone else to get involved with the bureaucratic stuff.

(And I'm like Allyson or Cashmere -- I thrive on debate right up to the point where real feelings get hurt.)