Hmm. My grandpa has a stone, but I am not sure my grandma is on it. My aunt is in a different cemetery alone, and my uncle wants no stone I suspect my mom does not either. Not sure what to do about that?

Aurelia, are you planning to be cremated? Check to see if you can be buried in the on one of their plots. When my mom died we bought adjacent plots for her and my father. Only later did we learn that A) you can bury up to two sets of cremains in a person's burial plot, and tB) hat my dad wanted to be cremated.

Theo, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm pretty sure my grandmother's family has like six or eight people's cremains in their family plot that just looks like one slot, IIRC.

I wonder how many families just surreptitiously scatter cremains on a relative's expensive plot. Sort of like the Great Escape prisoners carrying up pocketfuls of excavation dirt to shake out in the exercise yard.

My family favors cremation and scattering at sea, which makes sense for Dad, whose home is in Half Moon Bay and who had a two mile beachside walk on his last functional day.

Yesterday we took him to hospice. He's so strong that his body just won't quit and it is shutting down very slowly. I have trouble spending time sitting with his empty shell because it is horrible to see blankness and drooling in such a vivid person.

This has been a worst case scenario for his loved ones. The cardiac arrest took him down suddenly, and now more than a week circling the drain. My stepmom has been a tower of strength, I have been completely calm and very sad, and my sister has been covering storms of emotion and asking about miracle cures. I think we have all the reactions.

I advise pre planning postmortem wishes. Having all that in place has been one relief in a sea of paperwork.

I'm so sorry, Katie. This must be excruciating.

I wonder how many families just surreptitiously scatter cremains on a relative's expensive plot. Sort of like the Great Escape prisoners carrying up pocketfuls of excavation dirt to shake out in the exercise yard.

Ha! Not sure how you get the name engraved in that case?

Oh, Katie, that is so hard. Wishing you strength and love.

There are so many more regulations around cremains than I ever knew before this job. Special permission (or at least paperwork) is needed to fly with them, for instance, and in some cases to scatter them (although that depends on where, I guess).

In my limited experience on the phones for the last 18 months, a huge majority of people are being cremated over traditional burial, and a lot of people don't seem to be bothering to bury cremains, either. I did have a guy call the other day, though, who was having his dad's amputated leg cremated, which was a first for me.

I shall be cremated and scattered, by preference, in the water. If that's impractical, up with Hubby in the mountains will be nice. No engraving anywhere, the universe already knows me.

Me, I'm considering a natural burial, i.e. no embalming, no artificial material in coffin (in fact, cardboard would be fine). What I really want is archaeologists finding me as a rare undisturbed burial of the late 21st Century and speculating badly about my life, "She had extensive dental work -- she must have been a princess!"

Perhaps acquiring some authentic Viking grave goods to be buried with me would be a good idea....

Maybe I'm a weirdo, but I find it a little baffling to care what happens to my body when I die? I mean, it's be nice if it could be useful somehow, but I really don't care if I'm cremated or buried or what the stone would say. I have a preference for if I'm ashes, not being in a box in the closet? Like, display an urn or scatter the ashes but don't just stick me somewhere and forget? But really whatever is easiest for whoever is dealing with it. My assets I have a few feelings about and I'd like a good funeral party, but body? Meh.