I can no longer lounge around in bed for hours and hours because my back seizes up. Perhaps I can institute a program of lounging with breaks.

Note to self: Even if you need the exercise, do not agree to walk to lunch when the heat index is 100.

OH MY GOD PEOPLE NEED TO STOP GIVING ME THINGS TO DO I AM FULL UP NO MORE I WILL CUT YOU

If I were you, I'd just hide for a while. Is there room under your desk?

That seems like something that could be planned ahead for.

You would think.

If I were you, I'd just hide for a while.

I need someone to wave a magic wand and take away object permanence for that to work.

I just found out that the firm credit card, which was my name on it, hasn't gotten paid since April.

NOT COOL, DUDE.

We spent the morning walking a contractor friend through the house to find out about the costs of renovations. Good but stressful morning.

This is the one whose article was published with an error? And he already knows a correction is going to be published? What else can you do? I mean *literally* what else can you do? Offer to fly him to your office so he can punch the person who made the error? Buy him a labradoodle? Seriously, what else does he want from you, beyond a correction being published?

He WANTS the online version to be corrected. I've explained that we don't change the online version once the print has been published; they have to be the same. He countered that no one even reads the print version anyway! (Not true, also, not the point.) He wants our longstanding policy to be broken just for him, because we screwed up, as if he's never heard of a journal making a mistake before. AND he just told me that he expects the erratum to contain the names of the people who screwed up, so that shaming them and "putting their reputations on the line" will make them do a better job in the future. The hell?! NO. I am livid.

(Never mind that the article was online for two months before print publication, during which time we could have fixed it. Never mind that it's been in print since February, and he's just now complaining. He says the staff editor who handled the paper never responded to his many emails about fixing it. I don't believe him. Seriously? Poor helpless him, he had to just sit there and let all those errors get into print because one person didn't respond! He couldn't possibly have emailed or called ME, or the EiC, or anyone ELSE whose contact information is readily available? The hell. And if he knew these errors weren't getting corrected last November, and he knew they'd gotten into print last February, why did it take him until July to demand heads on pikes? Yeah, we screwed up, but he gets some of the blame for obviously not paying attention, and now trying to pretend he knew all along and my team is just incompetent.)

He WANTS the online version to be corrected.

He wants you to swap out the version with the error for a corrected version? Oh, HELL NO.

AND he just told me that he expects the erratum to contain the names of the people who screwed up, so that shaming them and "putting their reputations on the line" will make them do a better job in the future. The hell?! NO. I am livid.

Based on the way you described him, I'm not surprised. I hope you told him that is not journal policy. What a GIANT dick.

At my old job, we ran a correction because of data the authors got wrong, and they wanted it to read "Blah blah blah was presented incorrectly due to an editing error." We laughed really hard at that and then wrote the correction the way it needed to appear ("Blah blah blah, reported as 30 mg/L; should be 30 mg/mL").