Good luck meara!

You guys, I need to be super mean for a bit.

I've gotten roped into going to this wedding this weekend, and it is going to be a train wreck of epic proportions. The groom is someone I like enormously. The bride I don't really know but she is a nice person - and just trashy as hell. From top to bottom this thing is going to be insane.

They actually got married in the spring, but now are doing a full on white dress, catholic church thing. S, the bride, is a fan of uber tanning, enormous amounts of makeup, huge blond extensions(and she's a hair-stylist!) and Kardashianesque fashion. She's been going full tilt at the tanning this month, so expect a raccoon-eyed Oompa Looompa in spandex and tulle.

The music - her three cousins are all singing, and none of them have made time to meet with or even talk to the pianist who will be accompanying them. The pianist himself has not practiced or even familiarized himself with the music yet - "we'll figure it out at the rehearsal".

Her sister, who is maid of honor, will walk in with the usual processional music, and then will step out of line to sing the music that S walks in to: Kissing You from Romeo + Juliet. They have not yet discussed the fact that to get through that song S will need a quarter mile of runway to walk.

Even the invitations - a ghastly mint green and old-lady floral, with unreadable font that still didn't entirely disguise the spelling errors.

I can't even imagine the fashion disasters that will be on display, considering S's friends in their big hair and spandex, but I expect plenty of buttcracks and boobs on display.

The groom's friends, most coming over from Manchester, including his white rapper sister who could be out of an Ali G sketch, and all the lads, can probably be counted on for a fight or two. Good thing he owns the bar where the reception will be.

I just can't even with this wedding. I'm going to have to botox or something to not laugh my ass off through the whole thing.

That sounds chavtastic, Brenda!

THAT SOUNDS AMAZING.

Man, the only hilarious wedding I've ever been to was a coworker's, and only because the groom's family apparently had no idea what one wears to a wedding in the US, and didn't come to consensus -- some were in formal wear, some were in the tightest jeans I've ever seen.

Brenda, that's amazing.

Gud, utterly classic.

Meara, so much interview-ma!

Oh, and the father-daughter dance will be Butterfly Kisses. So much ew.

Wow, brenda.

Work Internet is paid and back up. I was lucky to have something to fill the gap.

Good luck, Meara.

Brenda, you need to wear a hidden camera so you can get a video of the thing.

interview ma~~~

that wedding sounds like a movie that would be too over the top to be believed

Sort of meara from my inexplicable AFK yesterday:

I hope shrift's blanket fort was not too grumpy. And the movers actually come today.

She actually replied with a useful concrete guideline AND explained the reason behind it (which boils down to "the people above her on the food chain want it that way") AND said "Thanks for sticking with this and not giving up!"

That's terrific

Yay vacation, Zen!

Sail! Please tell me you have a naval tiara. And cape for that matter. Lie to me if necessary (or buy them now while you still can!)

Go Consuela! Job offer (tentative and conditional or not) yay!

I have heard that H2O2 is bad to use because it kills some damaged tissue (rather than just cleaning) but I still use it because it just feels so damn effective.

every time I press my ear to it I hear a humming noise like I'm in The Matrix or something.

Keep an eye out for glitches.

Or maybe ignore them? I'm not sure what your best move is, frankly.

Poor kitties having nightmares.

We had a corpse flower bloom in Sacramento not too long ago (um, within the last decade? I don't remember), but I didn't get around to seeing it.

Pretty sure I have that Colbert story saved somewhere else to read later, but I'll mark it here also...

Yikes, msbelle! Legit terrifying. Glad he left with no actual drama.

GOOD LUCK MEARA

Our Internet problem turns out that nobody paid the bill. This company has revenues of $50 billion and the bill wasn't paid.

That's kind of hilarious, Gud, although I really ope they don't forget to pay you!

That wedding sounds amazing, brenda. Enjoy!

t /sort-of-meara

Not that inexplicable, I guess. Work tried to eat me starting with my bottom, as it does, although why I wasn't popping in to complain I'm not sure, and then I dashed over to Fernandez Ranch for a Stargazing Ice Cream Social, which was terrific. I did not want to wait in line to look through the telescopes (I know the views are really neat, but the lines were long and standing was not appealing at all) but just lying on a blanket looking up at the clear skies and having constellations pointed out to me was great. Saturn being hugged by Scorpio's claws! Cygnus! The Summer Triangle, which, I'm sorry, is way too big for me to really see on my own (also, all I can think when I look for it is "see those three stars that make a triangle?") but I can spot when it is pointed out precisely.

This morning everyone was pissing me off - the radio reporting on jerks who think they need to legislate protection for religions being oppressed by legal gay marriage, other drivers constantly getting in my way, 7-11 for putting it's mid-octane gas all the way to the right where I expect the lowest-octane to be and taking more of my money than I intended, etc. Oddly, now that I am at my desk I am more relaxed.