Steph, one of the things I read when we were dealing with my grandfather is that caregivers have to keep in mind that people with dementia cannot learn any more - they cannot learn what is appropriate or not appropriate. That's not really helpful when they say something racist or sexist and you're sitting there trying to decide what to say/do. We've all got a knee-jerk response to correct their behavior, but they're not like kids with whom you have to teach what is and is not right.

I don't have any solutions, I'm afraid, but you have my deepest sympathies.

Steph, one of the things I read when we were dealing with my grandfather is that caregivers have to keep in mind that people with dementia cannot learn any more - they cannot learn what is appropriate or not appropriate. That's not really helpful when they say something racist or sexist and you're sitting there trying to decide what to say/do. We've all got a knee-jerk response to correct their behavior, but they're not like kids with whom you have to teach what is and is not right.

At this point, I wouldn't expect Jack to retain new knowledge of "graphic comments about women = bad", but I feel like it's still appropriate to shut that line of conversation down and redirect it in the moment.

It's definitely clear that he can't learn/retain new knowledge, because literally every time he uses the bathroom, he's surprised at the catheter, and he wants to know why it's there. The boys brought a whiteboard for his room where we write down things he needs to know but won't remember, like if there's an upcoming doctor appointment, and who is taking him and what time, etc. I don't know how helpful it is.

Steph, I agree with Jesse that it is likely to get easier, at least for a bit, as his dementia progresses. But I've learned there's a LOT of variables when it comes to dementia, so I try not to predict what folks will come across. My mom's symptoms were not at all common: she had an aphasia, so she really couldn't speak much, and aboulia, which meant she wasn't really able to act on her own behalf, someone else had to initiate most of her activities.

I think the support group would be good, esp if family is still adjusting to all of this.

Sending lots of strength and love

White board sounds very helpful, at least for the staff, but for him as well if he is still able to read. And redirection seems like the right choice too, since yeah, not likely to stop himself.

He can still read, and gets the newspaper every day. He doesn't really retain much -- like, he'll remember he read something about Northside and tell us that Northside was in the paper again, but he can't remember what the article said -- but he does read it. I don't think the whiteboard will make things stick in his memory, but as long as it's in his line of sight, it'll keep calling important things to his attention.

Timelies all!

Gary got up at 5 this morning to catch a flight. Yep, another business trip. Meanwhile, Mr. S is shoving books between my back and the back of my chair.(when he's not hitting me with stuff) Sigh...

Liese - so sorry about Sea Biscuit.

{{{Liese}}} I'm sorry to hear Seabiscuit is gone, but I know he had a wonderful life with you.

Liese! I'm so sad and sorry about the Biscuit. I remember when he came into your lives.

I hope all the Buffista pets are playing or loafing or butt-sniffing in the pet afterlife. Lucy and Kato will welcome Seabiscuit into the black-and-tan party, because they like dogs with all colors of coats.