I'm sorry, sarameg.

But hey, I gave the old full bedframe away to a random neighbor who needed one, so at least someone's day got better & I got it out of the house.

they don't want you to think they have some kind of compulsion about this.

I love Billy's brain.

And transitions suck.

There's a show on PBS this Sunday, a Dickens mash-up called Dickensian. Has anyone else heard anything about it? It looks like it could be hysterical. Part of it is the investigation of the murder of Jacob Marley, and I'm not very familiar with the other Dickens stories. I play D&D on Sundays, so I hope I can find it online.

I'm so sorry, sarameg.

Praying mantises are not team players. Not real sociable. Maybe that's why I like them... We had a lot of mantises around here one summer, but lately not so many. I think when the feral cat colony dissipated, the birds came back, and they ate the baby mantises.

My anxiety around travel is always about all the stuff that has to be done in preparation for travel, right up until I sit down at the departure gate. For this trip, I have special anxiety, because I realized that long trips, no matter how fun, exhaust me and after I come home I fall into a depression that can last months. I'm going to try to take better care of myself this time, but obviously I don't want that to happen again.

I'm sorry, sarameg.

I think I just had a little breakthrough about where all that irrational free floating anxiety comes from (short answer: family, of course) but now that I know wtf do I do about it?

Further bulletins as events warrant.

I read somewhere that people with trauma try to downplay the trauma, saying it's not as bad as what others have gone through. The way my brain shies away from verbalizing the details of losing my beloved, I think it's time to accept that yes, it was traumatic. Stupid, stiff-necked Puritan ancestry, trying to tough it out through everything.

There's a lot of evidence now that trauma changes your brain chemistry. And when it happens to you young, it can change your brain structure. In the book I read on the history of psychiatry the author said this discovery was one of the three biggest changes in the field during his lifetime. (The other two big fundamental changes were developing anti-depressants and MRIs that showed how the brain actually works.)

In any event, the effects of trauma are physiological: [link]

Sorry, Puritans.

sarameg, sorry about your uncle. How's your mom feeling?

Feeling quiet this morning but wide awake. It was hella windy yesterday but is calm this morning.

I think I just had a little breakthrough about where all that irrational free floating anxiety comes from

That is something. Now I hope you can get to where you can find a spot to toss those feelings, like a virtual 'family anxiety' lock box.

There's a lot of evidence now that trauma changes your brain chemistry.

My general reaction when I read about results of investigations is generally in the 'no shit Sherlock' range. On the article Hec linked this stuck out to me.

The most significant neurological impact of trauma is seen in the hippocampus. PTSD patients show a considerable reduction in the volume of the hippocampus. This region of the brain is responsible for memory functions.

I've joked forever about my pathetic memory. The most recent example is the 'concert list' thing going on in FB land. I have managed to find FIVE concerts in my memory banks. This is absurd since I worked in radio for years and we sponsored concerts. Also living 63 years and loving music, I know I have been to plenty of concerts, but I just can't reach the memory.

On the other hand, I am extraordinarily organized and have wonderful calendars and lists. My work knowledge base is fabulous. I may not remember, but I generally can find the info.