If I lose Medicaid, I'm so screwed.

I heard former LA gov. Bobby Jindal's name being bandied about as Sec of Health and Human Services. This is the guy who refused to accept federal Medicaid expansion in his state (a very poor and unhealthy state) - we had to wait until the new guy came in to finally get services to folks. Because, you know, Obamacare.

Kalshane, that's so scary. I'm glad they're all right.

I feel like I need to do something, but I don't know what I can do. Suggestions welcome.

I finally looked up my local results - they're pretty much what I wanted. Disappointed in the State results on the Death Penalty propositions. Nice to see that my county was 67% for Hillary. It doesn't matter, as such, but it makes me feel a little more comfortable with my immediate surroundings.

Left my phone at work again. Oops. I think that underscores that deciding not to drive to Tai Chi was right - I'm sure the actual class would be really good for me, but I'm physically and mentally exhausted to the point where getting behind the wheel would not be responsible.

Good luck, smonster.

Just got back from my volunteer shift at the plant conservation lab. That wipes me out when I'm "normal". Today on two hours sleep I'm feeling utterly beat. I'm catching up on socnets and emails but hope I can keep myself from breathlessly trying to find out more takes, more news...because I need a hot bath and sleep to function for a long day of chem lecture and lab tomorrow.

I haven't read through any post-mortem articles. I heard a little analysis on public radio on the way home and that's it. I'm bummed, anxious, and stressed but I know the fullness of this hasn't hit me yet. My mother was really devastated this morning. She was quiet about it, but yesterday morning she posted a photo of her clad head to toe in buttons she'd bought from the Hillary campaign. She did more work than ever to get my apathetic siblings to get out to vote (only 2 out of 14 didn't, one of whom can't because he's in jail).

I'm not on Medi-Cal but I'm on Medicare and SSDI and I do worry about what's going to happen with that. Given that my only other way to supplement my disability income is to sell off assets (bike, musical instruments, etc), I'm worried at what the plunge in the stock market is going to do to everything else that determines these things. So I can definitely empathize with those of you who are worried about the GOP dismantling ACA and how to get coverage with pre-existing conditions.

I find myself worried about me a lot (self-centered because I just don't have a family/social network I can absolutely depend on), but I also think about how this feels for people of color, Muslims, immigrants, etc. I've been thinking for months that I wanted to find some kind of working group on race. It's tricky to do, with lots of minefields, but I'm looking into it.

We do have a bit of good news on the local politics front and I'm really hoping that CA's general liberal lean coupled with its economic strength will help it resist or be resilient to the crap the GOP will try to do.

Looking at the results for WI, Trump won by 0.9%. Jill Stein got 1% of the vote and Gary Johnson 3.6%. Argh. Why have people not learned from 2000?

Watching a cat special on PBS. Apparently cats have stronger bites than dogs, because of shorter muzzles.

A mental palate cleanser.

Looking at the results for WI, Trump won by 0.9%. Jill Stein got 1% of the vote and Gary Johnson 3.6%. Argh. Why have people not learned from 2000?

Or 1992 (was that the Perot year?)

Dropped Noah off at Boy Scouts and had to leave. Nope. Not today. Thanks.

Or to quote U.S. Grant: "Retreat? No. I propose to attack at daylight and whip them."

I needed a quote like this now. If I can find or make an arty image of it, it may replace "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief..." as my new desktop background.

I'm heartsick and enraged. All day I walked around looking at my friends and coworkers who are immigrant, Latinx, Muslim, LGBT, etc. and all I could think was, "Half the country hates my beautiful city and the lives we live in it." And since Annabel recently came out as agender, my fears are so, so very personal now.

So I'm about to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU. And I'm going to try to be more activist and less slacktivist from now on. I got an email from a group I donated to once that's trying to bring greater accountability to police here in WA. They're looking for donations and people to gather signatures for a ballot initiative to increase civilian oversight of policing. That's a fight I can join. And we live a few blocks from the largest mosque in Seattle, and a lot of Annabel's classmates are Muslim. I feel like reaching out to them somehow, but I'm not sure how. "Hi, I'm you're white Episcopalian neighbor up on 105th. If you need anything, I've got your back" sounds a little awkward. Oh, and speaking of being Episcopalian, I'm going back to church. I've been skipping out of depression-fueled extreme introversion since Easter, but that church is on the side of social justice and is a community I'm already sorta involved in.

Kalshane, I'm so deeply glad your wife and son are okay, but ye gods and little fishhooks what a worst possible week of all weeks for it to happen.

{{{All my Buffistas}}} And, fuck, here come the tears again.

I just unfriended a bitter sulky Jill Steinbot friend from high school. Nothing she'd posted had scrolled along my feed yet, but I didn't want to see it at all. She hates and fears Trump, depends on the ACA, *knows* that Hillary would have made preserving and improving it a priority, and was absolutely depending on her mainstream-party friends to do the heavy lifting of canvassing and texting and volunteering and donating and getting out the vote and making sure Hillary made it into office so she could still cast her precious unicorn vote for Stein because her woobie had the nomination stolen from him -- it was crystal clear that she desperately wanted Hillary elected but wouldn't lift a finger to facilitate that.

And I know that she's just post a traumatic breakup and has a chronic pain disorder and has only had it medicated and treated for just this last year and is facing a lifetime of intractable pain, but I cannot find any charity in my heart for her. I won't always, but right now I fucking HATE her. I could cry with hating, and with how shitty it feels to hate someone racked with pain this way. But I can't, right now. So, unfriend.

And meantime there are Buffistas and others unfriending family members, and how can I whinge about this bullshit?

FUCK. I wanted to think better of us as a country. I was never a rah-rah patriot, but I thought we could be better. This week put paid to that delusion.