I think the Lexapro is starting to kick in, my anxiety is not at high alert at the moment. But my brain is so used to being anxious that it doesn't know what to do with calm. It's looking around for the threat it can't see yet. It seems so over-dramatic to think of it in terms of PTSD, but maybe not. Bad things have happened to me, and my life has changed a lot. Fucking "it takes time".

Connie, that's how the Lexapro has worked for me. A gradual dialing-down of my high-alert anxiety.

It seems so over-dramatic to think of it in terms of PTSD, but maybe not. Bad things have happened to me, and my life has changed a lot.

I think you're not over-dramatic, and even if "PTSD" feels like too loaded of a term, you're right that a lot of traumatic shit has happened to you. I think your assessment is probably pretty correct. And I'm glad the Lexapro is helping.

Continuing adventures in reality TV:

The downside of having Say Yes to the Dress on in the background where I work is that I want to kill this woman.

She just described something as "gorgina." Which is apparently what "the kids" say.

She's not saying "Yes" to the dress, she's saying "YAAAAAAASSS!" I feel like she may be certain segments of Tumblr fandom made manifest.

Ugh therapy- all about me and relationships. Dating. Ugh

Dating! WOOOOO!!!!!!!!

It seems so over-dramatic to think of it in terms of PTSD, but maybe not.

Does it help to think of post-traumatic stress that's not a Disorder ? I think people can sell themselves short when they focus on it not being PTSD or OCD or whatever. You (one) can still be traumatized or compulsive or whatever!

I think people can sell themselves short when they focus on it not being PTSD or OCD or whatever. You (one) can still be traumatized or compulsive or whatever!

That! That's what I meant! PTSD has specific clinical criteria, but a person who doesn't meet those criteria can still be dealing with the effects of a traumatic experience, and that's a valid, hard thing. (Hi, I had therapy today.) (I still haven't had chocolate OR a nap. Boo.)

I read somewhere that people with trauma try to downplay the trauma, saying it's not as bad as what others have gone through. The way my brain shies away from verbalizing the details of losing my beloved, I think it's time to accept that yes, it was traumatic. Stupid, stiff-necked Puritan ancestry, trying to tough it out through everything.

"He proposed on his birthday, which is so sweet, because I don't like sharing my birthday with anything. So now it's like his day is my day too!"

Jesse I wish I was excited about the prospect of dating. I just want to like someone who magically likes me back with minimal meeting of new people that are not that. I really want someone from my past to swoop in, be perfect for me, and live happily ever after.

You know or randomly meet imaginary celebrity boyfriend and hit it off.