Ugh, Suzi, I'm so sorry. Being strong is totally overrated.
I'm in agreement with burrell, hippo. She's super wise.
So I'm in an overwhelmed spiral. And I mentioned all the Grace stuff on FB, but I think I'm also really struggling with facing how bad off my dad is. Everyone in this group is professional level at handling a parent in failing health so it seems whiney to complain.
The weird part for me is dealing with Grace in a nursing home was different. For lack of better description, there was hope. Since we didn't have a roadmap of what to expect, we didn't know all the things that she was losing. And she wasn't really losing things. Most of the children at Totally Kids improved and clawed their way back (except the small handful who really didn't).
But my dad is a like a sweater that someone has pulled a piece of yarn on and he is just slowly unravelling. And what feels like such a shock because I'm so naive, is how little there is left of who he was. On Thanksgiving, I stopped to say good bye as we were going to the airport . He was curled on his side asleep. I whispered "I love you" and "goodbye' and gave him a kiss and he looked at me and said my name and said "I love you too". He was there for just that moment.
I'm so sad and tired.