I'll get this started although my head is still swimming with too many thoughts of what happened in 2024 and what might happen in 2025.

Normally, events in my immediate circle of loved ones would be more prominent in my mind, but when I reflect on the unimaginable that happened in November and the horror of 2016, it will remain inconceivable to me that people thought this was an acceptable choice. If there is an upside, I stopped watching the news except for a bit on weekend mornings. I skim my newsletters, but no more televised news that used to be background noise here. I have watched a number of television series that I either never watched before, or watched so long ago that I don't remember them. That has been a source of pleasant distraction. This past week several holiday movies!

Life on the family front has ups and downs. My brother starts radiation and chemo today, which is scheduled for the next 5 weeks. He has lost 40-50 pounds. No telling how treatment will go at this point. My oldest sister had her knee replaced and is doing great having lost a bunch of weight and having a miracle 'butt-pacer' implanted that solved her digestive issues. Go science! The rest of the family are doing okay. MIL makes me crazy with not fixing fixable stuff. My other sister is hanging in there but has a lot on her plate. Brendon and I have been more focused on our health lately. He turns 60 this week and is making appointments to deal with issues related to being a huge person. We are both dieting, again, as our health issues are directly related to our weight. Ortho for me today, eye surgery next month. Bodies, man. They become more a focus as the years progress.

My eldest arrives Christmas morning with the girlfriend for a week. That is a good thing. He frustrates me,, but he should. My first grandson turned 4 a week ago and I haven't seen him since before he could crawl. I have never seen my grandson who turns 2 next month. It is a heartache that has turned into resentment. We didn't deserve this and at this point, I have accepted that it will never be right.

That's it for now! Time to get to the doctor.

I keep waiting to have something great to say for one of these things. But I guess I still am waiting, especially with the re-emergence of Asshole Nation this November. It may be a while(if ever), but the holidays are about hope and all that so I'll dip into my optimism stash enough to say "Maybe one day," if not "This is gonna be My Year!1" because that might take a cocaine stash. I've had a little more money since April's paying off of the mortgage...taken a few workshops and classes and had a bit more to share with projects that matter. Thyroid treatment seems to be helping, but much like the gland itself, it's not fast. But in a few months, I should be back to abnormal. attendants seem to be sticking with us, so I guess, for Rebuilding Year number 19 or something, it could be worse, but still, no amazingly happy "Still waters run deep," style updates. Disability policy is still waiting for the new version of Netscape to come out, which makes it hard to believe I'm really helping.

The last quarter of this year has been a real dick punch. Christopher unexpectedly unemployed, my knee surgery, the election.

Not to mention Christmas Eve credit card fraud. Ugh.

I am trying to work past a lot of anger and working on local support network building. I just signed up for a non-profit boot camp to create an LGBTQ+ local support group. I have a deep sense of foreboding that we will need it. It will give me something to focus on that is doable. I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure or disappointment. We'll see.

In spite of all the complete horseshit that is piling up, I think we lucked out. Because in every situation, the worst-case scenario never materialized. We have resources and skills to work through all this. Christopher got a severance, I was able to get my knee surgery covered and then we shifted over to my employer's insurance so we're all covered. The kids' colleges have been mostly saved for (and we can borrow more than we originally intended).

Christopher isn't even sure if he wants to return to insurance work. He's never been particularly happy with the middle-management tract he's found himself on. He loves the work but HATES HR stuff. And even though he's been an excellent manager, he doesn't love it. Job searching is going about as well as one would expect around the holidays for a 53 year old man in a fairly high paying field. Meaning, he's had a few interviews but nothing promising.

We don't want to move if we can help it. At least not for 3 years. The house is nearly paid off, and the kids will graduate college then. I LOVE my job and don't want to leave it anytime soon. But I have a sinking feeling I might end up following Christopher's job somewhere before then.

Kids are doing well in college and I'm trying to get their paperwork in order with their name changes/SS cards and birth certificates. I will never not be worried.

The next 4 years are going to be full of terror and chaos.

Let's take it as given that the election was a horror show and the next 4 years are going to be rough. Fucking hell.

That said, my 2024 was otherwise pretty good. I honestly wonder if it just feels like it was so good because Tim didn't have a major surgery this year. Not being the caretaker is one of my very favorite things.

I kept a running list of good stuff that happened this year, so:

• I recovered from long Covid as much as I'm going to (let's say, I'm 90% back to where I was before)
• Which means I can exercise again and have been doing so regularly
• And I've lost about 20 pounds of Covid weight so far; I don't really have a specific goal, but would like to lose more
• Totality for the solar eclipse in April was close enough to Cincinnati that we were able to watch it with some of Tim's family, and it was genuinely breathtaking
• Our niece graduated from med school and then got married with a Lutheran ceremony, a Hindu ceremony, and a giant hootenanny of a reception to top it all off
• We saw some great live music, including Haley Reinhart, Morgan James, and the Christmas Hammond Organ Jazz Trio
• Our neighborhood was full of its usual shenanigans, including (among other things) the best damn 4th of July parade and the best damn Krampus walk
• We went to the beach and had a great time as always
• I went to Colorado for a long weekend with my college roommates, which was just an incredible trip, and I got to see my brother and sister-in-law at the end of the trip
• Then brother and sister-in-law came home for 10 days at Thanksgiving, so I got a lot of time with my bro

It turns out that, after long Covid, I regularly need more sleep and need more time to recover after any event other than an ordinary day. That sucks, but I've adjusted to it. I also seem to get hit harder when I get sick, and I missed JZ's memorial because of a nasty GI bug, I missed a trip to Chicago for work because of a shitty viral thing, and I got the flu in Colorado and was sick for 2 weeks, sicker than I've been in a long time. And I had a couple of bad falls, which I thought wouldn't start happening for at least 20 years. So my New Year's resolution is to work on my balance and strength, because I don't want any more of those to happen. Also, my Dad is a straight-up nightmare that takes up a lot of my emotional headspace. But my therapist is excellent and Tim has got my back.

The good really did outweigh the bad, though (election notwithstanding).

I have made it to 2025! Hooray!

2024 was a quiet year for me. No family crises, no personal crises.

My healthcare coverage through COBRA was only good until the last day of 2024, so back in November I signed up for coverage through healthcare.gov. On December 23rd I received my new insurance card. Whew, what a relief! I will be able to afford my healthcare for 2025 after all!

A few personal achievements in 2024:

• I got to see my second total eclipse of the Sun.
  
• I celebrated my 60th birthday.
  
• June 6th marked the fifth anniversary of my cancer diagnosis, so I have beaten the official odds.

The medications I take are keeping my prostate cancer quiet. The side effects are no fun. I am coping. My overall mental and physical decline continues, but I'm not dead yet.

Every morning when I wake up I remind myself: today is a bonus day.

All broader societal issues aside, 2024 was a mixed year for me. I finally managed to move back to Michigan, something I’ve been working towards for years. The cat of my heart died, and a month later I still find myself getting teary eyed from missing him. He had hyperthyroidism and kidney disease, and he beat the life expectancy of a cat with both by a couple of years, but I’d still have liked more time. Javier has stepped up with the cuddling and staying out from under the bed for extended periods of time, which has been helpful (so I thank Amyth for that, wherever her spirit may currently reside).

I’d been burning a lot of mental cycles working out how to get back home, so I’m hoping I can convert those to something new and interesting. I moved the Monday before Thanksgiving, so that and then all the Christmas stuff and New Year’s have had me in a sort of liminal space. No idea what my day to day is going to look like, aside from work. I guess it’s a chance to build new habits and whatnot. Some of them might even be good ones. I have a line on a community garden and an astronomy club, and over the summer I’d like to take sailing lessons. All assuming things don’t get too dire. My hope is that the grifters in charge get so busy with infighting and backbiting that their worst impulses can’t manifest.

Hmm. I feel like nothing happened in 2024, but I know that's not true. I went to Philly several times. Had drama when our usual March dance event turned into a Fox News drama and scary threats. Went to JZ's memorial and got to see lovely Buffistas. Was initially in great shape, doing CrossFit and then personal training, and on the study drugs. Once off the drugs, promptly gained 15 pounds, and eventually paid for Zepbound. Haven't lost that 15 pounds, but haven't gained any more either. Going to work on that in 2024. Went to a family reunion of sorts in Colorado for my aunt and uncle's 60th wedding anniversary, and got to visit my friend's new place in Denver. Went to a dance event in LA, which was mostly great though a few ups and downs. Visited friends in DC and went dancing. Sadly then in November the year took more of a downturn. Found out all in one week that: the local ballroom I dance at is closing, two of my dance friends who were #relationshipgoals broke up, America re-elected Trump, and my bestie had cancer. Whee. Luckily she was able to get surgery pretty promptly, and still (eventually) joined us in Palm Springs, which she is the organizer of. The first week was v chill, with just two of us, but then there was her, plus a fun group of her new friends from Denver, and then for Christmas some old Seattle friends. All in all still a lovely time. But not sure about 2025--I had lunch with a friend today and she asked what I was looking forward to in 2025 and I had to think for a bit. I was planning a trip with my friend in February, but we canceled due to the whole cancer thing (she starts chemo in a couple weeks). Otherwise I'm not sure that I have any big plans for 2025. Get through it? Hope there are some good surprises sprinkled in there? I do have some nice ongoing routines (dance, trivia friends, etc) and hoping to put a few more in place, but still feeling apprehensive of the new year and not sure what I even want to plan, to look forward to.