I'm always figured that bisexual meant you were picky about the person but not the gender. Willing to admit to being wrong on that, but it's something I picked up on in college when one of the boys went for the pretty.

Well, I haven't always been picky about the person...

If you want to get complicated/precise, it's going to be "feels sexual attraction to own and different genders" which isn't always the same, apparently, as "feels romantic attraction to own and different genders" which would be biromantic. You could be bisexual & hetero or homoromantic (I've known people who could be described by both these, though the homoromantic ones I know have always identified as lesbians, even when they randomly hooked up with dudes on the regular) and biromantic but, say asexual. Or bisexual and aromantic. Precise as these labels are, I occasionally--by which I mean often--feel that the more granular you get, the more they become helpful more for sorting out dating than they are for, I dunno, fighting oppression. But that's me being old and cranky.

Really, "not straight" should be all we need for banding together and fighting oppression, all the gradations and different flavors should only matter to us and the people we have relationships (or casual fun) with.

The whole not "touching" people because they are a gender that you have had a sexual relationship with in life is making me very cranky. I would be perfectly delighted to hug, snuggle, hold hands or be generally affectionate with lots and lots of my friends, including all y'all that are huggers. This is a whole other thing than an interest in or invitation for sex!!!

Yeah, it takes some kind of ignorance to fail to see how an "ugh! Cooties!" reaction would be offensive.

Really, "not straight" should be all we need for banding together and fighting oppression, all the gradations and different flavors should only matter to us and the people we have relationships (or casual fun) with.

Wrod. Which is one of the reasons I get salty when Tumblr Kids insist that queer is a slur.

Zen, I'm sorry about the asshat.

Precise as these labels are, I occasionally--by which I mean often--feel that the more granular you get, the more they become helpful more for sorting out dating than they are for, I dunno, fighting oppression.

And woe unto people who use a label that's extremely helpful but other people believe doesn't exist. (I realize that can apply to "bisexual," though I was thinking of "demisexual.")

Zen, I'm sorry you had the experience, but glad it was early in what would certainly have developed into a toxic relationship.

I hold my biromantic demisexual designation close, because after a lifetime of confusion and feeling "wrong," it explains *so* much. But I use queer when there's no time, purpose, or point for explaining 'biromantic demisexual' to strangers.

But I use queer when there's no time, purpose, or point for explaining 'biromantic demisexual' to strangers.

I don't explain shit to strangers about my sexuality, because it's none of their business. They're going to look at me and assume I'm a bog-standard straight woman, and whatevs. I have zero interest in discussing my sexuality with people who are not (1) going to participate in it, and/or (2) very close friends.* Everyone else can assume whatever they want to.

*(Okay, exemption for my OB/GYN, who needs to know what's going on in the ladyparts so we can discuss birth control options.)

Zen - sorry about the jerk.

What kind of person doesn't touch or hug friends that they aren't having or possibly having sex with? Do these people not kiss their mom? Babies? Hug their siblings? They live sad lives - particularly for social primates such as humans.

Also: I bought a pour over coffeemaker and it rocks. So simple. Just enough coffee for me and it's cheap. Also: the coffee is not at all bitter.

What kind of person doesn't touch or hug friends that they aren't having or possibly having sex with?

There are people I don't hug, but it has nothing to do with the potential of sex (or lack thereof). I just have a 50-foot personal bubble.