I bought a timer to use for timing cleaning bouts, but I've lost the timer. Fortunately, my method of playing DVDs of TV shows works well.

It's called All Our Tragic.

Holy Zot. That's amazing and I wish I were there with you.

Burrell and flea and Dana, my best to all of you and may things get better quick. Carrying the emotional burden for a whole family is incredibly hard and so often is completely overlooked.

Epic, I think I neglected to say I'm sorry about your mom, and for you, but I am.

My BFF's mom collapsed last Monday and has been declining rapidly since then. She's gone from more-or-less able to get around on her own to completely bedridden, needing 24-hour care and on the waiting list for a nursing home. We suspected it would be sudden when it happened, but... well, you know. It's always sudden.

I've reached an age where my contemporaries are reaching an age where our parents are declining and passing on, and while I'm trying to be as supportive and helpful as I can, I don't think I've completely dealt with either the long illness and death of my own mother, or the long illness and death of my partner 20 years ago. I've just repressed it all, because there was always someone else who needed caring for "more" than I did at the time. (Both times, oddly, it was my sister.) So I feel like right now my BFF's mom's decline is actually hitting me harder than it is her. She's just exhausted and ready for her mom to go on and get into a nursing home so she can rest. (I've known them since we were 15. She loves her, but her mom is a difficult and abrasive person.) I expect she won't collapse, herself, until she has more energy for the grief. I hate that I'm 9 hours away from her. I keep thinking I should move down there temporarily, but it's just not financially feasible.

That's so hard, Zen.

So far I haven't I made it off the couch

If I my couch had arrived as planned, I would resemble this remark! I slept in late today because I needed it and I also want to get up early on Sunday to see what the farmer's market is like. I have errands to run, but first I need to convince myself to get up and shower.

Target and grocery store, check. Now to the hammock, I think. Although I should put my new sheets in the laundry first.

On the way to Target, I went to the fancy donut place and got a "chocolate covered pretzel." It was like halfway between a pretzel and a donut, which actually made it disappointing on both fronts.

We got up and went to an only-in-Texas-would-you-get-this furniture store which also has an aquarium, a few monkeys, a gorgeous macaw, and a restaurant. Now we are home and planning to spend the rest of the day watching DVDs and relaxing. And possibly plotting vengeance.

Vengeance sounds like a great plan, Dana.

I went for a brisk 7-mile hike in the woods, but had to dodge marathons for part of it, which was annoying. Also, you can smell the fires in Lake County all the way down here: it's really unsettling. However it was a good hike, and I feel like I'm probably going to do okay on my big walking tour, which I was a bit concerned about. I still bought a bunch of moleskin and blister stuff at REI yesterday.

Now to take Dad to lunch, check the progress of my kitchen, and go out for hot tub & massages with a friend. Possibly a hot and smoky day is not the best choice for hot tubs, but it'll still be nice.

It's been years since I've gone hot-tubbing: when you get your own tub, the protocol is still nekkid, right?

Slept in which was lovely. Have shopped with Mac for a few back to school clothes. Failed in finding an open bank to get him a youth account. Now we are getting lunch. Me blowing my calories for the day. Cheat day.

Why does cleaning make me realize how dirty everything is, and how no matter how much I clean, it will still be dirty? This is why I never clean.

Now that I cleaned the apartment enough to let the landlord in, I am now deep cleaning (like washing walls and behind things). I know normal people do this regularly, but it is too onerous.

Sometimes I wish I had a partner to help me take care of myself, but I feel like if I did, I would feel like Burrell and flea because everyone I know with a husband and kids feels like that.