Wow, Hil, if they ever just had you set up right at the beginning of the semester it'd be rather a miracle!

Hil, I actually wanted to ask you a question. I'm trying to figure out what exactly my relationship is to my cousin's granddaughter (2nd cousin? once removed?) I'm sure I could figure it out if I really sat down and tried to figure out the math, but I thought with all the genealogy study you've done you could probably help me without all the agita. So, can you tell me what my (female) cousin's granddaughter (on the maternal side, our mothers were sisters if it makes a difference) is to me? (If this is something you'd usually charge for or is any other way an overreach, feel free to shut me down. I promise not to get cross).

Your cousin's granddaughter is your first cousin twice removed. Your daughter and your cousin's granddaughter would be second cousins once removed. Your granddaughter and your cousin's granddaughter would be third cousins.

Anyhoo, I once worked with JFKJr's first wife, and . . . IMO he's not a good human being.

Thanks for the info, Sparky. We've been working on what to have her call me (auntie-cousin is a semi-jokey go-to in our family, but she's a little bit delayed, so I'm trying to simplify rather than complicate - so first cousin twice removed is, unfortunately, a lot). We might just go with "Tia" (the other side of the family is Mexican), I like it and she should have plenty of Tias so she shouldn't be confused. My cousin suggested we just use my name, but with 50 years between us, I feel like there should be some sort of "honorific".

If she's your first cousin, then her granddaughter is your first cousin twice removed. (Her daughter is your first cousin once removed). If you had a child, your child and her child would be second cousins. Their children would be third cousins. I won't do the removed on those... unless you want me to, heh.

My Uncle Freeman taught me all o' that at my grandmother, his mother's funeral. He was so awesome. I miss him.

In my dad's family, you'd just be an aunt. Any relation (or family friend) a generation up (or more, we didn't use greats either) is pretty much aunt or uncle. Uncle Walter, for example, might have actually been my dad's uncle, or my grandmother's, or a cousin of some sort, I have no idea.

Oh, ha, ha, ha! I rushed to post the answer, so I didn't see that Sparky had answered. Like a child I can be when I get excited.

First cousin twice removed is correct.

I was very excited when I finally learned that "once removed" meant a generation instead of some further extension laterally on the family tree.

Speaking of trees, the Arborist is coming tomorrow. Because while I feel like I've been flailing a bit and unproductive I have actually done shit. Like meet with and schedule the arborist to trim my trees.

Other things I have managed to do:

Contact liaison for Matilda's Japanese abroad program and go over application requirements.

Pursuant to that, ask Matilda's school for her transcripts.

Follow up email with the gardener (as separate from the arborist) to tame my Wisteria.

Arrange for all the women of the Sacred Circle to join me and Matilda on Friday for G&Ts and pizza. They are the people I want to be with on that day.

So even though Matilda and i have been in a funk for the month of August, stuff is moving forward even if it feels like a whole day's effort to get off one email.

Addendum: I was discussing my to-do list with my friend Kat Kelley at the comic book store.

Me: So the arborist will come and he'll raise the crown on the front yard tree, and he will "proportionally" shape the two tall back yard trees. Because my backyard neighbor, Faustine, was complaining how they were shading out the light in her kitchen.

Kat: Oooh, Faustine is such a good name for a low-stakes antagonist.

Me: It really is! And then I contacted Fiona, the Gardener...

Kate: Fiona the Gardener! This story is writing itself. What great character names!

Me: Like Cottagecore but crossed with Mapp and Lucia comedy of manners. Oh, and the arborist's name is Remy.

Kat: [sigh of satisfaction] Perfect.

Make it a low-stakes nothing-much-happens bedtime story.