Wait, what the SHIT??? That's not true at all. Patients in palliative care no longer receive treatment for their specific illness (cancer patients no longer receive chemotherapy or radiation, for instance), but the whole point of palliative care is to focus on quality of life and ensuring that the patient is comfortable, which includes pain management. Literally, there are published guidelines about how to assess and manage pain in patients receiving palliative care.

That was kind of my reaction too! I worked on an ENd of Life nusrsing certification program. Part of my problem is I am getting information from my aunt to my mom to me, so a) I am not sure my mom is translating right and b) I am not sure what the drs/nurses are actually saying to my aunt/uncle. My aunt has said several times that thye are of the generation that the doctors just told you one to do, and they keep being offered choices. SO maybe the hospice in their rural community doesn't have a Hoyer, but there could be an option of hospice elsewhere, but they said no or didn't understand.

ETA- and my mom keeps telling me it is nosy/bossy/rude to contact my aunt directly.

Guys, I'm actually starting to get worried about this thing with N. Korea. It's like two petulant children with access to nuclear weapons without anyone checking them.

ETA- and my mom keeps telling me it is nosy/bossy/rude to contact my aunt directly.

But has your aunt actually said "Please do not interfere or contact me during this time, because I do not want your help"? Or said to your mom "Tell [Sophia] not to interfere or contact us during this time, because I do not want help from her"? I mean, I'm not advocating being all up in their business and being pushy after they've said "Well, he is in pain, but we are sticking with this choice anyway even if there are other choices where he doesn't actually have to suffer."

If your aunt has told you directly (i.e., not through your mom) to leave them alone, then okay. It's horrible to watch people literally suffer when they don't have to, but sometimes you have to let them be.

But if your aunt hasn't told you to leave them alone, and she doesn't realize there are other options that mean your uncle doesn't suffer in pain, I would mention it. If your aunt and uncle aren't understanding the choices being offered, and you have the time and energy to help them understand them and maybe pick a better choice that means your uncle doesn't suffer in pain, AND they welcome your help, AND you want to do it, then I would.

Maybe cut your mom out as the middleman. Let your aunt tell you directly whether or not they want help.

Guys, I'm actually starting to get worried about this thing with N. Korea. It's like two petulant children with access to nuclear weapons without anyone checking them.

I can't even think about it. I mean that in the most literal way possible. It's like a bank vault door slams shut in my brain when it comes up. I don't have room to process it.

I wish someone would just literally muzzle Trump. Like a full-on Silence of the Lambs face mask.

It's so pathetic listening to him issue threats, because he really believes people are afraid of him. Like him, personally.

I just texted my aunt and let her know that a) I can help, b) I have access to experts at my work (and here/online) who can tell us what the options are and c) that if he has elected palliative care he SHOULD NOT BE IN PAIN.

So I will let that be my guide. I also have a time set up this afternoon to pick the brain of a palliative care nurse/researcher in my building.

You're doing a good thing, Sophia.

Guys, I'm actually starting to get worried about this thing with N. Korea. It's like two petulant children with access to nuclear weapons without anyone checking them.

And both of the children really really want to wage war because it makes them look all macho and important to their peoples. Yes, I am really worried. (see also reading Swan Song, which may not help)

Sophia, thank you for texting your aunt. Good plan all round.

That sounds good, Sophia.

SO maybe the hospice in their rural community doesn't have a Hoyer, but there could be an option of hospice elsewhere, but they said no or didn't understand.

Who doesn't have a Hoyer?? (I realize I may have a slightly different perspective, having grown up in a home with a Hoyer lift...)

I just texted my aunt and let her know that a) I can help, b) I have access to experts at my work (and here/online) who can tell us what the options are and c) that if he has elected palliative care he SHOULD NOT BE IN PAIN.

That's wonderful and you are a good niece.