Jesse, can you text me a picture of the reference with DH's name in it? I'm curious to see if it was an article or his book.

My first instinct was to say take her to the concert, but after hearing that the gift wasn't this specific concert, but any concert in 2019, I think it's fine to say that you no longer think it's a good idea to take her out of school for 2 days for this specific show. That seems like an eminently reasonable consequence of not doing her work: having to choose another concert instead that won't interfere with school. (Easy for me to say, I know! I don't envy you having to deliver that message, if that's what you end up deciding to do.)

But, I mean, I also don't think you'd be a bad parent for taking her to the concert anyway.

What others have said, I didn't realize it wasn't the specific concert promised as a present. So yeah, judgement call appropriate either way. (so not helpful!)

Jesse, can you text me a picture of the reference with DH's name in it? I'm curious to see if it was an article or his book.

I will try to remember when I get home! Either way, I'd assume it's a quote he got from one of the relevant players, because those are 90% of the people quoted in this book.

The more parents post here about kids not doing their homework, the more I feel guilty for everything I put my mother through in school and the more I worry about how ltc is going to torture me in school.

Could it be useful to query Casper about what she thinks is fair in this situation, and her reasoning about it? Is summer school versus a cool job a good reason to forego this particular concert? I take it that there is not enough make-up(s) for past assignments that she could reasonably work her butt off on?

Alas, consequences.

Meantime, I'm hiding from my Facebook page where evidently I have touched off either the intifada or genocide. It's not even watch from the hall, through my fingers. I could stop it by deleting the post, I suppose, but I hate doing that, and on a better day I might be able to read through it all without getting exasperated or angry.

So, yeah, consequences for me, too. At least I'm not getting an F in math.

Timelies all!

I'm sorry, Laura.

Laura, I'm so sorry to learn that Zoe has passed. I teared up while reading your post though, because I thought, "What a good death." She was not in distress, and she was surrounded by the people she loved so much. Love to you and your whole family.

I would have no qualms about still going to the concert if it didn't involve missing school to do so. The gift was not this particular concert; it was A concert in 2019. So we could find a summer concert or a concert that's on a weekend to go to. (But she wanted this act the most.)

Flea, since there was work she didn't do, and this wasn't just an academic struggle with a difficult subject, I think I wouldn't take her out of school for it. I think I'd go for another concert. It seems like a reasonable consequence, with enough sting to drive home the point, but doesn't undo the present aspect.

That said, you're not a chump (and not mean) either way. And you're not failing. You're not failing because you're there, you're loving her, you care about her education, and you're trying to be fair. That's all you can do (no matter which concert you decide upon), so you get an A.

Hey Flea, I think I'd take her to the concert she wants, and then have her take summer school and lose the dream job. This concert is The One, and it won't affect her grade, at this point, to go. It was a Christmas gift, and I think it tarnishes the joy of the gift if you start hanging strings from it. The job, however, is a reasonable consequence, in my opinion, because the loss of it is a direct consequence of not doing her current job. Then, maybe, talk to her about plans and ways to help her work out how to avoid this consequence in future. It gives you a lot of good will, and if you explain your thinking to her, then she has the opportunity to work with you to help her succeed instead of resenting you.

serial, because it deserves its own,

Laura, I'm so sorry for your loss, and so pleased for Zoe that she got to feel the love until the end. I wish there was a way to make it easier for you.