This is long-away me, jumping into the conversation to echo what chrismg said to Gud.
Brain chemistry, ptsd, lifelong negative self-talk and patterned reactions to traumatic experiences are not things you can just think away. In fact, thinking in a vacuum just digs those neurological trenches deeper, making them even harder to climb out of.
I love Kate P's question asking how does it feel when you see the people here loving and supporting you. From a clinical perspective, I bet I know that answer and from a caring perspective, I'm going to bet that you don't.
Please heed everyone's recommendation to speak to someone unrelated to your situation. Call the hotline, check with your local mental health orgs about support groups, check for sliding scale services...generally faith-based, but also not pushy about it. (I started with a pastoral counseling service and was amazed how easily I fit in, despite not being part of that demographic.)
The issues that seem to take up all the space in your head, become automatically smaller [see me pulling a thought, like out of a pensive, and putting it in an upturned palm] when you allow them to be aired outside of yourself.
There are so MANY reasons to break this cycle, but the only one that really counts is that you want to.