As we get into August I have to steel myself for FB memories about bringing Jacqueline home for hospice.

It's not a PTSD feeling or something I want to avoid, but I know I'm going to be hitting on those feels.

Today's the third anniversary of me announcing that JZ was stopping chemo and we were preparing for hospice.

I read through all the responses again which were all so heartfelt. But what really pulled me up short were seeing the comments from people who had died in the last three years. Six people (One was Sue Ozon) - only two of whom knew they were dealing with cancer at that moment.

Then I mentally noted all the people responding who I knew had lost a spouse or child. That was another 8 people.

We just don't know how much time is given.

Oh, wow. Being able to count up the losses like that, oof.

Oh, wow. Being able to count up the losses like that, oof.

Same thing happened at my college reunion. We had little Buddhist prayer flags up for people in our class who had died, and it was sobering to count up their names. I was literally standing next to a woman who was dealing with her own Stage 4 cancer and saw the shock hit her face when she realized she was going to be flag on a line before the next reunion.

My mom would say that the hardest part of living into her 90s wasn't the physical limitations or ailments she had to deal with; it was the accumulated losses. Eventually losing the last person she knew in her youth. She accumulated new people, but every day there would be another reminder of people lost.

Eventually losing the last person she knew in her youth.

I'm only in contact with two people who knew me before high school.

It's my 40th high school reunion this year and I was halfway thinking about going because round number and all but the thought of having to tell people what I've been up to for the last 40 years made me so tired. I'm sure there's more people than I know about, although I know about enough, that we've lost, too.

I've never been to my high school reunions. I only went to that school for Jr & Sr year and gor the first ones i was in such a bad place i was too embarrassed to go.

So we had Starlink installed at work today. The guy installing it had some issues and had to get into the ceiling in the breakroom.

I didn't go to my reunions either. I was not an active participant when I was there and don't know or remember anyone from that time. I still have friends I grew up with, but not from school.

I know that people from high school check in on Classmates, but I've waited so long to reunion that I'm now at the See Who's Alive portion--once again, it'll probably a big "Psych!" that I'm on the list, but I think that's a lot of money for a chick with not a lot of old times memories and, frankly, not a lot to brag about. Maybe I could buy Classmates again, though-- I'd like to say "Hi!"==they were pretty nice, but it was like being the exchange student from Criponia, not like having a gang. Or even a posse, which was not yet passe in high school and might have put me on-point or even AHEAD of the curve if I'd claimed it then.(I wish I'd had disabled Pink Ladies, really.)

I am eating a nectarine that has been sitting on the counter and is probably too ripe for some people's tastes. AIFG