Thanks, everyone. I was trying to articulate this, and failing miserably. I still feel like a lousy human being though, even asking the question.

Thank you all for answering me honestly.

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Just got a call from the vet. She has a UTI and chronic kidney disease, so tomorrow she gets a long-lasting antibiotic shot and I learn how to give sub-q fluids. Initially, she'll be on a MWF schedule. He also talked about a low-protein diet and prescription food. I'm wary of vets and recommending food, so if anyone has any input, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Andi will be your best resource.

Kitty~ma, and life~ma for all the other crap going on. You've been on my mind but I'm sorry I haven't said anything.

long-lasting antibiotic shot

Totally worth the extra cost. At least, at the vet we took the kitty to for her ingrown claw, it was $20 more to have a long-lasting antibiotic shot versus 2 weeks of twice-daily pills. It was worth more than $20 to NOT have to burrito the cat and try to cram a pill down her throat twice a day for 14 days.

if anyone has any input

ISTR that Andi has had a lot of good information about pet food in the past.

Oh Maria, that's tough, but lots of folks on the board have dealt with sub-q fluids and can probably give you the best advice.

it positions allies as separate - it's not our issue, you know, we're just good people who ally with you.

Oh yeah, that too! That one rankles.

That's what I thought. I'll head over to Bitches and page her.

Oh, I remembered your praise of it, Tep. Primary reason why I said let's go for it.

Thank you, brenda. For everything.

Sub-q is really not bad to do (even did it with Devi!) and bonus, you've got medics who can handle it when you have to travel. And I'm sorry she's got the chronic version.

you've got medics who can handle it when you have to travel

The BF is going with me to the vet tomorrow, because he wants to be sure he's doing it right. He's only been trained to give sub-q to dogs, since the municipality he works for has a K9 officer. I lucked out with this one.

I'm sure I'll get better at it, but I'm nervous right now.

Brenda, thank you. Even with the best heart and the best will in the world, it's so very difficult to accept that it isn't my issue, that I, personally, goodhearted, well-intentioned me, can't be among the first rank in this fight. I don't like the term "ally" either, because it implies a certain lack of involvement. But, truth: my actual literal involvement is minimal, and so, my pulling focus from the people who live these issues daily, hourly, doesn't help anything except my own self-image.

So hard to accept.

Also, it's disgusting I got sweaty watering the damn plants. Granted, involved climbing over the railing, but it is too damn sticky out.

It's a little nerve-wracking at first, but remarkably effective. Hardest part is, you know, the intellectual aspect of stabbing your cat. I was pretty inured to it because I'd already been dealing with insulin at that point, but the needle is much bigger. For the most part, neither Devi or MK really minded except the enforced no-wandering, but sometimes you'll get a bad stick and feel just evil. Unless you're luckier than I. But better that passing evil than the alternative.