Whoa. Good myth.

Wash ,'Our Mrs. Reynolds'


Natter 78: I might need to watch some Buffy for inspiration

Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.


Sophia Brooks - Mar 12, 2025 4:25:40 pm PDT #6084 of 6096
Cats to become a rabbit should gather immediately now here

That seems really hard for M. And consequently for you.

I like the one cigarette a day idea. I believe they also make vapes that are easier for the elderly, although I don't know how that interacts with Oxygen. I was looking into for my mother until I realized that she will literally never listen to me. She needs to be tricked into thinking something is her own idea and that she can do it with no help. We are so much alike, except she is not at all bossy. She is judgy,but not bossy and wants the same respect.


Sophia Brooks - Mar 12, 2025 4:47:29 pm PDT #6085 of 6096
Cats to become a rabbit should gather immediately now here

I am going to a Post Cereal- maybe Wheaties, because I don't want my good news to be mixed with my sympathy.

As some of you might have guessed, I have been super-depressed and just broken since about September 2022. I took a good turn in September 2024 because I went back to my doctor and got back on my antidepressants, but I still have been feeling totally terrible and bad at work. I have had some good days, but mostly, I am somewhat of a pile of burnt-out DO NOT CARE, which I come out of when I CAN'T STOP CARING.

I also have been feeling very disconnected from my Boss because she is super busy and is also very gentle- and I wasn't feeling where the goal posts were. I felt like she correctly read that I don't like being micromanaged but incorrectly read that I didn't need to understand WHAT the goals were.

I had my performance review today, and it was so good! I actually cried some happy tears because she recognized things that are really important to me (solving the root cause of problems, meeting the faculty "where they are" in terms of tech, and making sure the right stakeholders get to the table for tech changes) and specific instances! So I feel seen! We set really good goals with a plan to check in on them. I was able to share that I was looking for a new "big project" where I can dive in and learn a system and then help teach it- my big projects have gotten to a more "maintenance phase," and I am bored with it. She shared that there is a new project upcoming that she wants me to be involved in deploying and creating training materials; it just hasn't been approved. She even upped the one score I lowered on my self-eval (we only have 4 competencies, it is weird) because my "communication" difficulties basically have to do with one person who we both think is an asshat who cuts me off and explains the same thing I did, WRONG, and in more words. She said that since I was aware of it and was trying things she would still rate me higher. Unfortunately, I can't pull off what she does without sounding like I am being passive-aggressive. She does the "Can you help me understand...", or "Oh, I wasn't aware that was the case, my understanding was that..." My technique is now basically to keep my mouth shut and let him hoist himself on his own petard. Eventually, he says something ridiculous in front of his boss, and he looks like an idiot.

Annoying review caveat- at the beginning of the process, we were all told to choose DEI goal. That option is now unavailable. That made my boss angry, so we put mine (investigating "blind" grading without student names) under Strategic Planning.


askye - Mar 12, 2025 5:00:53 pm PDT #6086 of 6096
Thrive to spite them

Sophia I'm glad you got a good eval!! That is awesome.

Apparently there is already fallout over the no smoking thing. Because someone , I think M's aunt, texted and asked if smoking would be allowed outside. He said no. The Cousin who kind of disappeared the other day I guess is back up at his parents and they don't really want him there and I guess his mom was asking if he smoked outside would that be ok. The Cousin is in his late 30s so his mom getting involved is weird. But she also wanted to know about when people came over to visit M's mom. And they want to sit outside , away from the oxygen tank, and I guess have his mom sit out there without it and then smoke and her not smoke. Or something. I don't know.

I am not 100% sure she is getting oxygen but since the don't know what is causing this I would assume they would want her to be on it. She still is getting oxygen at the hospital.

In all of that work wasn't too bad. it took me a lot longer to do things than normal. And I didn't get dizzy as badly but my stomach was still bothering me. Four more days of work and then the ultrasound and I'll have 3 days off. I took an extra day to go up and see Mom. I still want to and will try but it depends on what is going on here.


DavidS - Mar 12, 2025 5:06:51 pm PDT #6087 of 6096
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."

Fantastic review, Sophia! Oh what a difference a great boss makes.

Not just the validation, but the well communicated goals and expectations with room for you to grow towards your strengths.


Sophia Brooks - Mar 12, 2025 5:26:40 pm PDT #6088 of 6096
Cats to become a rabbit should gather immediately now here

! Oh what a difference a great boss makes.

Not just the validation, but the well communicated goals and expectations with room for you to grow towards your strengths.

It was really amazing. Also, I think she sort of realized that letting me alone because I am a good and independent worker and don't need her attention as much as other things was causing me to spiral out in anxiety now that we are five years past 2020 and all hands on deck! I was thinking that I was doing all these things behind the scenes to keep things running that no one saw, and she saw them! I think she understands that I can do need a clear roadmap now.


brenda m - Mar 12, 2025 5:32:42 pm PDT #6089 of 6096
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there

That’s lovely, Sophia. I’m so glad you had that experience and that you and your boss are on a better wavelength.

I had to put out a message today for my team confirming that we are no longer legally allowed to have supplier diversity targets or programs, and that talking about anything we are doing internally needs to be reviewed And probably reframed or minimized. Last night I was reviewing a proposal and had to strike out a whole bunch of that, and it was so painful and enraging.

I decided that the very least I could not let the formal message stand without any comment. So I added this at the end. I despise having to be so cagey but here’s where we are.

I want to acknowledge that this is a very difficult conversation to be having. Our culture is important to me and to all of us, and to me that is inseparable from actively recognizing, supporting, and creating opportunity for talented people from all walks of life. I hope you'll come to me or reach out to a trusted friend if you have concerns or need to talk through any of this. Also, this is a great time to look into the BRGs if you have not already. It's a great way to learn, build connections, and support colleagues and culture.


brenda m - Mar 12, 2025 5:35:54 pm PDT #6090 of 6096
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there

The BRG groups are the employee affinity networks - Black Professionals Network. Women’s Network, etc etc. They’re open to everyone, and I harp on about them all the time as it is. But god I hated to do that


lisah - Mar 12, 2025 5:49:52 pm PDT #6091 of 6096
Punishingly Intricate

Askye, I think you have a right to a home that’s not in danger of blowing up.

Or being filled with smoke regardless!!


JenP - Mar 12, 2025 5:51:35 pm PDT #6092 of 6096

That is so wonderful to hear, Sophia!

Brenda, that is so rough. Your people no doubt appreciate your message.


Sophia Brooks - Mar 12, 2025 5:56:27 pm PDT #6093 of 6096
Cats to become a rabbit should gather immediately now here

Brenda, I know I would appreciate that. We are hanging out here in the wind saying "business as usual". I am on the Council for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, and we don't even know if we can say our name.