Maria, you are absolutely right on the burden of dealing with other mourners. Family isn't too bad, but there's a lot of performative grief that is being laid on my sister & nieces by people who barely knew A, and it's so hard on them. I get the impulse, but seriously, do people not understand basic courtesy?

Dealing with other mourners is exhausting, and performative grief is even more so. When Mom died, my pseudo big brother texted me asking what he could do, and he took on the task of managing the biggest drama queen in our circle who we all knew was going to go for the Oscar in performative grief.

Everyone should have their own Buffista Legion with shields at the ready when they have to go through things like this.

Plei and Cass saved my sanity during that time. I'm not exaggerating.

In I-am-easily-amused news: my sister just texted me "Shana tova" and I responded "and also to you". It really doesn't take much.

Got my shift assignment for nov dry run: all my regular hrs. I'm pulling more than any coworker and during prime time efforts, but that's fair as I'm getting the least disruption. And all I asked was to not have the weekend day shifts!

Also, think my boss is worried about not having me regular hours for nonJWST stuff. 7 hrs of people in a tizzy last night, I nailed down the critical points in an hour this morning. And it's a cluster of miscommunication (wtf, it's in he requirements!) and code and uhg. Dammed the leaky dike, made offerings to mission office gods, emergency contingencies applied. Gods I'm tired.

I was so lucky I had a phalanx of Buffistas there who literally formed a ring around me to stop the outer tier from getting to me at the funeral.

I remember vaguely an informal consensus that we should sit where we were together in your line of sight. And that we managed to try to never leave you unaccompanied. If there was a leader, good job on subtle guidance (or my cluelessness to said guidance) otherwise I'm glad the collective worked. It felt necessary to be there for you. I'm glad we were.

My uncle who's been in the hospital/rehab with a terrible infection for the last few months just took a bad turn. Good thoughts towards Delaware appreciated. He's a really dear person.

I'm so sorry lisah. Strength to him.

Good thoughts, Lisa. Ugh.

Dealing with other mourners is exhausting, and performative grief is even more so. When Mom died, my pseudo big brother texted me asking what he could do, and he took on the task of managing the biggest drama queen in our circle who we all knew was going to go for the Oscar in performative grief.

You know, all told, the performative grief was SLIGHTLY less irritating to me than the person or persons who claimed to be helpful and whatever and was basically a useless narcissist throughout.

Hi. I have STRONG FEELINGS about that time period.

Kinda thinking of offering my car to female coworker who doesn't have one but will be working the midnight to 8 shift. She walks/bikes now, but during daylight. Wouldn't be a big deal, as long as she can drive shift. Her shifts don't align with mine, so it'd be a matter of exchanging when neither of us was inconvenienced. Eh, will broach tomorrow.

That's nice of you sara meg!

I am feeling weirdly dizzy/lightheaded today. Not sure why--first I thought maybe it was because I only had coffee for breakfast (though that's not uncommon) but then I ate. Tried taking a nap, still feel weird. Wtf, body. Hoping it'll be better tomorrow

(...and it suddenly occurs to me to wonder if I took my meds this morning. I thought I did, but if not that's sure an easy explanation!)

The emotional labor of remembering to remind your husband to check that his suit is clean for his niece's wedding this weekend, and that a dress shirt is pressed and if not, figure out the closest dry cleaner, and no, I cannot drop it off just because I work from home because I WORK from home and you should have planned ahead and and and?

Is EXHAUSTING.

My goddamn dress is clean and pressed. No one reminded me to do that. WHY CAN'T HE REMEMBER. Jesus.