So, so much love to you and your dad and your family, Strix. I'm glad he is comfortable and in good hands and not alone.

I have zero interest in the Olympics. My FB feed is full of people griping about various issues, including technical, and all I can think is, "Fucking CANCER. If the fucking cancer had left my brother alone, it'd all be flawless. Fucking cancer even ruins the Olympics, that ruiner."

He started his first round of chemo on the first, after a 4-day delay for blood problems (hyperviscosity treated with two rounds of plasma infusions) and insurance stupidity. Stem cell harvesting and transplant will happen sometime within the next month, but for now he's an outpatient curled up on the couch in the old apartment he and his husband hadn't yet gotten rid of when they moved to CT, which is now gruesomely convenient since it's only a couple of blocks from the hospital. He is sick and hurting and bored, and his husband is the champion of all champions.

And the rest of us are stuck out on the other coast, waiting for word on how we can help, if at all. (Naturally, families being what they are, the one relative who's financially best equipped to just bop down to the nearest airport and jump on a nonstop cross-country flight without a second thought is also the one who's least emotionally equipped to do anything useful once he gets there.) And my mom is getting queasy indications from another family member that her long-ago instincts were right and said member was never really okay with my brother being out and married. And I feel small and helpless and all I can think about, when I let myself think about him, are all the times I failed him and ignored him and was a generally shitty big sister.

All my love, JZ. I'm willing to bet heavily that your little brother thinks he hit the jackpot of big sisters. Vibing hard that the treatments go better than expected and that the insurance issues resolve quickly. Strength to bro and bro-in-law.

JZ, I can't say better than Laura. Thinking of you and bro and family *so hard* with all the good and best I can muster.

So much love, JZ

Best wishes and much strength, JZ

::wraps JZ in hugs:: It's so hard, especially when you can't be close enough to do anything practical.

Maybe Matilda could send him funny drawings?

JZ, you're his sister, not some weird flawless being who never gets annoyed or caught up in their own life and problems. Siblings gonna sibling. Your love for your brother has always been clear, is certainly clear to him if it's clear to us. Don't beat yourself up for being a sibling, not a saint.

I am sorry you are stuck far from him and feeling helpless. I wish I could teleport you to his side.

ION, it's just past noon and I've put on outside clothes, taken out the trash, swept out the bathroom, kitchen, and laundry nook, and accepted and put away the grocery delivery. I need to vacuum under my desk. Short track skating and ski jumping will be on in 45 minutes. Day one of vacation.

edit: vacuuming is done. I believe I shall knit and fiddle with beads during the Olympics. I also have Pepperidge Farms cookies.

JZ, so much love to you and your brother. There is no part of this that does not suck. All you can do is hold on and love hard.

My love to you and your brother, JZ.