Baby steps, Sophia. I think the overwhelming number of things that need to be dealt with after the loss is somewhat of a buffer to having to deal with the grief.
I think so too. I am sort of like, I am fine, when everyone is talking to me about grief. But what I am is good at a crisis, and bad at real life, and this is a crisis. Although Maria, who knows me best, told me she could tell that I was really fine and not just holding on by a thread. I am renting a car tomorrow and going down and staying overnight with my cat. It is super rainy so I can also check the sump pump and roof leaks.
My aunt (widow of my uncle, not mom’s sister) said she really feels my mom is truly gone. In other deaths she has struggled with feeling the departed in the house, and she is not. We also agreed that she really wouldn’t want any celebration of life thing. I have been feeling some pressure from Maria and my mom’s high school friends to do something, and I am like-what? She would hate anyone at the house, she had no favorite places, my uncle and cousin, and I are uncomfortable at those type of things and don’t want to speak. I think I can go to dinner here with my mom’s friends and satisfy them, and Maria is probably OK and thinks I need closure. Her family always does a big thing. I am fine going to other people’s big things, but my cousin’s and my track record with grandma, grandpa and his father is either going into a giggle loop or hiding from people. I had a nice lunch with my uncle, and a nice dinner with my aunt. I can have dinner with my cousin and his wife, and with her high school friends, and maybe with Katie and Maria and my friends in the village? That seems simpler.