You're not wrong. I don't know what's going to happen anymore because reality keeps outdoing my pessimistic and overactive imagination.

I agree. I feel like openly defying the Supreme Court is really a huge step and seriously disturbing and frightening. I hate it here.

He's played by the usual authoritarian handbook and he'll suspend elections because of "outside agitators" and "time of crisis."

My recurring fear is that the only way he can stop elections is "time of war", and nuking Iran will accomplish that for him. Hello WWIII.

The first time around, my biggest personal concern was that it fundamentally changed the way I regarded my fellow citizens. I had never experienced that level of disgust (and a whole bunch of other negative emotions) with people I didn't even know. Seeing someone with a red hat or bumper sticker would bring pure anger. This was not Laura. I don't like that change in my core being.

This time around it is fear. Anger was easier. I have lived my life going with the flow. Nothing upsets me. I don't panic or worry. I've often been asked why I wasn't upset or completely freaked out by what life was handing me. I've always considered these emotions unproductive as they don't change the results. The example that comes to mind was decades ago when I was working as the office manager of a company going through bankruptcy negotiations with our biggest vendor taking over, and Steve was declining rapidly. I was in the coffee room joking around with the warehouse manager, pretending to flirt, as one does with coworkers you know are kidding. He turned serious and said he didn't know how I could keep it together with the office stress and Steve so critically ill. It was natural for me because getting upset never made things better.

At 71, this is the first time in my life when I am terrified and feel no control over my future. Yes, I can go wave signs at the Tesla dealership in Fort Lauderdale every weekend. I can call or write my representatives. It doesn't matter. I am paralyzed with a sense of hopelessness. I'm trying to proceed with normalcy in life. Shiny new nails, my sister's 75th birthday, seeing friends and family. Yet underneath the panic is there, where it never has resided previously.

Yeah, so there is my spill of the morning. Guess I better drink some more coffee and maybe get dressed before noon.

I'm having trouble distuishing between my personal worries and national ones at this point.

The thing that's telling to me is the Trump administration really has no stake in Abrego Garcia's case except to prove that they are beyond the law. They created a test case and even made sure to acknowledge that he's wrongly imprisoned.

They are saying they can do this at will to anybody. It's pure State Terror 101 and control.

The Supreme Court has no enforcement capacity beyond the rule of law. Federal Marshalls are under the Department of Justice which Trump controls.

The only check on Trump would be an impeachment, which is not going to happen with this Congress.

And even if he were impeached by both the House and Senate, and removed from office I feel he would claim it was invalid.

Also, while he's started by deporting immigrants who were here illegally, he's quickly ramped up to Green Card holder who are legal residents, and has indicated he would like to rescind citizenship for people who were born here. It's an ethnic purge driven by White Supremacy and Christian Nationalism.

Finally, the way the right has demonized trans issues and used it as a wedge issue, suggests to me that they will attempt to (starting in red states) declare anyone who is transgender to be mentally ill, forced hospitalization, conversion therapy and also will attempt to take custody of trans kids from their parents. The anti-trans legislation is already pretty insane in a lot of red states.

They will definitely try to roll back gay marriage, and legal protections for gays as these are affronts to Christian Nationalism.

All, the while Trump will grift like a motherfucker and stack up billions for himself and his family.

And even if he were impeached by both the House and Senate, and removed from office I feel he would claim it was invalid.

Of course he would. And in the event that anyone at all tried to enforce it, his followers would make January 6 look like a picnic.

I'm having trouble distuishing between my personal worries and national ones at this point.

I've started utterly flying off the handle at small things that AREN'T related to this crisis we're in. Last night it was ants in my office, because yes I eat in there but it's not like I'm spilling things and not cleaning them up, and besides we have a quarterly pest control service just to control the ant issue and this is the first time we've HAD a lot of ants in over a year. And this morning it was the fact that the higher ups in our division removed one of my department's website pages without even telling our director about it, and how DARE they leave us with a broken link and no explanation when people from campus call asking where the info went!? And yeah, ants are annoying and overbearing senior management are worse, but normally in my Zoloft-enhanced middle age I'm a lot more chill about these things.

Dylan has reminded me that I need to take care of myself and not have a heart attack so I can live to piss on certain graves, which is surprisingly motivating.

Sorry to be all apocalyptic, but he's only been in office for three months, and he is blasting by democratic norms at a blazing speed and the more he wrecks, and the more chaos he sows, the more power (and wealth) he accrues.

Another big tell is that the Supreme Court ruling was unanimous. Even Clarence Thomas was like, "Yo, bro, gotta respect the law!" And Trump's like, "No, remember I was granted immunity by Roberts? I don't have to. I'm the most powerful man in the world and I'm on a revenge tour. Habeas Corpus? I never met the bitch."

We are watching BBC News, and unfortunately, they air the White House media briefing. DH wants to watch it, and the pandering by the friendly "journalists" is nauseating. Time for me to make lunch. I can't watch.

{deep breath}

In other news, I had my first check in after starting Ozempic. I'm down 9 lbs in two weeks.

I'm not sure it'll stay at that pace but it's a good start. Pants are definitely looser.

I'm eating three small meals a day, no carbs. My drinking is down to one or two drinks a night. Last night I didn't finish my second drink.

The Pilates is definitely a lot harder than staying on the diet.