I talked to Mom this morning. I thought she had lost power and gotten it back but she has not and there is a downed power line across the shortest way for her to get to the main road. So she's had no power or water for over 24 hours and can't find any info on when she will get it back. She's going to try and call the power company.

And I can't even say hey just drive down here and hang out /take a shower because of the stupid pandemic

So there is a local company giving away free paper masks 10 to a car. And I went to where they are giving them out and I literally couldn't not figure out how to get in the line to get them. They had cones blocking sections of a parking lot off but no signs or people directing anyone and between buildings and it being on a hill I couldn't figure it out. I tried following a car but they were doing something else at the location.

It makes me feel so stupid because I could see cars leaving and so I know thete is a way but I just couldn't figure it out. And this on top of the unemployment thing has got me to a mini meltdown. Why can't my brain just work like normal. I know the route to that drive thru line has to be obvious to most people but I just can't see it

I've had several moments where I thought "this is the prologue scene in a novel."

The whole "you can't vote in person because Cov-19 and also we can't fund the post office because THE ECOMONY because Cov-19" situation reads like backstory to Handmaid's Tale, Catch-22, or 1984.

There's a theory of bureaucracy -- I forget what it's called, but basically the idea is that you make applying for benefits (or jobs, or lotteries, or college) sufficiently difficult that only some people meet all the requirements on paper (even though many more people actually would meet the requirements, they just can't prove it). And then you don't have to pay out!

We touched on this in my food policy class (SURPRISE IT'S HOW SNAP WORKS) and I can't remember the name but I'm pretty sure it's something like "how to be a racist bag of dicks in the name of preventing fraud."

askye, that all sounds frustrating and stressful and no wonder you feel almost out of spoons. I have definitely had times when there was just so much else piled on that a simple thing like "where does this line start" felt like too much to cope with. You're not alone.

Good news out of Wisconsin, election-wise. We got a State Supreme Court Justice in spite of Boyer suppression by way of pandemic voting, and my good friend and former roller derby teammate won her election for mayor. (Not my town but close by.) reactions are kind of cool. [link]

There's a theory of bureaucracy -- I forget what it's called, but basically the idea is that you make applying for benefits (or jobs, or lotteries, or college) sufficiently difficult that only some people meet all the requirements on paper (even though many more people actually would meet the requirements, they just can't prove it). And then you don't have to pay out!

We touched on this in my food policy class (SURPRISE IT'S HOW SNAP WORKS) and I can't remember the name but I'm pretty sure it's something like "how to be a racist bag of dicks in the name of preventing fraud."

I studied this principle in January in Economics and Public Administration class, but in Hebrew. Somewhere under selective vs. universal benefits and cycle of poverty.

Askye, speaking from my experience of having to ask repeatedly for help with things that other people apparently found obvious: You are 100% not alone in this.

my good friend and former roller derby teammate won her election for mayor.

What's her derby name?

Very cool, Cashmere! That gives me a lot of hope for the future.

I know I am not alone and I believe it . I felt like I was doing a good job of handling this, radically accepting things except it may have been more suppress my feelings and deny that's what I'm doing than radical acceptance. But the little spiral I've been on hasn't been that bad. Even 2 years ago I probably wouldn't have even gotten the unemployment application done by now and I am not sure how functional I would be

I went and found a 15 minute low impact work out on YouTube and did that and then paced in the backyard some. I'm sitting here watching birds flit into the mulberry tree. Hopefully this year we will be able to harvest them before the birds eat them all . I'm going to get up and work on a small section of cleaning somewhere. The replacement headset is ready at WalMart and I'll get it when I pick up my groceries.

And I got stuff to make burritos or something so I'm going to make something Mexican inspired tomorrow because that makes me happy.